This is improbabilty fully explained and the creation of a machine to manipulate it.
"The principle of generating small amounts of FINITE improbability by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeney 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer (Say a nice hot cup of tea) were of course well understood...and such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneouly one foot to the left, in accordance with the Theory of Indetermincy.
Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this, patly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sorts of parties.
Another thing they couldn't stand was the perpetual failure they encountered in trying to construct a machine which could generate the INFINITE improbability field needed to flip a spaceship across the mind-paralysing distances between the farthest stars and in the end they grumpily announced such a machine was virtually impossible.
Then one day a student who had been left to sweep up the lab after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning this way...
"If," he thought to himself, "such a machine is a VIRTUAL impossibility, then it must logically be a FINITE improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out exactly how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea...and turn it on!"
He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had managed to create the long-sought-after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air.
It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galatic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really could not stand was a smart-ass."
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Pg. 85-86.
Hey! If you goreans can quote parts of those gor novels I can quote passages from MY lifestyle books!! So bow down to Douglas Adams, bitches!
By it's very definiton my profile IS fake seeing as I am not the 24 year old hottie in that picture.(But then again, i'm sure most of you have guessed that aleady) So it's getting to be the time to reveal who the real person is behind the UltimateDomme and use my "real" profile for this purpose.
Ah, not doing it just yet but i'll give you a clue and if someone finds me on CM i'll remove the veil and post here who I really am, and give the person to find me a shout out.
This doesn't mean the blog is going away, far from it. I intend to keep this up for as long as it continues to be entertaining. It's gotten this far and i'm still at it... So on we go.
Soooooo... the clues to finding the person who is behind the UltimateDomme name..
My name suggests I live IN the water, but the truth is I live in a place that two major bodies of water are on the coastline. I am 24 with the same amount of years experience being 24.. I've also been mentioned in this blog but not by name, only by state.
That's it.. i'll be waiting to be found..
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Dominant, Submissive, Master, Slave, Kinkster, Switch, Sadist, Masochist, Top, Bottom, Training Master, Mentor, Humilitrix, Submissive with Switch or Slave traits, Goreans, Old Guard, take one from column A and one from column B..have I left any out?
I swear, with how so many people are hung up on what labels to use for themselves and others it makes me wonder how these people ever have any time to actually BE who they say they are. Seriously, if you get together with someone and you click, why the fuck does it even matter what labels you use to describe each other? You click? You're happy with that person? Good, then stop trying to define the fucking thing with labels and just enjoy it... You spend too much time trying to define yourself with terms and it starts to look like you're playing to the peanut gallery and not your partner.
But it's funny to see those profiles of the people who took some BDSM test and posted the results of the test on their profiles.. Oh you've seen them, "I scored.. sadist 86%..." etc.
And those of you who call yourself a leader when in your profile and journals are things like that "I am a dominant man" or "The dominant's creed" or any of that castle realm stuff.. Errr, how can you call yourself a leader when you're not even using your own words on a damned online profile? What that does is make you a follower, not a leader.
I had a scathingly brilliant idea the other day. I had this idea of hooking up with good old Santa Claus to get his list of naughty boys and girls around the world. You know the jolly one is only passing out lumps of coal so I figured i'd help him out and perhaps see to it that list is shorter next year, scathingly brilliant, yes?
Yeah, except I apparently ain't the only one who had this particular idea. Uh huh, I find the dude sitting in his workshop abusing.. errrr I mean supervising the elves and when I asked him about it he just rolled his eyes at me, and asked where I lived. When I told him he goes to his computer (Santa has some kick ass internet access, by the way) and after a few keystrokes three or four pages print out the printer, which he handed to me.
"Wait, there are only like 100 names here," I told him.
"Yeah no shit," said Santa. "With the amount of helpers I have for this task, there are only so many naughty ones to go around." (Yes, he said `no shit'. He was also sitting there with a bong and a bic lighter but I didn't think people would want to think of St. Nick as a stoner, heh.)
Okay, so maybe my idea wasn't so original after all.. But still brilliant don't you think?
Well, I went and got me a suit to wear while making my rounds with my list of 100 naughty ones. It kinda sorta looks like a santa outfit but it's black instead of red and the boots have stiletto heels.
ANYWAY, for that 23 year old naughty girl who gave the wrong phone number to that guy chatting you up at the club... I'll be visiting you on the morning of the 25th, oh yes.
And YOU, that 32 year old bad boy who told that girl that you were a record producer, i'll be seeing you too.
For the 21 on my list who don't celebrate Christmas and think you're in the clear.. Think again. I'll just get to you on other days beside the 25th.
Oh yeah, that 38 year old guy who decided to play a round of golf on Yom Kippur, I've got a special surprise for YOU... Heheheh
On that note let's get to the profiles.. and this is going to be a little different. We're going to have a look at some profiles of people who just don't take all of this BDSM-D/s stuff so seriously.
Like this one.. a 23 female sub in Georgia who appears to be a submissive version of ME.. So that makes her A-OK in my book... Check out this bit from her profile..
"If you refer to yourself in the third person, capitalize all pronouns relating to yourself and have a shit-fit when anyone into "the lifestyle" breaks protocol, don't message me. I'm a sub who likes rough sex and the right kind of pain. After sex I want a fucking cigarette and want to watch Family Guy over a couple of beers. If you'd rather stroke my hair and call my your little girl while criticizing me for not pleading the right way, fuck off."
I love it.. "Spank my ass a bit, fuck me hard while you pull my hair, get me a fucking beer and turn on the TV. Don't wanna watch TV with me? Then go home."
I know... I know.. There are those of you sitting there going, "Well that's not a sub at all with all those demands." Yeah, well who cares?
Here's a 36 dominant from Texas whose profile starts... "*LADIES PLEASE READ MY PROFILE BEFORE MESSAGING ME. I'M NOT JUST A SEX OBJECT*".... And then it gets funny.. As a point of interest, do the ladies out there see how silly that looks and sounds?
This profile is an entertaining read and instead of quoting different bits of it, i'm just going to tell you his name is "fitguytx" and urge you all to give this profile a look and enjoy.
Eh, he's rather impatient though.. Someone told him to check my shit out because they thought it was funnier than his profile, so he sends me a message saying, "Damn you, it's funnier than mine!"
So I of course read his and liked it, asked if he minded if I used it in my blog. (Yes, I have done that on occasion, but only when I don't intend to make fun of that person.)
Right then, he says that's cool and wanted to be notified when it was posted to which I said it would be posted on Monday.
Heheh, not good enough for him it seems.. He wanted it done faster.. Ahh, he was joking and relented when I said it takes some time to come up with this shit..
SOOOOOOO, here it is, delivered when promised. Oh and if you score a new submissive or two because of this, don't forget me, eh?
Our submissive with the "gotta send me a giftcard" sent me a message saying that bit has been the greatest limitus test ever.. Just after she sent me an exchange she had with someone... This one is rather weird..
"slayerofable:
so what you really mean is you are a broke whore not just ugly you are the worst thing about this world
sojewtastic:
A good fable would be about a spider who goes into this guy’s apartment and the guy gets really angry and decides to spray the spider to death with bug spray, but he accidentally uses hair spray and so the spider ends up looking really sharp and then gets a job someplace that the guy was trying all week to get a job at.
slayerofable:
How dumb you are you thought slayer o fable. Ha slayer of able as in kain in the bible hun you can never hope to be on my level. I have women pay for my time and controle this is my job but you are nasty scaming old guys out of their retierment
sojewtastic:
Do you ever wish you went to the bathroom and instead of pee a bunch of dust came out because you were dead and your body had already decomposed? Or do you ever wish you were a hundred pounds skinnier because you had died and been cremated? Or do you ever wish you went to the doctor and he was like, "The test came back empty because you were never alive in the first place"? N-E way, just wondering.
slayerofable:
how many caps did you eat i have to know or have you started to main line
sojewtastic:
OK, one last question: Do you ever wish you woke up in a grave and had bugs for eyes and worms for hands? OK, and this really is the last one, I swear, but do you ever wish that instead of getting dressed in the morning you could just roll out of bed and clatter to the floor in a pile of bones?
slayerofable:
I get it you are tryin to be deep and creepy a pathetic atempt to scare or intimidate. Can i ask do you see how stupid you make your self to be. Hun you could never scare me once you have cut a mans femeral artery and watched him beeld out then desolive his boddy in a bath tube of draino thinking he would just drain away but find his kindy stone in the tube after pulling the plug but dont panick because they will blend in with your gravle
Umm, you've GOT to check out this slayrofable cat's profile.. I tell you it's pure gold. (He rather is taken with the idea of breaking dommes.) Oh and if you ever see a kidney stone that's big enough to see in a tub without a magnifying glass, get pictures and contact the Guiness Book of World Records people.
This next one isn't a profile, but a series of profiles. I first caught this over the summer and it was of a 46 female submissive in the UK. In her profile, she speaks of her daughter an how she's not heard a word from her in ages.. Well, there is more to story but this woman is offering herself as a prize for helping her get in touch with her daughter.. Uh huh, now she even gives you a road map to find her daughter (Uh, giving us the daughter's CM name)..
SOOOOOOO.. You go read the daughter's profile and of course she is aware of her mother looking for her and tells her side of the story as to why she does not contact her mother.. It seems as if mom was hitting on her boyfriend.. etc.
Yeah, those profiles were deleted and soon another set of profiles pops up with a different story and the same basic theme.
Last week I see this person is back.. NOW the daughter is living at home and she is offering her services as a submissive and as an added bonus, the right to take a shot at her daughter.
I don't know who is actually behind these profiles, but they're funny as hell.
On the other side of that spectrum is a profile that is labeled a 48 female submissive in Florida.. But here's the profile.
"This is a profile bout my mom. She's not aware of this...
Im her son, 24y old.
Mom is 48y, 5'8'', 130lbs, blonde, green eyes, busty 36C, married, mom of one, elem. school teacher... ANYONE WHO WANTS A REAL NASTY TALK BOUT HER, CONTACT ME IF U WILL"
Uh huh, Oedipus complex for the win?
Here's one from a 32 dominant in Kansas.. His entire profile is about what he expects from you as his slave... They're pretty funny as well.. here are a couple.
"2. A sub/slave should always obey her master as long as he is her true master. That means a true master will not push or take his sub/slave were she can not follow."
Umm, if she's with you what the fuck else would you be, you silly dipshit? And exactly what the fuck does that second sentence have to do with the first?
Okay, here's one of this guy's journal entries.
"Ok had some one ask me if I would train a slave for them. Just in that statment alone it is funny. What kind of Master or dom wants others to train what they own. What a joke they must be. Second he started to tell me how worthless females are. An how you have to abuse them to get them to obey. I know some out there like that and i know some submissives are no better then to be treated as such. But to just assume all are like that well just tells you how sad some of these doms are. An those that think you controle through fear or her body have no idea in what they are doing. You controle her through her mind you understand how she thinks and if you are really good you know what she thinks before she says anything. An then you can truly controle her.
If you have to brain wash her or brake her to controle her then again you are doing things wrong. Only the weak rule through fear. An only the dumb have to brake there toys to be able to play with them."
I'm NOT going to comment on all the spelling errors but again it's just funny to see them while talking about "the dumb" and the things they do.
Dude no one asked you to train a slave for them, ya liar. But you're right about one thing.. If anyone read your profile and DID contact you about training a slave for them, they'd be one dumb mother fucker for doing so. No really, if I were looking for someone to train a slave for me, you'd be way, WAY down on the bottom of the list.
And one more.. this one is ummm.. interesting to say the least.. This is a 37 dominant in Ontario, Canada and this cat says what he does is break the "cumming record" of women all over the globe. Ya see, he has a secret method he thought of, yep.. yep.. Here's one particular boast..
"Woman who have experience with forced electrical clitoral stimulation, you probably would not have your record broken by me. I have made one of my pets cum 200 times in a 2 hour session with the aid of a very effective 'toy', though that was a treat to one of my pets who was a loyal and proper-behaved pet for a considerable amount of time."
Yep, you read that right.. Two hundred orgasms in the space of 2 hours.. let's seeeeeeee.. that's an orgasm every 36 seconds... for two hours... err, right.
I don't think it's possible to even FAKE 200 orgasms in that kind of time frame. Anyway, imma help this fella out and teach him the art of the lie..
Ya see, the key to telling a good lie is to make the fucking thing believable. Now had you said 20 or even 30 in two hours that may have worked for your purpose, but 200? No fucking way.
And this in the beginning.. "I break the cumming records of women from countries across the globe from afar with the very effective secrets I thought of."
Really, it's rather sad to think that with the Kama Sutra and all those other methods for inducing orgasm the REAL secrets to multiples lie with this one dipshit in Canada.. Too bad he's lying his ass off, eh? But seeing as he does this from "afar", I wonder if the big secret is he's not actually there? Hmmm.
His journal entries are funny too, he hits back at people who've messaged him to call bullshit.
This note before I go, Jim Morrison has offically been pardoned by the Clemency Board of Florida. Thumbs up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDN9y2vTdUs&feature=related
I swear, with how so many people are hung up on what labels to use for themselves and others it makes me wonder how these people ever have any time to actually BE who they say they are. Seriously, if you get together with someone and you click, why the fuck does it even matter what labels you use to describe each other? You click? You're happy with that person? Good, then stop trying to define the fucking thing with labels and just enjoy it... You spend too much time trying to define yourself with terms and it starts to look like you're playing to the peanut gallery and not your partner.
But it's funny to see those profiles of the people who took some BDSM test and posted the results of the test on their profiles.. Oh you've seen them, "I scored.. sadist 86%..." etc.
And those of you who call yourself a leader when in your profile and journals are things like that "I am a dominant man" or "The dominant's creed" or any of that castle realm stuff.. Errr, how can you call yourself a leader when you're not even using your own words on a damned online profile? What that does is make you a follower, not a leader.
I had a scathingly brilliant idea the other day. I had this idea of hooking up with good old Santa Claus to get his list of naughty boys and girls around the world. You know the jolly one is only passing out lumps of coal so I figured i'd help him out and perhaps see to it that list is shorter next year, scathingly brilliant, yes?
Yeah, except I apparently ain't the only one who had this particular idea. Uh huh, I find the dude sitting in his workshop abusing.. errrr I mean supervising the elves and when I asked him about it he just rolled his eyes at me, and asked where I lived. When I told him he goes to his computer (Santa has some kick ass internet access, by the way) and after a few keystrokes three or four pages print out the printer, which he handed to me.
"Wait, there are only like 100 names here," I told him.
"Yeah no shit," said Santa. "With the amount of helpers I have for this task, there are only so many naughty ones to go around." (Yes, he said `no shit'. He was also sitting there with a bong and a bic lighter but I didn't think people would want to think of St. Nick as a stoner, heh.)
Okay, so maybe my idea wasn't so original after all.. But still brilliant don't you think?
Well, I went and got me a suit to wear while making my rounds with my list of 100 naughty ones. It kinda sorta looks like a santa outfit but it's black instead of red and the boots have stiletto heels.
ANYWAY, for that 23 year old naughty girl who gave the wrong phone number to that guy chatting you up at the club... I'll be visiting you on the morning of the 25th, oh yes.
And YOU, that 32 year old bad boy who told that girl that you were a record producer, i'll be seeing you too.
For the 21 on my list who don't celebrate Christmas and think you're in the clear.. Think again. I'll just get to you on other days beside the 25th.
Oh yeah, that 38 year old guy who decided to play a round of golf on Yom Kippur, I've got a special surprise for YOU... Heheheh
On that note let's get to the profiles.. and this is going to be a little different. We're going to have a look at some profiles of people who just don't take all of this BDSM-D/s stuff so seriously.
Like this one.. a 23 female sub in Georgia who appears to be a submissive version of ME.. So that makes her A-OK in my book... Check out this bit from her profile..
"If you refer to yourself in the third person, capitalize all pronouns relating to yourself and have a shit-fit when anyone into "the lifestyle" breaks protocol, don't message me. I'm a sub who likes rough sex and the right kind of pain. After sex I want a fucking cigarette and want to watch Family Guy over a couple of beers. If you'd rather stroke my hair and call my your little girl while criticizing me for not pleading the right way, fuck off."
I love it.. "Spank my ass a bit, fuck me hard while you pull my hair, get me a fucking beer and turn on the TV. Don't wanna watch TV with me? Then go home."
I know... I know.. There are those of you sitting there going, "Well that's not a sub at all with all those demands." Yeah, well who cares?
Here's a 36 dominant from Texas whose profile starts... "*LADIES PLEASE READ MY PROFILE BEFORE MESSAGING ME. I'M NOT JUST A SEX OBJECT*".... And then it gets funny.. As a point of interest, do the ladies out there see how silly that looks and sounds?
This profile is an entertaining read and instead of quoting different bits of it, i'm just going to tell you his name is "fitguytx" and urge you all to give this profile a look and enjoy.
Eh, he's rather impatient though.. Someone told him to check my shit out because they thought it was funnier than his profile, so he sends me a message saying, "Damn you, it's funnier than mine!"
So I of course read his and liked it, asked if he minded if I used it in my blog. (Yes, I have done that on occasion, but only when I don't intend to make fun of that person.)
Right then, he says that's cool and wanted to be notified when it was posted to which I said it would be posted on Monday.
Heheh, not good enough for him it seems.. He wanted it done faster.. Ahh, he was joking and relented when I said it takes some time to come up with this shit..
SOOOOOOO, here it is, delivered when promised. Oh and if you score a new submissive or two because of this, don't forget me, eh?
Our submissive with the "gotta send me a giftcard" sent me a message saying that bit has been the greatest limitus test ever.. Just after she sent me an exchange she had with someone... This one is rather weird..
"slayerofable:
so what you really mean is you are a broke whore not just ugly you are the worst thing about this world
sojewtastic:
A good fable would be about a spider who goes into this guy’s apartment and the guy gets really angry and decides to spray the spider to death with bug spray, but he accidentally uses hair spray and so the spider ends up looking really sharp and then gets a job someplace that the guy was trying all week to get a job at.
slayerofable:
How dumb you are you thought slayer o fable. Ha slayer of able as in kain in the bible hun you can never hope to be on my level. I have women pay for my time and controle this is my job but you are nasty scaming old guys out of their retierment
sojewtastic:
Do you ever wish you went to the bathroom and instead of pee a bunch of dust came out because you were dead and your body had already decomposed? Or do you ever wish you were a hundred pounds skinnier because you had died and been cremated? Or do you ever wish you went to the doctor and he was like, "The test came back empty because you were never alive in the first place"? N-E way, just wondering.
slayerofable:
how many caps did you eat i have to know or have you started to main line
sojewtastic:
OK, one last question: Do you ever wish you woke up in a grave and had bugs for eyes and worms for hands? OK, and this really is the last one, I swear, but do you ever wish that instead of getting dressed in the morning you could just roll out of bed and clatter to the floor in a pile of bones?
slayerofable:
I get it you are tryin to be deep and creepy a pathetic atempt to scare or intimidate. Can i ask do you see how stupid you make your self to be. Hun you could never scare me once you have cut a mans femeral artery and watched him beeld out then desolive his boddy in a bath tube of draino thinking he would just drain away but find his kindy stone in the tube after pulling the plug but dont panick because they will blend in with your gravle
Umm, you've GOT to check out this slayrofable cat's profile.. I tell you it's pure gold. (He rather is taken with the idea of breaking dommes.) Oh and if you ever see a kidney stone that's big enough to see in a tub without a magnifying glass, get pictures and contact the Guiness Book of World Records people.
This next one isn't a profile, but a series of profiles. I first caught this over the summer and it was of a 46 female submissive in the UK. In her profile, she speaks of her daughter an how she's not heard a word from her in ages.. Well, there is more to story but this woman is offering herself as a prize for helping her get in touch with her daughter.. Uh huh, now she even gives you a road map to find her daughter (Uh, giving us the daughter's CM name)..
SOOOOOOO.. You go read the daughter's profile and of course she is aware of her mother looking for her and tells her side of the story as to why she does not contact her mother.. It seems as if mom was hitting on her boyfriend.. etc.
Yeah, those profiles were deleted and soon another set of profiles pops up with a different story and the same basic theme.
Last week I see this person is back.. NOW the daughter is living at home and she is offering her services as a submissive and as an added bonus, the right to take a shot at her daughter.
I don't know who is actually behind these profiles, but they're funny as hell.
On the other side of that spectrum is a profile that is labeled a 48 female submissive in Florida.. But here's the profile.
"This is a profile bout my mom. She's not aware of this...
Im her son, 24y old.
Mom is 48y, 5'8'', 130lbs, blonde, green eyes, busty 36C, married, mom of one, elem. school teacher... ANYONE WHO WANTS A REAL NASTY TALK BOUT HER, CONTACT ME IF U WILL"
Uh huh, Oedipus complex for the win?
Here's one from a 32 dominant in Kansas.. His entire profile is about what he expects from you as his slave... They're pretty funny as well.. here are a couple.
"2. A sub/slave should always obey her master as long as he is her true master. That means a true master will not push or take his sub/slave were she can not follow."
Umm, if she's with you what the fuck else would you be, you silly dipshit? And exactly what the fuck does that second sentence have to do with the first?
Okay, here's one of this guy's journal entries.
"Ok had some one ask me if I would train a slave for them. Just in that statment alone it is funny. What kind of Master or dom wants others to train what they own. What a joke they must be. Second he started to tell me how worthless females are. An how you have to abuse them to get them to obey. I know some out there like that and i know some submissives are no better then to be treated as such. But to just assume all are like that well just tells you how sad some of these doms are. An those that think you controle through fear or her body have no idea in what they are doing. You controle her through her mind you understand how she thinks and if you are really good you know what she thinks before she says anything. An then you can truly controle her.
If you have to brain wash her or brake her to controle her then again you are doing things wrong. Only the weak rule through fear. An only the dumb have to brake there toys to be able to play with them."
I'm NOT going to comment on all the spelling errors but again it's just funny to see them while talking about "the dumb" and the things they do.
Dude no one asked you to train a slave for them, ya liar. But you're right about one thing.. If anyone read your profile and DID contact you about training a slave for them, they'd be one dumb mother fucker for doing so. No really, if I were looking for someone to train a slave for me, you'd be way, WAY down on the bottom of the list.
And one more.. this one is ummm.. interesting to say the least.. This is a 37 dominant in Ontario, Canada and this cat says what he does is break the "cumming record" of women all over the globe. Ya see, he has a secret method he thought of, yep.. yep.. Here's one particular boast..
"Woman who have experience with forced electrical clitoral stimulation, you probably would not have your record broken by me. I have made one of my pets cum 200 times in a 2 hour session with the aid of a very effective 'toy', though that was a treat to one of my pets who was a loyal and proper-behaved pet for a considerable amount of time."
Yep, you read that right.. Two hundred orgasms in the space of 2 hours.. let's seeeeeeee.. that's an orgasm every 36 seconds... for two hours... err, right.
I don't think it's possible to even FAKE 200 orgasms in that kind of time frame. Anyway, imma help this fella out and teach him the art of the lie..
Ya see, the key to telling a good lie is to make the fucking thing believable. Now had you said 20 or even 30 in two hours that may have worked for your purpose, but 200? No fucking way.
And this in the beginning.. "I break the cumming records of women from countries across the globe from afar with the very effective secrets I thought of."
Really, it's rather sad to think that with the Kama Sutra and all those other methods for inducing orgasm the REAL secrets to multiples lie with this one dipshit in Canada.. Too bad he's lying his ass off, eh? But seeing as he does this from "afar", I wonder if the big secret is he's not actually there? Hmmm.
His journal entries are funny too, he hits back at people who've messaged him to call bullshit.
This note before I go, Jim Morrison has offically been pardoned by the Clemency Board of Florida. Thumbs up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDN9y2vTdUs&feature=related
Monday, December 6, 2010
I've been at this blog thingy for about 4 months now and i'm always getting messages from new people every day with nice comments on the blog. I thank you all. (Okay, now i'm going to tell you that's been no bed of roses... No pleasure cruise...) Nah, it's a lot of fun to write this stuff and imma gonna keep on keepin' on at it for at least the forseeable future. (Pssst. that means I consider it a challenge before the whole human race.... or at least the people who regularily read this...)
Okay, i'll bet you can't guess what song is on my mind, can you?
A quick update on that assclown SlaveTransportCo... His profile is gone.
Ah right then, there is a 37 female dominant in the UK who has gotten some messages from dominants who want to convert her to sub. I've gotten those myself and it's always fun to rip those idiots and their egos to shreds... Umm, here's what this woman had to say about one in particular..
"Yesterday I had a flurry of mail off a "supposed" Dominant man. His mission,in life is, to convert me into a submissive female.
He went into great detail to tell me how he has envisaged me on my knees waiting for him to unzip his tight pants. I would be begging for his manhood and open my mouth like a good little girl.
What he didn't see in his vision ...was me biting down so hard on his wriggly worm that he needed to go to the hospital with it wrapped in an ice pack and his mummy telling him to stay away from "nasty" girls like me"
You've GOT to be careful where you stick those wriggly worms, fellas. You just never know.
Here's one from a 41 female dominant from the land down under. (Hey, I found a great classic rock station yesterday and all these great songs are played on there...) This one says she has one disobedient slave, and while she already has one she is always looking to add to her stable.
Uh huh, Now tell me...You already have one you obviously can't keep in line and you want more? How can you possibly hope to succeed with MORE when you already have that disobedient one. Get his ass in line and THEN go out looking for more.. don't leave the job half done.
Oh, she's posted (or rather had the slave post) the punishments she's given him.. Umm, here's a hint.. if he's still disobedient afterwards it means the fucking punishment ain't working.. So as aside, if the punishments DO involve fucking, umm, back to the drawing board with you.
Off we go.. into the wild blue yonder...
Ahem....
Here's a 25 female slave in Texas.. and umm, err, well here's the profile.
"My master wants to retire from the lifestyle and willing to releasing me out for an exchange and i am willing to relocate to any part of the world.If you are interested please contact me."
Wait, freeze!...
Umm, why the fuck wasn't I notified that there was a damned Dominant union where there are retirement benefits?
Ah anyway, I have to wonder what this retiring dom will take in exchange for this 25 year old slave.. hmmm.. perhaps a new video card for his computer, I mean what's the going rate nowadays? New blades for his lawn mower? WHAT dammit?
I'm not the only one posting this sort of stuff... I've been seeing profiles from other people and they have their own things to post about.. here are a couple of brilliant ones.
This is from the journals of a 42 female submissive in Michigan..
"Most of us don't care what YOUR philosophy or definition of a slave or submissive is. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones that drone on and on and on and on about it, are the ones that DON'T HAVE ONE!!! Hmmmm....wonder why..."
D'oh! I read that and started to think back at some of the profiles i've seen and this is balls on dead accurate. It's always the ones who don't have anyone who are doing all of the pontificating in their profiles, journals and message message forums. They know it alllllll but are alone. How's all that knowledge feel?
And this is from that same submissive..
"If your profile reads something along these lines:
"Contact me ONLY if you're willing to submit fully to me," but says nothing else, really...do yourself a favor. REWRITE IT. How could anyone possibly know if they'd be willing to submit to you based on a tiny photo, your list of interests and one sentence?"
Fucking Brilliant I tell you. I've got to keep a close eye on this profile. I strongly suspect there will be much more brillance coming from this person.
Okay.. How many of you have seen those Geico commercials with the Gecko? (Looks around to see the show of hands) Good, good.. Now, the one with the blonde woman who goes off on the Gecko about Dayton, and that he should not even pretend to not recognize her. You know the one I mean? Yeah, that one.. she tells him that it's "too late, Stanley" to which the gecko replies that his name isn't Stanley.. And then she flounces off all flustered having mistaken the gecko for another talking Lizard.. Uh huh..
Right... Ummm, exactly what the fuck was this woman doing with a gecko in Dayton? I mean come on now.. There's only SO far we can suspend disbelief on this one. I mean the little fella is only about 4 or 6 inches long and is all squirmy and slim and... smooth... Hmmm.. Errr.. nevermind.
Yeah, uh.. Back to the profiles.
This is from the journal of a 54 dominant in Nebraska.
"With the overwhelming amount of scammers on here , I have to believe that CM itself, is set up just for this purpose, and most of the scammer profile are posted by the owners of CM."
Now, i'm not going to comment on the above on its content or rip into this guy for posting it.. I just wish to point out that it was posted in his journal on 2-19-10, 10 months ago....
You know, if you DO believe what you posted to be the truth one has to wonder why the fuck you're still on a site you believe is doing that, hmmmm?... Epecially with your wishy-washy profile.. Dude.. Epic fail!
As a point of interest, this guy didn't appreciate me adding him to my list of favorites.. But I told him to keep an eye on my blog. *Sweet smile*
This is a 30 dominant in Florida.. From his journal posted 11-24-10
"I'm not looking for a sub anymore. Not because I've met someone but just because I don't think I care to bother anymore. Finding soemone who really wants to share their life with another human being seems to be an overwhelmingly complicated task for something so effectively simple. I am here to offer what counsel I can and that is all."
Err, Now why on earth would any sane, thinking person want to accept advice of that sort from someone who has given up looking for a sub? Moreover, the dude thinks finding someone to share your life with should be a simple thing? No, this is someone who does not need to be "offering counsel" to anyone at all.
Shooo be dooooo.. Shooo beeee do be do... Yes, yes this one is a 46 dominant and a 27 submissive in Illinois, errr but this guy says his BDSM house is located in North Carolina. I dunno, this pretty dude is real from what I can see. (Oh yeah, this is a pretty mother fucker.. the cat looks like he's wearing rouge and lipstick.. Dude!!) But he's a bit on the uppity side.. check this out from his "official" CM profile..
"This House is KNOWN in the real world of BDSM. Xxxxxx xx Xxxxxxxx travels to events and lectures. If you do not KNOW this...you live only on-line."
Ah! Donnie Brasco.. the scene with Al Pacino (Lefty) telling Johnny Depp (Donnie) that his family can walk in all five burroughs with heads held high.. ask anyone.. he's KNOWN! This dude says if you don't who he is.. you're only online.. *giggle*
Dude, dude.. There are many people involved in BDSM and D/s who are NOT exclusively online and have never heard of you. You know I get that you have a good thing going for you, but let's not take ourselves TOO seriously eh?.. You might be well known in the public world of BDSM... (The 2005 DomCon certificate is cute as hell) But the rest of us who don't go to every munch and/or play party are no less real for not knowing YOU.
But you ARE pretty.. I'd lay off the heavy makeup if I were you though.. Don't go getting yourself too tarted up now, sweetie.
Right.. this one is unfortunate.. But err.. This is a 20 female submissive in South Dakota.. And here's the first paragraph in her profile.
"------Recently I have had an extremely unpleasant, horrible actually, experience. I've found out firsthand that there's no checks and balances system for the BDSM experience. Apparently when you first meet someone and say no, it means yes, because its one of your apparent experiences online. Thus, I got to know the streets of chicago myself, for three days, while waiting to leave. After being debased, and then again in the hospital following the experience. Yes, I'm bitter. I'm more infrequently online in these places. I'd rather be a lonely crazy-cat lady than have that happen again. I cant even PROSECUTE, as my stance looks shaky because of the place I met this person. I'm FURIOUS. I'll journal about this later here with more details and thoughts. Please, women that read this--Be more cautious than I was! :'(."
Unfortunate yes, and i'll never defend the person who apparently abused this person.. but the above was 100% AVOIDABLE.
What is it about D/s and BDSM that causes normally intelligent people to leave their common sense at the door? I can almost promise you if the above happened as this person says she went to Chicago after knowing the dominant a very short time and quite likely did not meet him at a public place. He make her feel guilty or soemthing?
Seriously, what sort of thought process is involved in not getting a hotel room for that three days and taking some time? And don't even mention a "safe call".. A safe call is good for helping the police find you AFTER something has gone wrong. There ain't a fucking thing your BFF back home can do for you before the fact.
Get that mother fucker's driver's license and give the appropriate information to your BFF and let her run that name and info on the internet to see if this is some sort of sex offender or something.
Bottom line here is if you allow yourself to be alone with someone you do not know... There's a pretty good chance it's NOT going to end happily for you.
Yeah, she posted a journal entry about it as promised.. She speaks of consensual nonconsent. Umm, you DO realize if you agreed to that you've given consent to do things you may not want, right? Again, how long did you know this guy before doing this?
She goes on to say that she hopes others learn from her mistakes. Good idea that, use her experience as a manual of what NOT to do when treking to a strange city to meet someone you met on the fucking internet.
Oooo I need to do the highlighting of the fake lesbian bit..
This one.. well, i've already had some lulz with this one.. He was the "I make my parents kneel for me" clown I wrote about a couple of entries ago... Welllllllllll, Mzcourtney sent me ANOTHER friend request and remains on my admirers list... I send him a letter after getting this second friend request asking if she could really be that stupid to send me another such friend request.. Especially seeing as when he did the first time I responded to him saying I thought his profile was hilarious... Apparently so, but he didn't answer me to confirm or deny.
He certainly seems to be taken with me, lol.. Maybe I should require that he have a broomstick up his ass when he does shit like that, eh?
Eh, he added some pictures to his profile too... Changed from a leather clad woman to a more "girl next door" type.. A totally different person but it's a fake lesbian, who cares what picture is there?
Okay, last one before I go.. This is a 22 dominant from West Virginia.. Heh, well here's the profile..
"Dominate Male I'm NOT new to this site I've been around for several years...but recently decided to make a new account as it's been such a longtime since I have been around. Im into both BDSM/Gorean lifestyle. I do online as well as RL....Interested in friends and possibly more....once a connection is made.
I'm turned on by intelligence. I do not like ignorance or drama of ANY FORM. I'm always interested in making new friends. I have much experiance in both online and RL. I'm into kinky play....I'm experianced with most..but always looking to venture into new things."
I know, I know..it's too easy to harp on bad spelling.. But it's just funny to see someone do it while speaking of how they value intelligence.
Right.. TTFN
Okay, i'll bet you can't guess what song is on my mind, can you?
A quick update on that assclown SlaveTransportCo... His profile is gone.
Ah right then, there is a 37 female dominant in the UK who has gotten some messages from dominants who want to convert her to sub. I've gotten those myself and it's always fun to rip those idiots and their egos to shreds... Umm, here's what this woman had to say about one in particular..
"Yesterday I had a flurry of mail off a "supposed" Dominant man. His mission,in life is, to convert me into a submissive female.
He went into great detail to tell me how he has envisaged me on my knees waiting for him to unzip his tight pants. I would be begging for his manhood and open my mouth like a good little girl.
What he didn't see in his vision ...was me biting down so hard on his wriggly worm that he needed to go to the hospital with it wrapped in an ice pack and his mummy telling him to stay away from "nasty" girls like me"
You've GOT to be careful where you stick those wriggly worms, fellas. You just never know.
Here's one from a 41 female dominant from the land down under. (Hey, I found a great classic rock station yesterday and all these great songs are played on there...) This one says she has one disobedient slave, and while she already has one she is always looking to add to her stable.
Uh huh, Now tell me...You already have one you obviously can't keep in line and you want more? How can you possibly hope to succeed with MORE when you already have that disobedient one. Get his ass in line and THEN go out looking for more.. don't leave the job half done.
Oh, she's posted (or rather had the slave post) the punishments she's given him.. Umm, here's a hint.. if he's still disobedient afterwards it means the fucking punishment ain't working.. So as aside, if the punishments DO involve fucking, umm, back to the drawing board with you.
Off we go.. into the wild blue yonder...
Ahem....
Here's a 25 female slave in Texas.. and umm, err, well here's the profile.
"My master wants to retire from the lifestyle and willing to releasing me out for an exchange and i am willing to relocate to any part of the world.If you are interested please contact me."
Wait, freeze!...
Umm, why the fuck wasn't I notified that there was a damned Dominant union where there are retirement benefits?
Ah anyway, I have to wonder what this retiring dom will take in exchange for this 25 year old slave.. hmmm.. perhaps a new video card for his computer, I mean what's the going rate nowadays? New blades for his lawn mower? WHAT dammit?
I'm not the only one posting this sort of stuff... I've been seeing profiles from other people and they have their own things to post about.. here are a couple of brilliant ones.
This is from the journals of a 42 female submissive in Michigan..
"Most of us don't care what YOUR philosophy or definition of a slave or submissive is. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones that drone on and on and on and on about it, are the ones that DON'T HAVE ONE!!! Hmmmm....wonder why..."
D'oh! I read that and started to think back at some of the profiles i've seen and this is balls on dead accurate. It's always the ones who don't have anyone who are doing all of the pontificating in their profiles, journals and message message forums. They know it alllllll but are alone. How's all that knowledge feel?
And this is from that same submissive..
"If your profile reads something along these lines:
"Contact me ONLY if you're willing to submit fully to me," but says nothing else, really...do yourself a favor. REWRITE IT. How could anyone possibly know if they'd be willing to submit to you based on a tiny photo, your list of interests and one sentence?"
Fucking Brilliant I tell you. I've got to keep a close eye on this profile. I strongly suspect there will be much more brillance coming from this person.
Okay.. How many of you have seen those Geico commercials with the Gecko? (Looks around to see the show of hands) Good, good.. Now, the one with the blonde woman who goes off on the Gecko about Dayton, and that he should not even pretend to not recognize her. You know the one I mean? Yeah, that one.. she tells him that it's "too late, Stanley" to which the gecko replies that his name isn't Stanley.. And then she flounces off all flustered having mistaken the gecko for another talking Lizard.. Uh huh..
Right... Ummm, exactly what the fuck was this woman doing with a gecko in Dayton? I mean come on now.. There's only SO far we can suspend disbelief on this one. I mean the little fella is only about 4 or 6 inches long and is all squirmy and slim and... smooth... Hmmm.. Errr.. nevermind.
Yeah, uh.. Back to the profiles.
This is from the journal of a 54 dominant in Nebraska.
"With the overwhelming amount of scammers on here , I have to believe that CM itself, is set up just for this purpose, and most of the scammer profile are posted by the owners of CM."
Now, i'm not going to comment on the above on its content or rip into this guy for posting it.. I just wish to point out that it was posted in his journal on 2-19-10, 10 months ago....
You know, if you DO believe what you posted to be the truth one has to wonder why the fuck you're still on a site you believe is doing that, hmmmm?... Epecially with your wishy-washy profile.. Dude.. Epic fail!
As a point of interest, this guy didn't appreciate me adding him to my list of favorites.. But I told him to keep an eye on my blog. *Sweet smile*
This is a 30 dominant in Florida.. From his journal posted 11-24-10
"I'm not looking for a sub anymore. Not because I've met someone but just because I don't think I care to bother anymore. Finding soemone who really wants to share their life with another human being seems to be an overwhelmingly complicated task for something so effectively simple. I am here to offer what counsel I can and that is all."
Err, Now why on earth would any sane, thinking person want to accept advice of that sort from someone who has given up looking for a sub? Moreover, the dude thinks finding someone to share your life with should be a simple thing? No, this is someone who does not need to be "offering counsel" to anyone at all.
Shooo be dooooo.. Shooo beeee do be do... Yes, yes this one is a 46 dominant and a 27 submissive in Illinois, errr but this guy says his BDSM house is located in North Carolina. I dunno, this pretty dude is real from what I can see. (Oh yeah, this is a pretty mother fucker.. the cat looks like he's wearing rouge and lipstick.. Dude!!) But he's a bit on the uppity side.. check this out from his "official" CM profile..
"This House is KNOWN in the real world of BDSM. Xxxxxx xx Xxxxxxxx travels to events and lectures. If you do not KNOW this...you live only on-line."
Ah! Donnie Brasco.. the scene with Al Pacino (Lefty) telling Johnny Depp (Donnie) that his family can walk in all five burroughs with heads held high.. ask anyone.. he's KNOWN! This dude says if you don't who he is.. you're only online.. *giggle*
Dude, dude.. There are many people involved in BDSM and D/s who are NOT exclusively online and have never heard of you. You know I get that you have a good thing going for you, but let's not take ourselves TOO seriously eh?.. You might be well known in the public world of BDSM... (The 2005 DomCon certificate is cute as hell) But the rest of us who don't go to every munch and/or play party are no less real for not knowing YOU.
But you ARE pretty.. I'd lay off the heavy makeup if I were you though.. Don't go getting yourself too tarted up now, sweetie.
Right.. this one is unfortunate.. But err.. This is a 20 female submissive in South Dakota.. And here's the first paragraph in her profile.
"------Recently I have had an extremely unpleasant, horrible actually, experience. I've found out firsthand that there's no checks and balances system for the BDSM experience. Apparently when you first meet someone and say no, it means yes, because its one of your apparent experiences online. Thus, I got to know the streets of chicago myself, for three days, while waiting to leave. After being debased, and then again in the hospital following the experience. Yes, I'm bitter. I'm more infrequently online in these places. I'd rather be a lonely crazy-cat lady than have that happen again. I cant even PROSECUTE, as my stance looks shaky because of the place I met this person. I'm FURIOUS. I'll journal about this later here with more details and thoughts. Please, women that read this--Be more cautious than I was! :'(."
Unfortunate yes, and i'll never defend the person who apparently abused this person.. but the above was 100% AVOIDABLE.
What is it about D/s and BDSM that causes normally intelligent people to leave their common sense at the door? I can almost promise you if the above happened as this person says she went to Chicago after knowing the dominant a very short time and quite likely did not meet him at a public place. He make her feel guilty or soemthing?
Seriously, what sort of thought process is involved in not getting a hotel room for that three days and taking some time? And don't even mention a "safe call".. A safe call is good for helping the police find you AFTER something has gone wrong. There ain't a fucking thing your BFF back home can do for you before the fact.
Get that mother fucker's driver's license and give the appropriate information to your BFF and let her run that name and info on the internet to see if this is some sort of sex offender or something.
Bottom line here is if you allow yourself to be alone with someone you do not know... There's a pretty good chance it's NOT going to end happily for you.
Yeah, she posted a journal entry about it as promised.. She speaks of consensual nonconsent. Umm, you DO realize if you agreed to that you've given consent to do things you may not want, right? Again, how long did you know this guy before doing this?
She goes on to say that she hopes others learn from her mistakes. Good idea that, use her experience as a manual of what NOT to do when treking to a strange city to meet someone you met on the fucking internet.
Oooo I need to do the highlighting of the fake lesbian bit..
This one.. well, i've already had some lulz with this one.. He was the "I make my parents kneel for me" clown I wrote about a couple of entries ago... Welllllllllll, Mzcourtney sent me ANOTHER friend request and remains on my admirers list... I send him a letter after getting this second friend request asking if she could really be that stupid to send me another such friend request.. Especially seeing as when he did the first time I responded to him saying I thought his profile was hilarious... Apparently so, but he didn't answer me to confirm or deny.
He certainly seems to be taken with me, lol.. Maybe I should require that he have a broomstick up his ass when he does shit like that, eh?
Eh, he added some pictures to his profile too... Changed from a leather clad woman to a more "girl next door" type.. A totally different person but it's a fake lesbian, who cares what picture is there?
Okay, last one before I go.. This is a 22 dominant from West Virginia.. Heh, well here's the profile..
"Dominate Male I'm NOT new to this site I've been around for several years...but recently decided to make a new account as it's been such a longtime since I have been around. Im into both BDSM/Gorean lifestyle. I do online as well as RL....Interested in friends and possibly more....once a connection is made.
I'm turned on by intelligence. I do not like ignorance or drama of ANY FORM. I'm always interested in making new friends. I have much experiance in both online and RL. I'm into kinky play....I'm experianced with most..but always looking to venture into new things."
I know, I know..it's too easy to harp on bad spelling.. But it's just funny to see someone do it while speaking of how they value intelligence.
Right.. TTFN
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
There are hundreds, thousands of profiles on CM where the writer claims to be either a professional, or well off.. etc. It makes me wonder why when you see their included pictures (if they bothered to include them) most of these "well off" people are dressed in rags or if they're wearing business attire such as a coat and tie it's clear the person in the photo does not look comfortable wearing it. Or even better, the pictures are so grainy and of such low quality it makes you question when the photo was actually taken.
Many of these same people have managed to have a picture taken of themselves posing next to a luxury or expensive sports car. (Or even better, the car or yacht alone) Not cars parked in the driveway, no no no no.. Cars parked in the street at a parking meter or something like that.
One such example of this is a 42 dominant in Texas who says he is a millionaire and his profile is well.. funny.
Folks, if by some chance you find someone they WILL find out you're in fact a blue collar worker or office clerk and not the well off professional you've presented yourself as. Where will you be then when that person figures out you've been lying, hmm?
There's a 53 female submissive in Texas who until recently posted many journals full of jokes. CM deleted all of her journals and when she asked for an explanation, she got one. She was told her entries were cut and paste from another site, some of the jokes were against the TOS, and since they were from another site it was not clear she had permission to post them on CM.
She posted the reply she received from CM and then added the following...
"I think this is total BS as my journal should be protected under the constitution, but I guess the CM powers that be are God now..."
I use that quote from CollarMe but this is a fallacy that is widespread on forums and social networking sites all over the internet.
You do not have the RIGHT to post on any message board, journal, or whatever. Those sites are not public and when you gain access to them, the ability to post journals and what have you is a PRIVILEGE granted to you, not a right.
Sites such as CollarMe have a Terms of Agreeement and if you do something that breaks the agreement, the administrators can and will remove the offending material, or person from the site.
This sense of entitlement is really beyond sad, as well as shows a decided lack of understanding of the US Constitution.
Right.. let's find some lulz.. this is a 28 lesbian dominant in California.. And umm, well let's just see the profile and take it from there.
"Hello, I am Jennifer, or Christie..this is profile number 4 due to either hacking or douchebags. so therefore, its staying this short. kbyee."
Fuck, this one is so confused he doesn't know whether he's supposed to be Jennifer, or Christie.. Must be all that hacking of your profiles huh?
I've seen that quite a bit.. mostly with the fake lesbians.. their profile was hacked so they started a new profile. Ah, now i'll just bet if one were to do some research on this, you'd find all those profiles got "hacked" right about the time they got caught being fake. (Must have been the little brother doing it, yes yes?)
"With hunger at her heels.. freedom in her eyes.. She dances on her knees.. Pirate prince by her side.. Staring into.. a hollow idol's eyes" <-- The Doors - Wild Child
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSnQa1rE3xY
In case you haven't heard, the outgoing Governor of Florida wishes to pardon Jim Morrison for the conviction that he exposed himself onstage on March 1, 1969 at the Dinner Key Theatre in Miami.
Based on what happened at his trial and the obvious prejudiced judge in the case, they'd have won on appeal but the appeal was never heard because well, Jim took that trip to Paris...
This is a long time coming, so props to Gov. Crist.
Okay then, here's one from a 46 dominant in Florida who is an OLDSCHOOL Master. How do we know he's OLDSCHOOL? Because he says so at least 15 times in his profile and journals.
Now to put this in perspective, he maintains that by OLDSCHOOL, he means he is a "pre internet" master.. Ahh, from way back in the 80's when we had to pick it up on the streets huh?
Anyway I like this cat's profile (On a lulz level) for several reasons... First this guy speaks of some of the "internet doms" as people he took lunch money from in highschool.
So basically this fucker's idea of of being a real dom is being a bully, cool. Hey, he said it not me!!!
It's not surprising this guy was a school bully cause he sure the fuck wasn't there to learn anything. This asshat makes all of the same spelling errors as the typical internet idiot.. Examples: differant, truely, experiance, your instead of you're, mearly, possably, and the granddaddy of all.. dominate instead of dominant.
Now you're wondering why I'd make an issue out of spelling when it seems such a small thing? I'll be happy to tell you. BDSM and D/s are very detail oriented, would you agree? Good, good. It's a good bet the person not detailed enough to make sure what they put forward on a social site such as CM is spellchecked (Hint.. a new feature of CM's text entering engine is spellcheck), is going to be decidedly lacking in other, more important details later on.
Welllllll mister OLDSCHOOL, let me give you a little history lesson about online BDSM.. It existed in the early and mid 80's in the form of Compuserve, Genie, People Link (PLink), Playnet, Delphi, and many single line BBS systems. By the end of the decade a place called America Online came along (AOL, heard of it?).. Sooooo... Online D/s-BDSM has been around longer than you claim to have been involved in the "lifestyle" (20+ years he says.) There were worldwide (pre newsgroup) forums about such as Fidonet, and one offshoot of that was KINKNET and there was BDSM there as well.
The time YOU speak of was in the 60's and 70's, headed by the gay leather scene. Yes Gomer, the leathermen. (The fathers of what we now call the "old guard" in the USA) It was underground and those wanting to attend any of their functions had to be invited, you didn't just stumble in and start asking questions.
Here's something from his latest journal on 11-10-2010
"Sitting here, reading profiles ( I read alot of them ) I see so many that have Sub or Slave as the header. Then as you read through the profile, they have things such as .... Listen guys if you do this , then I'm not intereted . If you look like this then go away, I want......., you should be this ......... I only do this..... ECT.... I say to myself ... I know this is just a web site and 90 % on here have no clue what the TRUE lifestyle is, but where I come from the way of OLD SCHOOL... A Sub or Slave does not deman or expect things ? The role of Sub or Slave is to serve and please, not to give orders demands or limits. I know we all have limits, but is'nt the job and role of a good Master to expound the limits of a slave, to help her grow , overcome limits to explore learn and grow ? Both Mental and Physical ? Have i missed something over the last 20+ years in the lifestyle ? There are many profiles that appear interesting when first read, then ... When i read journals i see demand this want this you need to be this ect... This is not a true Slave or Sub ! A open mind, willingness to learn the joy of serving is."
What, do you really believe even back then subs and slaves didn't have certain criteria that needed to be met before giving control of herself to someone? Not that you were actually there seeing that it is crystal clear you're nothing more than another of a long line of assholes who invented himself ON the internet with a claim of mannnnnnny years of experience and ideas that wouldn't have flown even back in the days you claim to be from. But really, do you honestly believe even back in the 70's and 80's slaves and subs were that mindless?
Here's the bad news for all you OLDSCHOOL types, it's an era that is in the past. Like many, many other things BDSM and D/s has evolved into something else. The internet has brought to the scene many people who participate on a casual basis or even on a strictly experimental level. You 46 year old OLDSCHOOL masters are not going to be running headlong into a gaggle of those 25 year old hotties you're seeking without also running into having to meet their criteria. As much as I know you OLDSCHOOL types wish it to be different, but really.. even someone who identifies as a slave gets to choose to whom they submit.. Err, unless they happen to be on a certain juxtaposing planet... Or more realistically, have put themselves in an environment where their presence is considered consent.
I swear I could fill three entries ripping into this asshole, but onward we must go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjIlfbKf8oM&feature=related
This one.. This one is too cute to pass up. This is a 25 dominant from Washington and this kid is wearing a pair of sunglasses that somehow cannot hide the fact he looks like he's 12... This kid is also a little confused about something..Let me show you a little of his profile.
"Ok i am not to good at writing or telling about my self but hear i go i am 19 I have been a Master starting senc i was 16 and i loved it i am tall 6'3 and smat but mite not look it and strong plus i wreastled for 6 years. I love anal just to let you know so if you dont want that go on bye but i am also looking for any age and women mostly but men you have to prove your self more."
This made my eyes bleed a little with the terrible grammar, but this kid seems to be a little confused about how old he's supposed to be. In his profile he says he's 19 but the top of the profile says 25.
Eh, more than likely he's really 16.. He sure doesn't look old enough to shave...
That little baby face gives you away, cutie pie.
Hmm, here's a 25 female submissive in Indiana who just joined CM on 11-20-2010. She has a bit of a problem in the form of a needed surgery for her son and she is here to seek help. The sort of help she seeks is of course of the financial sort and in return you will get to use her either on the phone or on the webcam.. But not in person, yeah.
On the surface, this looks like someone who is simply a professional online submissive trying to get clients. If that's so I gotta say this is a sick fucking way to get said clients..Better to just say, "Hey, pay me and i'll be your webcam slut."
Err, if this is on the level... I dunno.. I just don't know.
Right then..I've been getting a bit of feedback from our submissive with the "send me a giftcard" bit in her profile.. Some of these responses are pretty much what I expected... but a couple are well.. just a bit out there.. here, lemme show you.
One cat sends her a message and relates a tale he heard about Abraham Lincoln.. He tells of Honest Abe getting a request from someone he didn't know where Lincoln responds that it's bad form to make such a request without including a self addressed stamped envelope.. Errr, he tells this story to make the point that it is bad form to ask for something of value as a precondition of a relationship.
Yeah we know..But why on earth didn't you just say that without the fucking story, ya jackass?
Next response..
"From: act4708 Dated: 11/22/10 1:24 AM Note: This user does not have an active profile Hey! I have talked to you before, not that it matters now, but your profile has gotten down right fucking retarded. 1#, That's not the way to meet quality people. 2#, you really are not that cute & should just be happy ANYONE is messaging you.#3, good luck with trying to be some weird of a online chat hooker. Basically, it's really not cool, and this is not the site to do it on. Good night & fuck you."
No active profile pretty much tells the story there.. But this next one... This next one.. Errrr
"From:
NoLimitsControl
Dated:
11/26/10 12:43 PM
The gift card/wish list thing totally proves you're a jew. Very amusing, to be honest. Unless it's some sort of test, to weed-out the pathetic, wannabe Doms and to amuse yourself in the process.
As you should know, a Domme will ask for a 'tribute', a submissive shouldn't. But I'm sure you won't reply, anyway."
Just have a look at this guy's profile and picture and make your own conclusions about the above message.
Ahhh.. Not gonna link the fake lesbian theme song this time... but our spotlighted fake lesbian is BitchRose..
This one... wellllllll.. Let's just say the name fits.. this guy has page after page after page of journals (7 pages)and is doing nothing in them except bitching about one thing or another. This asshole isn't even looking for the real thing, but online.. ONLINE!
Dude, even fake lesbians can only take so much complaining. Chill the fuck out and you just might find that perfect online subbie you're looking for. But probably not.. Just sayin'
Eh, enough for now.. But i'll be back.
Many of these same people have managed to have a picture taken of themselves posing next to a luxury or expensive sports car. (Or even better, the car or yacht alone) Not cars parked in the driveway, no no no no.. Cars parked in the street at a parking meter or something like that.
One such example of this is a 42 dominant in Texas who says he is a millionaire and his profile is well.. funny.
Folks, if by some chance you find someone they WILL find out you're in fact a blue collar worker or office clerk and not the well off professional you've presented yourself as. Where will you be then when that person figures out you've been lying, hmm?
There's a 53 female submissive in Texas who until recently posted many journals full of jokes. CM deleted all of her journals and when she asked for an explanation, she got one. She was told her entries were cut and paste from another site, some of the jokes were against the TOS, and since they were from another site it was not clear she had permission to post them on CM.
She posted the reply she received from CM and then added the following...
"I think this is total BS as my journal should be protected under the constitution, but I guess the CM powers that be are God now..."
I use that quote from CollarMe but this is a fallacy that is widespread on forums and social networking sites all over the internet.
You do not have the RIGHT to post on any message board, journal, or whatever. Those sites are not public and when you gain access to them, the ability to post journals and what have you is a PRIVILEGE granted to you, not a right.
Sites such as CollarMe have a Terms of Agreeement and if you do something that breaks the agreement, the administrators can and will remove the offending material, or person from the site.
This sense of entitlement is really beyond sad, as well as shows a decided lack of understanding of the US Constitution.
Right.. let's find some lulz.. this is a 28 lesbian dominant in California.. And umm, well let's just see the profile and take it from there.
"Hello, I am Jennifer, or Christie..this is profile number 4 due to either hacking or douchebags. so therefore, its staying this short. kbyee."
Fuck, this one is so confused he doesn't know whether he's supposed to be Jennifer, or Christie.. Must be all that hacking of your profiles huh?
I've seen that quite a bit.. mostly with the fake lesbians.. their profile was hacked so they started a new profile. Ah, now i'll just bet if one were to do some research on this, you'd find all those profiles got "hacked" right about the time they got caught being fake. (Must have been the little brother doing it, yes yes?)
"With hunger at her heels.. freedom in her eyes.. She dances on her knees.. Pirate prince by her side.. Staring into.. a hollow idol's eyes" <-- The Doors - Wild Child
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSnQa1rE3xY
In case you haven't heard, the outgoing Governor of Florida wishes to pardon Jim Morrison for the conviction that he exposed himself onstage on March 1, 1969 at the Dinner Key Theatre in Miami.
Based on what happened at his trial and the obvious prejudiced judge in the case, they'd have won on appeal but the appeal was never heard because well, Jim took that trip to Paris...
This is a long time coming, so props to Gov. Crist.
Okay then, here's one from a 46 dominant in Florida who is an OLDSCHOOL Master. How do we know he's OLDSCHOOL? Because he says so at least 15 times in his profile and journals.
Now to put this in perspective, he maintains that by OLDSCHOOL, he means he is a "pre internet" master.. Ahh, from way back in the 80's when we had to pick it up on the streets huh?
Anyway I like this cat's profile (On a lulz level) for several reasons... First this guy speaks of some of the "internet doms" as people he took lunch money from in highschool.
So basically this fucker's idea of of being a real dom is being a bully, cool. Hey, he said it not me!!!
It's not surprising this guy was a school bully cause he sure the fuck wasn't there to learn anything. This asshat makes all of the same spelling errors as the typical internet idiot.. Examples: differant, truely, experiance, your instead of you're, mearly, possably, and the granddaddy of all.. dominate instead of dominant.
Now you're wondering why I'd make an issue out of spelling when it seems such a small thing? I'll be happy to tell you. BDSM and D/s are very detail oriented, would you agree? Good, good. It's a good bet the person not detailed enough to make sure what they put forward on a social site such as CM is spellchecked (Hint.. a new feature of CM's text entering engine is spellcheck), is going to be decidedly lacking in other, more important details later on.
Welllllll mister OLDSCHOOL, let me give you a little history lesson about online BDSM.. It existed in the early and mid 80's in the form of Compuserve, Genie, People Link (PLink), Playnet, Delphi, and many single line BBS systems. By the end of the decade a place called America Online came along (AOL, heard of it?).. Sooooo... Online D/s-BDSM has been around longer than you claim to have been involved in the "lifestyle" (20+ years he says.) There were worldwide (pre newsgroup) forums about such as Fidonet, and one offshoot of that was KINKNET and there was BDSM there as well.
The time YOU speak of was in the 60's and 70's, headed by the gay leather scene. Yes Gomer, the leathermen. (The fathers of what we now call the "old guard" in the USA) It was underground and those wanting to attend any of their functions had to be invited, you didn't just stumble in and start asking questions.
Here's something from his latest journal on 11-10-2010
"Sitting here, reading profiles ( I read alot of them ) I see so many that have Sub or Slave as the header. Then as you read through the profile, they have things such as .... Listen guys if you do this , then I'm not intereted . If you look like this then go away, I want......., you should be this ......... I only do this..... ECT.... I say to myself ... I know this is just a web site and 90 % on here have no clue what the TRUE lifestyle is, but where I come from the way of OLD SCHOOL... A Sub or Slave does not deman or expect things ? The role of Sub or Slave is to serve and please, not to give orders demands or limits. I know we all have limits, but is'nt the job and role of a good Master to expound the limits of a slave, to help her grow , overcome limits to explore learn and grow ? Both Mental and Physical ? Have i missed something over the last 20+ years in the lifestyle ? There are many profiles that appear interesting when first read, then ... When i read journals i see demand this want this you need to be this ect... This is not a true Slave or Sub ! A open mind, willingness to learn the joy of serving is."
What, do you really believe even back then subs and slaves didn't have certain criteria that needed to be met before giving control of herself to someone? Not that you were actually there seeing that it is crystal clear you're nothing more than another of a long line of assholes who invented himself ON the internet with a claim of mannnnnnny years of experience and ideas that wouldn't have flown even back in the days you claim to be from. But really, do you honestly believe even back in the 70's and 80's slaves and subs were that mindless?
Here's the bad news for all you OLDSCHOOL types, it's an era that is in the past. Like many, many other things BDSM and D/s has evolved into something else. The internet has brought to the scene many people who participate on a casual basis or even on a strictly experimental level. You 46 year old OLDSCHOOL masters are not going to be running headlong into a gaggle of those 25 year old hotties you're seeking without also running into having to meet their criteria. As much as I know you OLDSCHOOL types wish it to be different, but really.. even someone who identifies as a slave gets to choose to whom they submit.. Err, unless they happen to be on a certain juxtaposing planet... Or more realistically, have put themselves in an environment where their presence is considered consent.
I swear I could fill three entries ripping into this asshole, but onward we must go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjIlfbKf8oM&feature=related
This one.. This one is too cute to pass up. This is a 25 dominant from Washington and this kid is wearing a pair of sunglasses that somehow cannot hide the fact he looks like he's 12... This kid is also a little confused about something..Let me show you a little of his profile.
"Ok i am not to good at writing or telling about my self but hear i go i am 19 I have been a Master starting senc i was 16 and i loved it i am tall 6'3 and smat but mite not look it and strong plus i wreastled for 6 years. I love anal just to let you know so if you dont want that go on bye but i am also looking for any age and women mostly but men you have to prove your self more."
This made my eyes bleed a little with the terrible grammar, but this kid seems to be a little confused about how old he's supposed to be. In his profile he says he's 19 but the top of the profile says 25.
Eh, more than likely he's really 16.. He sure doesn't look old enough to shave...
That little baby face gives you away, cutie pie.
Hmm, here's a 25 female submissive in Indiana who just joined CM on 11-20-2010. She has a bit of a problem in the form of a needed surgery for her son and she is here to seek help. The sort of help she seeks is of course of the financial sort and in return you will get to use her either on the phone or on the webcam.. But not in person, yeah.
On the surface, this looks like someone who is simply a professional online submissive trying to get clients. If that's so I gotta say this is a sick fucking way to get said clients..Better to just say, "Hey, pay me and i'll be your webcam slut."
Err, if this is on the level... I dunno.. I just don't know.
Right then..I've been getting a bit of feedback from our submissive with the "send me a giftcard" bit in her profile.. Some of these responses are pretty much what I expected... but a couple are well.. just a bit out there.. here, lemme show you.
One cat sends her a message and relates a tale he heard about Abraham Lincoln.. He tells of Honest Abe getting a request from someone he didn't know where Lincoln responds that it's bad form to make such a request without including a self addressed stamped envelope.. Errr, he tells this story to make the point that it is bad form to ask for something of value as a precondition of a relationship.
Yeah we know..But why on earth didn't you just say that without the fucking story, ya jackass?
Next response..
"From: act4708 Dated: 11/22/10 1:24 AM Note: This user does not have an active profile Hey! I have talked to you before, not that it matters now, but your profile has gotten down right fucking retarded. 1#, That's not the way to meet quality people. 2#, you really are not that cute & should just be happy ANYONE is messaging you.#3, good luck with trying to be some weird of a online chat hooker. Basically, it's really not cool, and this is not the site to do it on. Good night & fuck you."
No active profile pretty much tells the story there.. But this next one... This next one.. Errrr
"From:
NoLimitsControl
Dated:
11/26/10 12:43 PM
The gift card/wish list thing totally proves you're a jew. Very amusing, to be honest. Unless it's some sort of test, to weed-out the pathetic, wannabe Doms and to amuse yourself in the process.
As you should know, a Domme will ask for a 'tribute', a submissive shouldn't. But I'm sure you won't reply, anyway."
Just have a look at this guy's profile and picture and make your own conclusions about the above message.
Ahhh.. Not gonna link the fake lesbian theme song this time... but our spotlighted fake lesbian is BitchRose..
This one... wellllllll.. Let's just say the name fits.. this guy has page after page after page of journals (7 pages)and is doing nothing in them except bitching about one thing or another. This asshole isn't even looking for the real thing, but online.. ONLINE!
Dude, even fake lesbians can only take so much complaining. Chill the fuck out and you just might find that perfect online subbie you're looking for. But probably not.. Just sayin'
Eh, enough for now.. But i'll be back.
Monday, November 15, 2010
In the D/s world we toss about such words as TRUST, HONESTY, RESPECT, INTEGRITY, HONOR and other catchwords to describe this thing of ours. Well at times we throw those words about so much they start to lose meaning and cause nausea, but that's a rant for a different day.
Take those above words and see if you can explain to me how you fit any of them when you are either in a "vanilla" relationship or married and need to be discreet.
"But, my wife doesn't understand me!" So how in the fuck did you manage to make those vows with someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, who doesn't understand you? I mean that IS what you were saying when you got married, yes? I swear I see so many profiles from people who say, "I've known all my life this is who I am." Yet they maintain they are married to someone who doesn't understand them.
Well ya doofus, if you've known all your life why the fuck didn't you find someone suitable for that interest BEFORE you married Mr or Mrs Vanilla? I mean come on, if this is SUCH a big part of you or the tried and true "It's just who I am", why didn't you find someone suitable back then? Fuck you and your need to be discreet, ya cheating fuckers.
Let us travel to the realm of the profiles.... to find the lulz of course. This one.. well this one is a real tear jerker.. Get your tissues ready for this.....
Mmmkay.. ready?
Right then.. This is a 30 Dominant from Indiana and this cat posted a profile as bad if not worse than all those "he pissed on my gift" profiles.. This is world class drama queen stuff, folks.. great reading..
Strike up the violins playing the soft, dark ballad as we hear the tale of the military man who out of the goodness of his heart took a 19 year girl off of the streets.. Took her out of the rags she was wearing and dressed her nicely.. fed her well.. put a roof over her head.. AND... Here's the capper.. bought her a mini laptop for use in the class he encouraged her to take.. HE GAVE HER A LIFE!!!!
But!!!.. But while he was away in another state taking a military class she turned on him!!! (cue the dramatic heart thumping music to fully convey the drama).... She and her 30 year old friend who was supposed to keeping an eye on her used his apartment to run a prostitution ring....
Ohhhh noeeeeeeeeeeessssssss!!
While he was out taking a military class and may very well have to go to Iraq she was giving herself to 10. count em TEN men!
Ohhhhhhh the humanity!
Right, if you find this pussy's profile... Well, suffice it to say it's more dramatic than what I just wrote... This dude wrote a fucking poem about her and put it on his profile.. A fucking poem!?!
Dude, really we feel your pain.. Now dry the tears and sack the fuck up.. Fucking whiny ass. Don't make me call out Sgt. Hartman on your ass.
Of course he could also be taking some errr artistic liberties with the truth on this and it didn't go down QUITE as he tells it. My guess is he hooked up with someone out of his league and she better dealed his pussy ass.
Here's another of those profiles where the writer just comes up with some out of this world shit and presents it as the truth..
This is a 41 dominant in Alabama who is the self proclaimed "arch bishop" of the house of Pain and Glory.
This cat isn't your run of the mill Master who invented himself online.. Oh no no no folks.. This guy is a fucking 3rd degree master in the lifestyle of BDSM who has also adopted some truth in the lifestyle of Gorean.
Umm, 3rd degree master? UH, I can't begin to imagine what under the realm of the great prophet Zarquon <--- Hitchhiker's guide reference.. Are the steps it takes to become a fucking 3rd degree master in the lifestyle of BDSM?
"Ahh backflogger, one must first learn to flog this rice paper without breaking it before you can aspire to the lofty heights of the 3rd degree."
The really funny part of this one's profile is at the bottom of it where he speaks of private sessions and he expects to be paid for them.. Yep, you read that right.. after the first session the quoted price must be paid in full.
I mean for realz, are you kidding me?
I'm going to do something totally out of character for me, and point you at a profile of someone for the purpose of reading something from someone who has a great sense of humor..
His name is Ponyboy75 and his journal entries are pure gold.. Check them out and drop him a line, give him his props for the journals.
I've purposely stayed away from making fun of the way someone looks because that's not how I roll... No fun in that, really.. But this is from a 35 female dominant in Wisconsin. Some of you may already know this person as this is the very same person who says she has a contract that has been "reviewed by lawyers".. (No longer in her profile, but a journal entry still references said contract.) Well, this isn't about her contract even though I think she's a piece of shit liar, it's about what is in her most recent journal entry.. (As an aside, there's a 48 female dominant in Florida who posted a journal entry about contracts and said it far better than I ever could.)
In it she wants to know why someone who is overweight is atuomatically assumed to be unhealthy, AND she's asked for an answer that makes sense to her.
She goes on to say that even though she is 5'9 and 200 lbs and considered overweight she is not unhealthy because she has a very low resting heartrate and and very quick recovery time from exercise. Yeah, she further states she unloads semis of hay easily and we the readers would do well to understand that muscle weighs more than fat.
Now, she's right on the money about that.. Muscle is indeed denser than fat. But to see this person's picures it throws a bit of doubt into what she claims about herself. You see, someone who is your height and weight and is indeed muscled does not LOOK as if she weighs 200 lbs...There is a 48 year old sub in Florida who had posted in jourmals about becoming discouraged when trying to lose weight via the workout route.. She at this time of that writing was 5'6" and said she weighed about 170. Her discouragement stemmed from the fact she was working hard but could not see the results on the scale. That person looks like they weighed significantly less and was toned. Why? Because muscle weighs more than fat!
YOU on the otherhand LOOK like you weigh 200 lbs. or more, and out of shape. Now, I am not trying to make fun of this bitch because she's overweight..I'm making fun of her lame posting trying to justify herself. Eh, why not just use the "i'm comfortable in my skin" line and tell those who don't like it to get to steppin'? If someone isn't interested in you because you are overweight, fuck them.
This has nothing to do with BDSM or CM but I find it funny.. (In a really weird, kinda sad sort of way)... I woke up this morning and after stumbling to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee I turned on the television while waiting for my coffee to be ready..
There was a news report about a sport that is now being played in many colleges... It's called Quidditch.. Apparently it's a little like soccer except the players are all riding brooms and knocking the ball through rings..
Time out..QUIDDITCH!?!?
Now I like Harry Potter as much as the next person.. Yes, i've read all the books. (err, several times.. I'm SO hot for Severus Snape!) and have seen all the movies.. But we've sent our kids to college to play fucking Quidditch? Are you fucking kidding me?
Nope.. as my head cleared a little I watched these college students dressed in maroon robes and they were riding brooms.. Well, in the same way one would ride those stick horses... tossing a ball around and throwing it at the rings.. This is an organized sport as well.. Umm, so what exactly is wrong with Lacrosse, or Field Hockey.. or even Soccer? But Quidditch?
I tell you what, if I had a kid who was in college and was in fact playing Quidditch, that kid better have a 4.0 average or they'd not be able to sit on their broom after I was done showing them about the position in Quidditch called "Beater."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UfPij5ABdo&feature=fvwk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YmJob5rbNM&NR=1 <--- Harvard Quidditch..
Now how do you follow that? Ahh.. by going back to the profiles of course... I'm gonna spotlight two fake lesbians on this one.. Different people but with a common theme..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc1am3KyYgA <--- Fake Lesbian Theme song
MistressKelly10 and Mistress4Online are our two spotlighted fake lesbians for this post.. They both are of course looking for online slaves.. webcam slaves.. uh huh... and they both add the caveat that you will not be seeing them on the camera or hearing their voice..
MistressKelly10 says, "Take it or leave it."
What I want to know about these two fake lesbians is this.. Umm, have either of you ever actually gotten someone to fall for that shit? If so, you owe it to the rest of the fake lesbian community to reveal the names of these gullible subs so that the other fake lesbian dominants can have a chance to have a go at them.. I mean it's only fair, right?
I somehow get the funny feeling the fake lesbian community has a decided lack of real women to play with. Well Duh!
Another funny thing I've seen in some profiles is when the person gets all pissed off when people they are not interested in VIEW their profile. Now come on, you can't seriously think you can control who views your fucking profile do you? I swear you'd think your privacy has been violated or something..
Right then, one more before I go.. This one i've meant to get on here but haven't found the room.. Ah, i'm getting to the point where the lulz are not quite so easy to find as they once were. No doubt because when I first created my UltimateDomme profile I had a laundry list of shit to post....
Also, I was all set to rip some kid on CM a new asshole on here and had put his profile on my favorites list so I could find it when I was ready.. WELLLLLLLL, he messaged me, curious to know why I was on his list of admirers. I told him straight up, I wanted to be able to find his profile for use on my blog.
.
The fucker changed his profile and took out the lulz..LOL..
Anyway, here's my salute to the fake lesbian who is a 30 lesbian dominant in California. This one has been around nearly three years and in Jan of 09 he posted a journal entry that basically cried about being tired of being called fake.. *smirk*... She also implores you the viewer of his profile not to listen to rumors.. yep yep..
But you gotta admire the lack of quit in this guy.. He's still around plying his "looking for a online slave" trade.
In his profile after the usual line of shit about what they want.. there's this...
"Oh, and for those of you who have heard rumors that I am a fake around here, that is totally false. Only uneducated, undisciplined, ignorant fools would say or believe those things."
Ummm, this dude has a picture that's both old and so obviously fake it's amazingly funny this guy can actually post the above. I can't help but wonder about the thought patterns going on here.
Ah, since i'm running out of easy material the postings aren't likely to come as quickly as they did, but i'll still be out there collecting the lulz..
Until then..
Take those above words and see if you can explain to me how you fit any of them when you are either in a "vanilla" relationship or married and need to be discreet.
"But, my wife doesn't understand me!" So how in the fuck did you manage to make those vows with someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, who doesn't understand you? I mean that IS what you were saying when you got married, yes? I swear I see so many profiles from people who say, "I've known all my life this is who I am." Yet they maintain they are married to someone who doesn't understand them.
Well ya doofus, if you've known all your life why the fuck didn't you find someone suitable for that interest BEFORE you married Mr or Mrs Vanilla? I mean come on, if this is SUCH a big part of you or the tried and true "It's just who I am", why didn't you find someone suitable back then? Fuck you and your need to be discreet, ya cheating fuckers.
Let us travel to the realm of the profiles.... to find the lulz of course. This one.. well this one is a real tear jerker.. Get your tissues ready for this.....
Mmmkay.. ready?
Right then.. This is a 30 Dominant from Indiana and this cat posted a profile as bad if not worse than all those "he pissed on my gift" profiles.. This is world class drama queen stuff, folks.. great reading..
Strike up the violins playing the soft, dark ballad as we hear the tale of the military man who out of the goodness of his heart took a 19 year girl off of the streets.. Took her out of the rags she was wearing and dressed her nicely.. fed her well.. put a roof over her head.. AND... Here's the capper.. bought her a mini laptop for use in the class he encouraged her to take.. HE GAVE HER A LIFE!!!!
But!!!.. But while he was away in another state taking a military class she turned on him!!! (cue the dramatic heart thumping music to fully convey the drama).... She and her 30 year old friend who was supposed to keeping an eye on her used his apartment to run a prostitution ring....
Ohhhh noeeeeeeeeeeessssssss!!
While he was out taking a military class and may very well have to go to Iraq she was giving herself to 10. count em TEN men!
Ohhhhhhh the humanity!
Right, if you find this pussy's profile... Well, suffice it to say it's more dramatic than what I just wrote... This dude wrote a fucking poem about her and put it on his profile.. A fucking poem!?!
Dude, really we feel your pain.. Now dry the tears and sack the fuck up.. Fucking whiny ass. Don't make me call out Sgt. Hartman on your ass.
Of course he could also be taking some errr artistic liberties with the truth on this and it didn't go down QUITE as he tells it. My guess is he hooked up with someone out of his league and she better dealed his pussy ass.
Here's another of those profiles where the writer just comes up with some out of this world shit and presents it as the truth..
This is a 41 dominant in Alabama who is the self proclaimed "arch bishop" of the house of Pain and Glory.
This cat isn't your run of the mill Master who invented himself online.. Oh no no no folks.. This guy is a fucking 3rd degree master in the lifestyle of BDSM who has also adopted some truth in the lifestyle of Gorean.
Umm, 3rd degree master? UH, I can't begin to imagine what under the realm of the great prophet Zarquon <--- Hitchhiker's guide reference.. Are the steps it takes to become a fucking 3rd degree master in the lifestyle of BDSM?
"Ahh backflogger, one must first learn to flog this rice paper without breaking it before you can aspire to the lofty heights of the 3rd degree."
The really funny part of this one's profile is at the bottom of it where he speaks of private sessions and he expects to be paid for them.. Yep, you read that right.. after the first session the quoted price must be paid in full.
I mean for realz, are you kidding me?
I'm going to do something totally out of character for me, and point you at a profile of someone for the purpose of reading something from someone who has a great sense of humor..
His name is Ponyboy75 and his journal entries are pure gold.. Check them out and drop him a line, give him his props for the journals.
I've purposely stayed away from making fun of the way someone looks because that's not how I roll... No fun in that, really.. But this is from a 35 female dominant in Wisconsin. Some of you may already know this person as this is the very same person who says she has a contract that has been "reviewed by lawyers".. (No longer in her profile, but a journal entry still references said contract.) Well, this isn't about her contract even though I think she's a piece of shit liar, it's about what is in her most recent journal entry.. (As an aside, there's a 48 female dominant in Florida who posted a journal entry about contracts and said it far better than I ever could.)
In it she wants to know why someone who is overweight is atuomatically assumed to be unhealthy, AND she's asked for an answer that makes sense to her.
She goes on to say that even though she is 5'9 and 200 lbs and considered overweight she is not unhealthy because she has a very low resting heartrate and and very quick recovery time from exercise. Yeah, she further states she unloads semis of hay easily and we the readers would do well to understand that muscle weighs more than fat.
Now, she's right on the money about that.. Muscle is indeed denser than fat. But to see this person's picures it throws a bit of doubt into what she claims about herself. You see, someone who is your height and weight and is indeed muscled does not LOOK as if she weighs 200 lbs...There is a 48 year old sub in Florida who had posted in jourmals about becoming discouraged when trying to lose weight via the workout route.. She at this time of that writing was 5'6" and said she weighed about 170. Her discouragement stemmed from the fact she was working hard but could not see the results on the scale. That person looks like they weighed significantly less and was toned. Why? Because muscle weighs more than fat!
YOU on the otherhand LOOK like you weigh 200 lbs. or more, and out of shape. Now, I am not trying to make fun of this bitch because she's overweight..I'm making fun of her lame posting trying to justify herself. Eh, why not just use the "i'm comfortable in my skin" line and tell those who don't like it to get to steppin'? If someone isn't interested in you because you are overweight, fuck them.
This has nothing to do with BDSM or CM but I find it funny.. (In a really weird, kinda sad sort of way)... I woke up this morning and after stumbling to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee I turned on the television while waiting for my coffee to be ready..
There was a news report about a sport that is now being played in many colleges... It's called Quidditch.. Apparently it's a little like soccer except the players are all riding brooms and knocking the ball through rings..
Time out..QUIDDITCH!?!?
Now I like Harry Potter as much as the next person.. Yes, i've read all the books. (err, several times.. I'm SO hot for Severus Snape!) and have seen all the movies.. But we've sent our kids to college to play fucking Quidditch? Are you fucking kidding me?
Nope.. as my head cleared a little I watched these college students dressed in maroon robes and they were riding brooms.. Well, in the same way one would ride those stick horses... tossing a ball around and throwing it at the rings.. This is an organized sport as well.. Umm, so what exactly is wrong with Lacrosse, or Field Hockey.. or even Soccer? But Quidditch?
I tell you what, if I had a kid who was in college and was in fact playing Quidditch, that kid better have a 4.0 average or they'd not be able to sit on their broom after I was done showing them about the position in Quidditch called "Beater."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UfPij5ABdo&feature=fvwk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YmJob5rbNM&NR=1 <--- Harvard Quidditch..
Now how do you follow that? Ahh.. by going back to the profiles of course... I'm gonna spotlight two fake lesbians on this one.. Different people but with a common theme..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc1am3KyYgA <--- Fake Lesbian Theme song
MistressKelly10 and Mistress4Online are our two spotlighted fake lesbians for this post.. They both are of course looking for online slaves.. webcam slaves.. uh huh... and they both add the caveat that you will not be seeing them on the camera or hearing their voice..
MistressKelly10 says, "Take it or leave it."
What I want to know about these two fake lesbians is this.. Umm, have either of you ever actually gotten someone to fall for that shit? If so, you owe it to the rest of the fake lesbian community to reveal the names of these gullible subs so that the other fake lesbian dominants can have a chance to have a go at them.. I mean it's only fair, right?
I somehow get the funny feeling the fake lesbian community has a decided lack of real women to play with. Well Duh!
Another funny thing I've seen in some profiles is when the person gets all pissed off when people they are not interested in VIEW their profile. Now come on, you can't seriously think you can control who views your fucking profile do you? I swear you'd think your privacy has been violated or something..
Right then, one more before I go.. This one i've meant to get on here but haven't found the room.. Ah, i'm getting to the point where the lulz are not quite so easy to find as they once were. No doubt because when I first created my UltimateDomme profile I had a laundry list of shit to post....
Also, I was all set to rip some kid on CM a new asshole on here and had put his profile on my favorites list so I could find it when I was ready.. WELLLLLLLL, he messaged me, curious to know why I was on his list of admirers. I told him straight up, I wanted to be able to find his profile for use on my blog.
.
The fucker changed his profile and took out the lulz..LOL..
Anyway, here's my salute to the fake lesbian who is a 30 lesbian dominant in California. This one has been around nearly three years and in Jan of 09 he posted a journal entry that basically cried about being tired of being called fake.. *smirk*... She also implores you the viewer of his profile not to listen to rumors.. yep yep..
But you gotta admire the lack of quit in this guy.. He's still around plying his "looking for a online slave" trade.
In his profile after the usual line of shit about what they want.. there's this...
"Oh, and for those of you who have heard rumors that I am a fake around here, that is totally false. Only uneducated, undisciplined, ignorant fools would say or believe those things."
Ummm, this dude has a picture that's both old and so obviously fake it's amazingly funny this guy can actually post the above. I can't help but wonder about the thought patterns going on here.
Ah, since i'm running out of easy material the postings aren't likely to come as quickly as they did, but i'll still be out there collecting the lulz..
Until then..
Monday, November 8, 2010
Hey hey hey.. I've gotta let some folks know that the blog at collarmebusts is NOT my blog nor am I associated with that blog other than having linked to it. I've said on at least two occasions I don't think most of us need to have someone running photos through Tineye to know that centerfold quality lesbian ain't real... But I think that blog is funny.
SPEAKING of fake lesbians, i've noticed quite a few of them have posted "proof pictures" on their profiles to assure you the supplicant for their attentions they are indeed real.
Uh huh, the only problem with these proof pictures is they take the photo in such a way that you cannot tell who the picture is of. One rocket scientist took a picture of a sign that says the name and collarme.. etc.. Umm, but the photo is ONLY of the sign, and a quite large hand holding it up. If you look at the hand holding the sign, you will notice the hand has fingernails that are very, very closely cropped..Er, and there is a bit of hair on the knuckles..
Come ON man!
Another one shows several pictures of a woman posing in a kitchen, sitting on the counter and what have you.. The "proof" picture is simply a sign on the floor of the same kitchen.. the woman is not in the photo. Great, so this fake lesbian hired some woman to take photos and must have forgotton to have the woman hold the friggen sign... Jackass.
This is a lot of trouble to go through to fool others.... To collect pictures? I don't get that because there are literally hundreds of thousands of pictures available for free on the internet. Or maybe those pictures are trophies of a sort, who the fuck knows?
Seriously, i'd love it if a fake lesbian would message me on collarme and explain exactly why you do it. I promise I will not reveal your name here... No really, I won't.
Then there's a 35 lesbian dominant in Cyrpus and a 39 lesbian submissive in Bosnia.. the same person... And the submissive has a proof picture that appears to be on the level... Hmmmmmm..
A couple of updates...
One submissive female messaged me after my last entry and said she'd love to put the "You must send me a gift card to prove your worthiness" in her profile.. My response was "go for it and send me the funny messages you get." Her name is sojewtastic and her profile is a good one.
Well, she did it. It's right at the top of her profile and so far the sort of responses she's gotten are right about what I expected.
"DeathVenom04 Dated: 11/4/10 2:37 AM Send gifts or tributes to a sub? You must be delusional. Good luck with that."
Yeah, now go look at this guy's profile and get your lulz.. Betcha can't guess what this guy is showing in his photos.
After my last blog entry I got a message from a submissive woman who told me the shitbag called SlaveTransportCo had contacted her. I was curious to know what sort of line of shit he uses when he contacts women and here's what she said..
"told me to meet up with him, stay with him for awhile and then he would know which master would be good for me. Then he would contact him and bring me to him. He says he has requests from masters all over the country."
Soooooooo.. that's his game eh? He talks some submissive into staying with him for awhile and he apparently evaluates them to know which Master she would be most right for.. What a great guy.. And he gets requests from Masters all over the country has he? Here's another little tidbit.. The above submissive was also on a bit of a down, and vulnerable.
That makes SlaveTransportCo a first class predator in my book. Yet another reason it's a bad idea to put in your profile or journals that your heart is broken or something of that sort. You never know how many assholes like this guy is out there waiting to pounce.
Ah, I would LOVE to hear from any Master who has successfully contracted this slimeball to deliver a slave to him.
After adding one particular dominant to my favorites list, I got a message from him and he noted my blog and hoped he'd not be a subject of my ridicule. Remember when I posted that bit about adding someone to my favorites list and what it meant? Well, this guy got it.
Now, would I ridicule someone on my blog? LOL, well maybe a little.. ANYWAYYYYYYYY.. there are some lulz in this cat's profile i've got to pass along, and also I have a little issue with something he posted.. (Well, not just him.. but the general attitude.. wait, i'll get to it.)
In his very long profile he has like 10 bullet points.. Some make sense, and one is unintentionally funny as hell.
He says that if you've been on collarme for a year or longer and are still searching, you need to stay away from him.
Right, I suspect he believes if you've been there over a year and are still single there MUST be something wrong with you. Cool, that's his opinion and I respect it.. I respect it SO much that I feel almost duty bound to point out that he has been on collarme well over a year, since Jan. 2009.
Umm, Oops?
He also has a complaint about certain submissives who feel that dominants must prove their worthiness. Yeah right, here's another overinflated ego who believes because he is a DOM he does not need to show he is worthy of someone's submission.
Well, that's the typical neanderthal attitude of someone looking for a doormat. More power to him I suppose but... Let me buy you a vowel... nah fuck it.. Stay in your cave, Grog.
Here's one from a 55 year old dominant in Virginia. This dude says he's REAL old school.....He was taught by his grandmother.
Let's allow that to sink in for a moment... sniff the bouquet... swirl it around.. Right then.
In what sort of warped reality does one learn D/s-BDSM from your grandmother? No really, can ANYONE imagine a scenario where one actually learns about D/s or BDSM from their GRANDMOTHER?
"Gee golly Granny.. can you show me how to do figure eights with a flogger?"
"Okay. but don't tell your mom," says Granny as she takes out the flogger to demo it for him.
Give me a fucking break.
Ah okay onward.. onward.. This is for all of you who have in your profiles complaints about people on CM who aren't actually looking for anything. Why the fuck do you care if someone else is on CollarMe and is not looking for anything? Does that make it harder for you to find the ONE when you see a profile and they state they are not looking? Just move on the next profile... sheeeeeeeesh!
Okay.. Now it's time to rip into the people who say they REQUIRE "tribute" but go on to say they are not professionals.
.
Reality check time, bitches.. The moment you accept payment (Yeah, call it tribute to make you seem less like a prostitute.) for your "services" you are a professional. I don't care if said "tribute" is a gift card or something from your wish list, you're being paid to dominate, and that makes you a professional.. End of line.
And again, you professional dommes using CM to advertise for free need to also get over yourselves and stop the whining about getting messages from people who don't wanna pay. Put up a fucking website and pay for your damned advertising.
Here's one that makes you go, "Ummm..."
This is from a 31 female slave in Ontario, Canada.. She joined at the end of october like just over a week ago as of this writing... Here's the journal entry..
"Hates having a list of 'admirers" i never talked to, if You cant say a simple hello or something nice, this will result in you being blocked.... thank You"
Ummmm... Now if these people haven't sent you any messages what the fuck do you think it's going to accomplish to block them from doing what they aren't doing in the first place? You know I get the childish need to threaten people who are doing things you don't like, but for fuck's sake at least THINK about what you post..
Oh dear me... Just when i'm about to write something else here I took a little break from writing and checked out CM.. I had someone view my profile and then send me a friend request.. I had to have a look.. and this profile is a chock full of laughs..
This is a 35 lesbian dominant from PA.. Get ready for some major belly laughs..
"So you understand, I can be as cruel as I want, because all of My life, people have done exactly what I tell them to do. EVERYBODY. I am a truly superior woman in every way. You will fall in love with me instantly (if you haven't already just from reading My profile)"
Oh my my my... I'm already soaking wet.
She goes on to list the three types of people she would allow to message her.. Slaves, dommes who want to be her slave, and dommes who want to share their slaves.. And includes specific instructions on what to do when messaging her.. Ready?
"If you fit into one of those categories, and ONLY if you fit into one of those categories you may write to Me. Unless you are a #3 you will do the following before writing to Me.... You must strip completely naked, kneel in front of the computer, and plug your ass. If you don't have a butt plug, use a dildo. If you don't have a dildo, use a hair brush handle, or a broom handle. You will not write to Me unless your ass is full. This is important - in your message you will tell Me what you put in your ass. That way I know you read everything and you can obey. You will also include photos. They don't have to be nude (though preferred), but I want to clearly see your face, and your body."
#3 on her list is other dommes who may want to get together with her for the purpose of sharing your slaves with each other.. Yeah..
Ah.. She goes on to give a warning to any Domme who is thinking they are going to break her as what happens to many other fake lesbians...
"I don't care how good of a Domme you think you are, I will never kneel for you. I don't kneel for anybody, ever. You are talking to a woman who makes Her parents kneel for Her when She sees them, so give it up... I won't break."
Now, after I picked myself up from the floor having fallen off my chair laughing so hard, I did her the honor of sending her a message to inform her just how hilarious I thought her profile was, and thanked her..
Errrr, apparently she was serious in her profile.. ooopsie.. She sent me back a message wanting to know what was so funny about it.. Of course the bitch answered her..
"That whole "gotta plug your ass to message me" bit was pretty funny..
But I tell you, that "I even make my parents kneels for me" is pure comedy gold..
Really, thank you for bringing your profile to my attention. I can't wait to share it with my readers.."
Hey she can't say I didn't tell her beforehand, right? Ah, I waited a few minutes for a reply from her.
Interestingly enough... she didn't send back another reply.. Doesn't that beat all ya ever heard? Come to find out, if she sends a friend request if means she thinks you're attractive enough to consider..
Ah, and here I thought she was just wanting to show my how funny her profile was.. Ah well, my bad.
That's it for now.. See ya soon.
SPEAKING of fake lesbians, i've noticed quite a few of them have posted "proof pictures" on their profiles to assure you the supplicant for their attentions they are indeed real.
Uh huh, the only problem with these proof pictures is they take the photo in such a way that you cannot tell who the picture is of. One rocket scientist took a picture of a sign that says the name and collarme.. etc.. Umm, but the photo is ONLY of the sign, and a quite large hand holding it up. If you look at the hand holding the sign, you will notice the hand has fingernails that are very, very closely cropped..Er, and there is a bit of hair on the knuckles..
Come ON man!
Another one shows several pictures of a woman posing in a kitchen, sitting on the counter and what have you.. The "proof" picture is simply a sign on the floor of the same kitchen.. the woman is not in the photo. Great, so this fake lesbian hired some woman to take photos and must have forgotton to have the woman hold the friggen sign... Jackass.
This is a lot of trouble to go through to fool others.... To collect pictures? I don't get that because there are literally hundreds of thousands of pictures available for free on the internet. Or maybe those pictures are trophies of a sort, who the fuck knows?
Seriously, i'd love it if a fake lesbian would message me on collarme and explain exactly why you do it. I promise I will not reveal your name here... No really, I won't.
Then there's a 35 lesbian dominant in Cyrpus and a 39 lesbian submissive in Bosnia.. the same person... And the submissive has a proof picture that appears to be on the level... Hmmmmmm..
A couple of updates...
One submissive female messaged me after my last entry and said she'd love to put the "You must send me a gift card to prove your worthiness" in her profile.. My response was "go for it and send me the funny messages you get." Her name is sojewtastic and her profile is a good one.
Well, she did it. It's right at the top of her profile and so far the sort of responses she's gotten are right about what I expected.
"DeathVenom04 Dated: 11/4/10 2:37 AM Send gifts or tributes to a sub? You must be delusional. Good luck with that."
Yeah, now go look at this guy's profile and get your lulz.. Betcha can't guess what this guy is showing in his photos.
After my last blog entry I got a message from a submissive woman who told me the shitbag called SlaveTransportCo had contacted her. I was curious to know what sort of line of shit he uses when he contacts women and here's what she said..
"told me to meet up with him, stay with him for awhile and then he would know which master would be good for me. Then he would contact him and bring me to him. He says he has requests from masters all over the country."
Soooooooo.. that's his game eh? He talks some submissive into staying with him for awhile and he apparently evaluates them to know which Master she would be most right for.. What a great guy.. And he gets requests from Masters all over the country has he? Here's another little tidbit.. The above submissive was also on a bit of a down, and vulnerable.
That makes SlaveTransportCo a first class predator in my book. Yet another reason it's a bad idea to put in your profile or journals that your heart is broken or something of that sort. You never know how many assholes like this guy is out there waiting to pounce.
Ah, I would LOVE to hear from any Master who has successfully contracted this slimeball to deliver a slave to him.
After adding one particular dominant to my favorites list, I got a message from him and he noted my blog and hoped he'd not be a subject of my ridicule. Remember when I posted that bit about adding someone to my favorites list and what it meant? Well, this guy got it.
Now, would I ridicule someone on my blog? LOL, well maybe a little.. ANYWAYYYYYYYY.. there are some lulz in this cat's profile i've got to pass along, and also I have a little issue with something he posted.. (Well, not just him.. but the general attitude.. wait, i'll get to it.)
In his very long profile he has like 10 bullet points.. Some make sense, and one is unintentionally funny as hell.
He says that if you've been on collarme for a year or longer and are still searching, you need to stay away from him.
Right, I suspect he believes if you've been there over a year and are still single there MUST be something wrong with you. Cool, that's his opinion and I respect it.. I respect it SO much that I feel almost duty bound to point out that he has been on collarme well over a year, since Jan. 2009.
Umm, Oops?
He also has a complaint about certain submissives who feel that dominants must prove their worthiness. Yeah right, here's another overinflated ego who believes because he is a DOM he does not need to show he is worthy of someone's submission.
Well, that's the typical neanderthal attitude of someone looking for a doormat. More power to him I suppose but... Let me buy you a vowel... nah fuck it.. Stay in your cave, Grog.
Here's one from a 55 year old dominant in Virginia. This dude says he's REAL old school.....He was taught by his grandmother.
Let's allow that to sink in for a moment... sniff the bouquet... swirl it around.. Right then.
In what sort of warped reality does one learn D/s-BDSM from your grandmother? No really, can ANYONE imagine a scenario where one actually learns about D/s or BDSM from their GRANDMOTHER?
"Gee golly Granny.. can you show me how to do figure eights with a flogger?"
"Okay. but don't tell your mom," says Granny as she takes out the flogger to demo it for him.
Give me a fucking break.
Ah okay onward.. onward.. This is for all of you who have in your profiles complaints about people on CM who aren't actually looking for anything. Why the fuck do you care if someone else is on CollarMe and is not looking for anything? Does that make it harder for you to find the ONE when you see a profile and they state they are not looking? Just move on the next profile... sheeeeeeeesh!
Okay.. Now it's time to rip into the people who say they REQUIRE "tribute" but go on to say they are not professionals.
.
Reality check time, bitches.. The moment you accept payment (Yeah, call it tribute to make you seem less like a prostitute.) for your "services" you are a professional. I don't care if said "tribute" is a gift card or something from your wish list, you're being paid to dominate, and that makes you a professional.. End of line.
And again, you professional dommes using CM to advertise for free need to also get over yourselves and stop the whining about getting messages from people who don't wanna pay. Put up a fucking website and pay for your damned advertising.
Here's one that makes you go, "Ummm..."
This is from a 31 female slave in Ontario, Canada.. She joined at the end of october like just over a week ago as of this writing... Here's the journal entry..
"Hates having a list of 'admirers" i never talked to, if You cant say a simple hello or something nice, this will result in you being blocked.... thank You"
Ummmm... Now if these people haven't sent you any messages what the fuck do you think it's going to accomplish to block them from doing what they aren't doing in the first place? You know I get the childish need to threaten people who are doing things you don't like, but for fuck's sake at least THINK about what you post..
Oh dear me... Just when i'm about to write something else here I took a little break from writing and checked out CM.. I had someone view my profile and then send me a friend request.. I had to have a look.. and this profile is a chock full of laughs..
This is a 35 lesbian dominant from PA.. Get ready for some major belly laughs..
"So you understand, I can be as cruel as I want, because all of My life, people have done exactly what I tell them to do. EVERYBODY. I am a truly superior woman in every way. You will fall in love with me instantly (if you haven't already just from reading My profile)"
Oh my my my... I'm already soaking wet.
She goes on to list the three types of people she would allow to message her.. Slaves, dommes who want to be her slave, and dommes who want to share their slaves.. And includes specific instructions on what to do when messaging her.. Ready?
"If you fit into one of those categories, and ONLY if you fit into one of those categories you may write to Me. Unless you are a #3 you will do the following before writing to Me.... You must strip completely naked, kneel in front of the computer, and plug your ass. If you don't have a butt plug, use a dildo. If you don't have a dildo, use a hair brush handle, or a broom handle. You will not write to Me unless your ass is full. This is important - in your message you will tell Me what you put in your ass. That way I know you read everything and you can obey. You will also include photos. They don't have to be nude (though preferred), but I want to clearly see your face, and your body."
#3 on her list is other dommes who may want to get together with her for the purpose of sharing your slaves with each other.. Yeah..
Ah.. She goes on to give a warning to any Domme who is thinking they are going to break her as what happens to many other fake lesbians...
"I don't care how good of a Domme you think you are, I will never kneel for you. I don't kneel for anybody, ever. You are talking to a woman who makes Her parents kneel for Her when She sees them, so give it up... I won't break."
Now, after I picked myself up from the floor having fallen off my chair laughing so hard, I did her the honor of sending her a message to inform her just how hilarious I thought her profile was, and thanked her..
Errrr, apparently she was serious in her profile.. ooopsie.. She sent me back a message wanting to know what was so funny about it.. Of course the bitch answered her..
"That whole "gotta plug your ass to message me" bit was pretty funny..
But I tell you, that "I even make my parents kneels for me" is pure comedy gold..
Really, thank you for bringing your profile to my attention. I can't wait to share it with my readers.."
Hey she can't say I didn't tell her beforehand, right? Ah, I waited a few minutes for a reply from her.
Interestingly enough... she didn't send back another reply.. Doesn't that beat all ya ever heard? Come to find out, if she sends a friend request if means she thinks you're attractive enough to consider..
Ah, and here I thought she was just wanting to show my how funny her profile was.. Ah well, my bad.
That's it for now.. See ya soon.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Hey I made a startling discovery this morning. I was browsing profiles as usual looking for the lulz when it occured to me i'd not seen any profiles from people who are either in Ghana or Nigeria. It makes me wonder if we're seeing (or NOT seeing in this case) another change in the way things are done at CollarMe.. Hmmm.. I mean the chance that all those Ghana slaves have found homes is.. well, the odds have to be pretty up there.
I wonder if we can also chalk that up to the services of the one on CM who is currently using the name SlaveTransportCo? You've seen this guy, he says he runs some sort of service where he matches up slaves who are seeking with owners who are also seeking. Of course he does this for a fee, yes? Of course he does lol.
Now I can't say for sure if this is on the level,(This is my new diplomatic attitude, of course this clown is full of shit but I feel the need to be diplomatic.. shhh, don't tell.) but I found at least one thing in this person's profile that is a bit off kilter. He tends to put the places he happens to be at a given time in his journals. As an example, on 10-27-10 at 11:25 am he is in Houston, Tx and at 3:42 the same day he has arrived in Hope, Ar.
Cool, he managed to take a 6 hour drive and do it in 4 hours.. Not only is he performing this valuable service for those searching, he's a fast little bugger as well, hehe. Well I guess if you're a travel expert like this cat is, you can find ways to make the trip through towns such as Lufkin, Tx. much quicker than us mere mortals. If you read through this guy's journals I promise you'll either be in stitches laughing, or wondering how this is possible.
He provides pictures as well. His covered Ford F-250 with some sort of box in the cargo area.. (Well, the slaves being transported need some place to sit, right?) Great stuff this profile, good for a few laughs at the very least.
Nah, I think CM scores another thumbs up on this one.
Here's something for those of you who have changed your name for whatever reason. (well, to get rid of stalkers is a common reason.) You know I get that, and I certainly would never make light of cyberstalking..
But um, exactly how much good does it do to change your name and then on the profile of your new name explain that you did and who you used to be? Doesn't it occur to you that changing your identity rather loses its effectiveness when you tell everyone what you did? I mean come on, if you're trying to hide from someone you're not exactly making it difficult to find you again, now are you?
Now we've all seen the profiles of those dommes who require a tribute for their attention. Oh hell, i've made no secret of the fact I think those cunts are the scum of the earth. But I just wonder.. *giggle* I just wonder what would happen if one or more submissive women were to add that, "If you want my attention you must prove your worthiness by sending me a gift card." to their profiles?
Heheheh, can you just imagine the cry of rage that would come from the dominants (especially those "I don't care what you want" sorts) if this were to happen? Oh come on, that would be some funny shit. In fact, is there a female submissive reading this that would be willing to do it and then forward to me some of the responses you get?
Oh my, i've met my male counterpart.. A genuine Grand Master of the European traditions who was trained by a granddaughter of Masoch. Oh well, this cat is serious though... Hey, have any of you ever read Venus in Furs?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIyvdbsJhI <-- Velvet Underground - Venus in Furs
A bit of trivia here... The daughter of the Grand Niece of Leopold Masoch is Marianne Faithfull. Right then...
"Hi there! I read your profile and got confused...
UltimateDomme... Switch... slave... Grand Mistress... Do you really understand what you are talking about after those three weeks of intensive training 'under a European and an Asian Master'? It sounds like that Master or Masters of yours are just self-proclaimed dominants with no elementary education in BDSM traditions and culture.
I am a lifelong Master, professionally trained in an European tradition of BDSM (my Mistress was a grand daughter of Mr. Masoch - I hope that you know this name), and it took me years and years to earn Master status, then Grand Master status, and then MasterTrainer status... For more info, please, read my entire profile and journal entries...
If you are serious about BDSM traditions and culture and want to become a certified Mostress, I will be glad to educate and coach you as a founder of Alt & BDSM College (see AltCollege on this site and go to (link edited out.).
Anyway, I will be glad to talk to you...
Looking forward."
Well fuck, and all this time I thought being a line cook at IHOP was just a sideline for that Asian master.Wait until I see that lying sonofabitch again! If you check out the screen name he mentions i'm pretty sure you'll get a hearty laugh.
Well, this guy believes people like me (self-proclaimed doms and dommes) have destroyed the traditions of BDSM. Check it... If someone sees within you or I something that makes them want to serve us.. THAT is what makes us Masters and Mistresses., not going through all sorts of shit to become a "certified mistress" in the European traditions.
Oh, the techniques can and I feel SHOULD be learned, (demos are wonderful) but you cannot teach the instincts. Of course if the whole old guard bit is your thing, more power to you. Just don't be surprised when you try to push it on others and you get laughed at.
I honestly believe this guy read my profile and missed the fact the entire first paragraph was making fun of that whole bit.
"Well, I know that my opinion doesn't matter to you. What matters people like you ignoring BDSM traditions and rules, destroing BDSM culture... This is very sad..."
My reply to him on CM is the same as it is here.. "Get over yourself!"
But BDSM traditions and rules? Destroying BDSM culture? Oh come on man!
On to the profiles we go.. hi ho hi ho.. na na na na..
Er, this comes from the journal of a 40 female dominant in Mass.
"Talking with a male sub who tells me he wont put up with my smoking....mind you this is after he agrees to lick his own cum from a dog dish."
Now doesn't this one just take the biscuit? Here we have some uppity subbie who refuses to be around someone who smokes but will lick up his own cum from a dog dish.
Hey i'm going to let you in on a little secret here. You smokers may not know this, but those of us who do not smoke can smell it on you. SOME of us even become physically ill when smelling the smoke all over you
.
SOME of us even understand that second hand smoke is just as bad if not worse than when you smoke in the first place.
So this sub is willing to do humiliating things but refuses to put up with something he very likely sees as detrimental to his health, and you don't get that? Well bitch, you don't deserve to call yourself Domme with that sort of disregard for someone who would submit to you.
Now go stand in the corner and think about it.
And let's see.. a 19 year old dominant in Florida. This one, I dunno, just makes me want to do more to that domme above than put her in the corner. Well, let's get to it.. first from his profile.
"I am faithful to an absolute and hope to find a life partner on here. I do want to marry and have children so let me know if that's a problem. I might be interested in a temporary relationship. I may be young, but I am mature and virile. I have several years experience as a Master/Dominant, experienced in several things. I am also a quick learner, eager to try new techniques and have new experiences."
Now we've covered this one before. Beating up on your little brother doesn't qualify as experience as a dominant/master. Nor does being 14 or 15 and playing dom on the internet. Yes, I concede that with the internet it is possible and likely for those who are not of adult age to find and be exposed to D/s online, it does not qualify as actual experience.
Now, let's have a look at one of his journal entries.
"Misogyny. Quite an interesting word. Quite an interesting feeling. I think it's part of why I'm so angry, because I don't have some slave or sub to release my aggression and sexual tension on. I want to make a female feel pain and torment before I use her to get off."
Right, in his profile he states he is looking for a life partner, to marry and have kids. Yeah great, he follows this up with the above journal entry where he pretty much says he's a misogynist.. There's no doubt what this cat is looking for is a doormat, and anyone getting involved with this dude better know they ain't gonna be lounging about on the sofa all day watching soap operas and eating bon-bons.
This is from the journals of a 43 female submissive in California.
"As of 10/9/10 the man i have been staying with, seriously asked me to be with him, to stay with him... he doesn't want to collar me at the moment, but he does want full control over who and when i play. He is my protector, so playing with others is not out of the question. I am being well used by him, he keeps me on edge everyday. I feel very useful and wanted."
Yeah, but he doesn't want to collar you eh? Oh he might eventually but you can bet your bottom dollar this guy is looking to better deal your ass. I think it's a good bet in the next few months this one's profile is going to change and be one of those, "I was hurt so bad" sort of profiles.
Then again, if you allow yourself to get involved in that way.. Well nevermind..
Okay a quick disclaimer before I end this posting..
This blog is meant only to be a forum to post my sarcastic and hopefully funny views. I have been getting messages from a couple of people who wish me to use my blog for other reasons such as outing someone's ex boyfriend as being gay. (Yeah, I got a long letter last week requesting I do that, and even included information about that person that should not be given to a stranger on the internet.)
That sort of shit won't be happening on this blog.
Oh one more quickie before I go. Chuck is now back home at his parent's house and he told he that he has as of this writing claimed his mohawk grenades and is a warrior of some sort in WoW.
I know this is being posted on the 1st, here's a little tribute to the great Freddie Mercury, lost to us on Nov. 3, 1991.. One day after he confirmed the rumors he indeed had contracted the AIDS virus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irp8CNj9qBI&feature=related
I wonder if we can also chalk that up to the services of the one on CM who is currently using the name SlaveTransportCo? You've seen this guy, he says he runs some sort of service where he matches up slaves who are seeking with owners who are also seeking. Of course he does this for a fee, yes? Of course he does lol.
Now I can't say for sure if this is on the level,(This is my new diplomatic attitude, of course this clown is full of shit but I feel the need to be diplomatic.. shhh, don't tell.) but I found at least one thing in this person's profile that is a bit off kilter. He tends to put the places he happens to be at a given time in his journals. As an example, on 10-27-10 at 11:25 am he is in Houston, Tx and at 3:42 the same day he has arrived in Hope, Ar.
Cool, he managed to take a 6 hour drive and do it in 4 hours.. Not only is he performing this valuable service for those searching, he's a fast little bugger as well, hehe. Well I guess if you're a travel expert like this cat is, you can find ways to make the trip through towns such as Lufkin, Tx. much quicker than us mere mortals. If you read through this guy's journals I promise you'll either be in stitches laughing, or wondering how this is possible.
He provides pictures as well. His covered Ford F-250 with some sort of box in the cargo area.. (Well, the slaves being transported need some place to sit, right?) Great stuff this profile, good for a few laughs at the very least.
Nah, I think CM scores another thumbs up on this one.
Here's something for those of you who have changed your name for whatever reason. (well, to get rid of stalkers is a common reason.) You know I get that, and I certainly would never make light of cyberstalking..
But um, exactly how much good does it do to change your name and then on the profile of your new name explain that you did and who you used to be? Doesn't it occur to you that changing your identity rather loses its effectiveness when you tell everyone what you did? I mean come on, if you're trying to hide from someone you're not exactly making it difficult to find you again, now are you?
Now we've all seen the profiles of those dommes who require a tribute for their attention. Oh hell, i've made no secret of the fact I think those cunts are the scum of the earth. But I just wonder.. *giggle* I just wonder what would happen if one or more submissive women were to add that, "If you want my attention you must prove your worthiness by sending me a gift card." to their profiles?
Heheheh, can you just imagine the cry of rage that would come from the dominants (especially those "I don't care what you want" sorts) if this were to happen? Oh come on, that would be some funny shit. In fact, is there a female submissive reading this that would be willing to do it and then forward to me some of the responses you get?
Oh my, i've met my male counterpart.. A genuine Grand Master of the European traditions who was trained by a granddaughter of Masoch. Oh well, this cat is serious though... Hey, have any of you ever read Venus in Furs?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIyvdbsJhI <-- Velvet Underground - Venus in Furs
A bit of trivia here... The daughter of the Grand Niece of Leopold Masoch is Marianne Faithfull. Right then...
"Hi there! I read your profile and got confused...
UltimateDomme... Switch... slave... Grand Mistress... Do you really understand what you are talking about after those three weeks of intensive training 'under a European and an Asian Master'? It sounds like that Master or Masters of yours are just self-proclaimed dominants with no elementary education in BDSM traditions and culture.
I am a lifelong Master, professionally trained in an European tradition of BDSM (my Mistress was a grand daughter of Mr. Masoch - I hope that you know this name), and it took me years and years to earn Master status, then Grand Master status, and then MasterTrainer status... For more info, please, read my entire profile and journal entries...
If you are serious about BDSM traditions and culture and want to become a certified Mostress, I will be glad to educate and coach you as a founder of Alt & BDSM College (see AltCollege on this site and go to (link edited out.).
Anyway, I will be glad to talk to you...
Looking forward."
Well fuck, and all this time I thought being a line cook at IHOP was just a sideline for that Asian master.Wait until I see that lying sonofabitch again! If you check out the screen name he mentions i'm pretty sure you'll get a hearty laugh.
Well, this guy believes people like me (self-proclaimed doms and dommes) have destroyed the traditions of BDSM. Check it... If someone sees within you or I something that makes them want to serve us.. THAT is what makes us Masters and Mistresses., not going through all sorts of shit to become a "certified mistress" in the European traditions.
Oh, the techniques can and I feel SHOULD be learned, (demos are wonderful) but you cannot teach the instincts. Of course if the whole old guard bit is your thing, more power to you. Just don't be surprised when you try to push it on others and you get laughed at.
I honestly believe this guy read my profile and missed the fact the entire first paragraph was making fun of that whole bit.
"Well, I know that my opinion doesn't matter to you. What matters people like you ignoring BDSM traditions and rules, destroing BDSM culture... This is very sad..."
My reply to him on CM is the same as it is here.. "Get over yourself!"
But BDSM traditions and rules? Destroying BDSM culture? Oh come on man!
On to the profiles we go.. hi ho hi ho.. na na na na..
Er, this comes from the journal of a 40 female dominant in Mass.
"Talking with a male sub who tells me he wont put up with my smoking....mind you this is after he agrees to lick his own cum from a dog dish."
Now doesn't this one just take the biscuit? Here we have some uppity subbie who refuses to be around someone who smokes but will lick up his own cum from a dog dish.
Hey i'm going to let you in on a little secret here. You smokers may not know this, but those of us who do not smoke can smell it on you. SOME of us even become physically ill when smelling the smoke all over you
.
SOME of us even understand that second hand smoke is just as bad if not worse than when you smoke in the first place.
So this sub is willing to do humiliating things but refuses to put up with something he very likely sees as detrimental to his health, and you don't get that? Well bitch, you don't deserve to call yourself Domme with that sort of disregard for someone who would submit to you.
Now go stand in the corner and think about it.
And let's see.. a 19 year old dominant in Florida. This one, I dunno, just makes me want to do more to that domme above than put her in the corner. Well, let's get to it.. first from his profile.
"I am faithful to an absolute and hope to find a life partner on here. I do want to marry and have children so let me know if that's a problem. I might be interested in a temporary relationship. I may be young, but I am mature and virile. I have several years experience as a Master/Dominant, experienced in several things. I am also a quick learner, eager to try new techniques and have new experiences."
Now we've covered this one before. Beating up on your little brother doesn't qualify as experience as a dominant/master. Nor does being 14 or 15 and playing dom on the internet. Yes, I concede that with the internet it is possible and likely for those who are not of adult age to find and be exposed to D/s online, it does not qualify as actual experience.
Now, let's have a look at one of his journal entries.
"Misogyny. Quite an interesting word. Quite an interesting feeling. I think it's part of why I'm so angry, because I don't have some slave or sub to release my aggression and sexual tension on. I want to make a female feel pain and torment before I use her to get off."
Right, in his profile he states he is looking for a life partner, to marry and have kids. Yeah great, he follows this up with the above journal entry where he pretty much says he's a misogynist.. There's no doubt what this cat is looking for is a doormat, and anyone getting involved with this dude better know they ain't gonna be lounging about on the sofa all day watching soap operas and eating bon-bons.
This is from the journals of a 43 female submissive in California.
"As of 10/9/10 the man i have been staying with, seriously asked me to be with him, to stay with him... he doesn't want to collar me at the moment, but he does want full control over who and when i play. He is my protector, so playing with others is not out of the question. I am being well used by him, he keeps me on edge everyday. I feel very useful and wanted."
Yeah, but he doesn't want to collar you eh? Oh he might eventually but you can bet your bottom dollar this guy is looking to better deal your ass. I think it's a good bet in the next few months this one's profile is going to change and be one of those, "I was hurt so bad" sort of profiles.
Then again, if you allow yourself to get involved in that way.. Well nevermind..
Okay a quick disclaimer before I end this posting..
This blog is meant only to be a forum to post my sarcastic and hopefully funny views. I have been getting messages from a couple of people who wish me to use my blog for other reasons such as outing someone's ex boyfriend as being gay. (Yeah, I got a long letter last week requesting I do that, and even included information about that person that should not be given to a stranger on the internet.)
That sort of shit won't be happening on this blog.
Oh one more quickie before I go. Chuck is now back home at his parent's house and he told he that he has as of this writing claimed his mohawk grenades and is a warrior of some sort in WoW.
I know this is being posted on the 1st, here's a little tribute to the great Freddie Mercury, lost to us on Nov. 3, 1991.. One day after he confirmed the rumors he indeed had contracted the AIDS virus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irp8CNj9qBI&feature=related
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Just when I am thinking it is going to be at least a week before I will be able to post again I start getting a plethora of messages from people on CM directing me to specific profiles. Being the curious, nosy, and lulz hunting bitch I am; I of course had a look at those profiles and added them to my favorites list for further examination.
Yes, yes folks. If UltimateDomme on CollarMe has become an admirer of yours, it is NOT because I want to get to know you better. No, it's because i'm going to be having a close look at your profile to see if there is anything lulzworthy <-- one word, that's right... in there. Now, if you think you're going to slip that, "You don't have my permission to use my photos/words, so there" in your profile and it will keep you safe.. Think again.. that shit is public and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.
*sweet smile*
So let's have a look at some of these profiles and see what sort of skeletons we can dig up. <-- Ya dig the halloween reference there?
We're going to ring that irony bell on this one. This is a 55 year old Dominant from France. In his profile he states...
"Incidentally, I've been around long enough to spot fakes a mile off. Like most people I can spot a studio shot, but unlike most I can also find the source of many stolen images. It used to be part of my job.
So don't bother contacting me if your profile uses stolen images, if it only has one studio image, however well cropped, or if you have no images on your profile and don't send one with your message."
Well, isn't that specialllllllllllll? Let's dig a little further into this profile and see what we can find, shall we?
If you view this guy's full profile, you find he has ONE friend. (Yay! A friend) His one friend is a 21 year old female switch also from France.
Mr "I can spot a fake a mile off's" friend is a very cute little blonde with pink highlights and she looks amazingly like Alexis Grace, the American Idol contestant. As a matter of fact the photo in this profile *IS* Alexis Grace..
I don't want to be the one to say it, but it's pretty ironic that someone who sends messages to those and has a go at them for weeding out fakes, (Yeah, you know who I mean.) and claims to be able to spot them a mile off gets fooled by someone using the photo of Alexis Grace and passing it off as herself. (Or himself mayhap? I'm also thinking they could be one inthe same person.)
This bud's for YOU, ya stoopid sumbitch. And listen to the irony bell ringing out loud.
Right then, on we go to the next contestant.. And this one I suspect is rather on the nefarious side, but I don't know for sure. I'll let you all decide that one.
This is a 19 year old female dominant in New York who says she has PerfectTits <-- hint hint.
"i get off on the idea that my perfect titties cause instant erections (and wetness). So i have decided to have a contest: Wank to my pictures and then send your description of it -- the more creative the better. AND I WILL MEET IN PERSON WITH THE WINNING ENTRY (assuming you can cum to New York) AND ALLOW YOU TO VIEW MY TITS IN PERSON AND WANK AND SQUIRT IN FRONT OF ME!
No further relationship: you will rent a motel room; I will show up (with my security); you will be on the bed and not allowed to step off it; I will be across the room. I will strip off my shirt and bra and you will masturbate. If you want to make me happy (rather than just making yourself happy), then you will eat your mess for me.
This contest will run until I have 50 stories in my journal. I and some of my friends will choose the winner. Girls can enter, too! Impress me to undress me!
And yes, my tits are 100 percent natural God-given."
I have a strange feeling that when someone finally "wins" this contest and they get that hotel in New York, a sexy blonde with the greatest tits in the world is not going to be the one who knocks on your door. No, I rather suspect you're going to be visited by a couple of gorillas who will do hurtful things to your body and empty your wallet for you. Now I don't know that for SURE, but I sure don't buy the crap that is in this profile. Or perhaps the person behind that profile is just looking for hot stories, who knows?
Oh and Miss PerfectTits? When God gave you those perfect titties he seems to have forgotten to get rid of those implant scars underneath them.
Right then, the next one on the docket is a 25 year old dominant from Saint Louis. Before I show you the selected paragragh for this guy's profile, I want to point out this cat claims to have been involved in the lifestyle "many years."
Yeah okay, here's the paragraph.
"I seek either a sub for few meets here and there or a full live/tpe slave. the sub/slave must being willing to push her limits , have some limits be punishments, and hard the hard limits not be crossed at all. I am a masochist, i like causing pain , although this is a plus in a sub/slave and i do seek this , I understand if you do not have a high level of pain . The sub/slave must have a brain and able to keep a conversation and my interest. I find there is to talk about the longer my interest will be how ever "drama" although OK to talk about is not good to talk about all the time."
Uhh, now maybe i've read this one's profile and missed something, but since when is someone who likes causing pain a masochist?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this guy is pretty much full of shit. what'cha think?
I've gained a fan of a certain fake lesbian. Well, not so much a fan as someone who has made it a point on two occasions to message me and tell me i'm FAKE!
Ohh noooooooooeesss.. Now, i'd have looked at her profile to see if there was anything funny contained within, but she has a blank profile aside from three pictures.. of at least two different people this one is presenting as being them. Now, Elvira85 is in the Netherlands so it's possible he doesn't understand English very well And doesn't get the fact that my profile is complete satire,(Told him three times) I don't know. But he's sure self righteous about having found my profile and it seems I am not telling the truth in it. *eyeroll*
What I don't get is why people voluntarily put their head in the lion's mouth. Really, if you send someone like me those sorts of messages i'm gonna layeth the smacketh down upon you. If you smellllllll what the.. Eh, nevermind.
I got a message from someone in the UK yesterday evening wondering what the fuck I was talking about when I mentioned Prop 19 in California.
What it is, is a measure to make the possession of up to an ounce of marijuana legal in that state. If it passes, it will certainly give a whole new meaning to the words of the song California Dreaming, eh?
Again, this is not a political statement other than to say it's a prop I am interested in seeing the results of. I'm going to make it point to keep my political beliefs out of this blog. I want this to be for entertainment only. :-P
TTFN.
Yes, yes folks. If UltimateDomme on CollarMe has become an admirer of yours, it is NOT because I want to get to know you better. No, it's because i'm going to be having a close look at your profile to see if there is anything lulzworthy <-- one word, that's right... in there. Now, if you think you're going to slip that, "You don't have my permission to use my photos/words, so there" in your profile and it will keep you safe.. Think again.. that shit is public and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.
*sweet smile*
So let's have a look at some of these profiles and see what sort of skeletons we can dig up. <-- Ya dig the halloween reference there?
We're going to ring that irony bell on this one. This is a 55 year old Dominant from France. In his profile he states...
"Incidentally, I've been around long enough to spot fakes a mile off. Like most people I can spot a studio shot, but unlike most I can also find the source of many stolen images. It used to be part of my job.
So don't bother contacting me if your profile uses stolen images, if it only has one studio image, however well cropped, or if you have no images on your profile and don't send one with your message."
Well, isn't that specialllllllllllll? Let's dig a little further into this profile and see what we can find, shall we?
If you view this guy's full profile, you find he has ONE friend. (Yay! A friend) His one friend is a 21 year old female switch also from France.
Mr "I can spot a fake a mile off's" friend is a very cute little blonde with pink highlights and she looks amazingly like Alexis Grace, the American Idol contestant. As a matter of fact the photo in this profile *IS* Alexis Grace..
I don't want to be the one to say it, but it's pretty ironic that someone who sends messages to those and has a go at them for weeding out fakes, (Yeah, you know who I mean.) and claims to be able to spot them a mile off gets fooled by someone using the photo of Alexis Grace and passing it off as herself. (Or himself mayhap? I'm also thinking they could be one inthe same person.)
This bud's for YOU, ya stoopid sumbitch. And listen to the irony bell ringing out loud.
Right then, on we go to the next contestant.. And this one I suspect is rather on the nefarious side, but I don't know for sure. I'll let you all decide that one.
This is a 19 year old female dominant in New York who says she has PerfectTits <-- hint hint.
"i get off on the idea that my perfect titties cause instant erections (and wetness). So i have decided to have a contest: Wank to my pictures and then send your description of it -- the more creative the better. AND I WILL MEET IN PERSON WITH THE WINNING ENTRY (assuming you can cum to New York) AND ALLOW YOU TO VIEW MY TITS IN PERSON AND WANK AND SQUIRT IN FRONT OF ME!
No further relationship: you will rent a motel room; I will show up (with my security); you will be on the bed and not allowed to step off it; I will be across the room. I will strip off my shirt and bra and you will masturbate. If you want to make me happy (rather than just making yourself happy), then you will eat your mess for me.
This contest will run until I have 50 stories in my journal. I and some of my friends will choose the winner. Girls can enter, too! Impress me to undress me!
And yes, my tits are 100 percent natural God-given."
I have a strange feeling that when someone finally "wins" this contest and they get that hotel in New York, a sexy blonde with the greatest tits in the world is not going to be the one who knocks on your door. No, I rather suspect you're going to be visited by a couple of gorillas who will do hurtful things to your body and empty your wallet for you. Now I don't know that for SURE, but I sure don't buy the crap that is in this profile. Or perhaps the person behind that profile is just looking for hot stories, who knows?
Oh and Miss PerfectTits? When God gave you those perfect titties he seems to have forgotten to get rid of those implant scars underneath them.
Right then, the next one on the docket is a 25 year old dominant from Saint Louis. Before I show you the selected paragragh for this guy's profile, I want to point out this cat claims to have been involved in the lifestyle "many years."
Yeah okay, here's the paragraph.
"I seek either a sub for few meets here and there or a full live/tpe slave. the sub/slave must being willing to push her limits , have some limits be punishments, and hard the hard limits not be crossed at all. I am a masochist, i like causing pain , although this is a plus in a sub/slave and i do seek this , I understand if you do not have a high level of pain . The sub/slave must have a brain and able to keep a conversation and my interest. I find there is to talk about the longer my interest will be how ever "drama" although OK to talk about is not good to talk about all the time."
Uhh, now maybe i've read this one's profile and missed something, but since when is someone who likes causing pain a masochist?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this guy is pretty much full of shit. what'cha think?
I've gained a fan of a certain fake lesbian. Well, not so much a fan as someone who has made it a point on two occasions to message me and tell me i'm FAKE!
Ohh noooooooooeesss.. Now, i'd have looked at her profile to see if there was anything funny contained within, but she has a blank profile aside from three pictures.. of at least two different people this one is presenting as being them. Now, Elvira85 is in the Netherlands so it's possible he doesn't understand English very well And doesn't get the fact that my profile is complete satire,(Told him three times) I don't know. But he's sure self righteous about having found my profile and it seems I am not telling the truth in it. *eyeroll*
What I don't get is why people voluntarily put their head in the lion's mouth. Really, if you send someone like me those sorts of messages i'm gonna layeth the smacketh down upon you. If you smellllllll what the.. Eh, nevermind.
I got a message from someone in the UK yesterday evening wondering what the fuck I was talking about when I mentioned Prop 19 in California.
What it is, is a measure to make the possession of up to an ounce of marijuana legal in that state. If it passes, it will certainly give a whole new meaning to the words of the song California Dreaming, eh?
Again, this is not a political statement other than to say it's a prop I am interested in seeing the results of. I'm going to make it point to keep my political beliefs out of this blog. I want this to be for entertainment only. :-P
TTFN.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I must stand corrected to a degree.
Someone posted here that my forumla on bricks was off as I was adding 1/2 inch to each brick when it should have been 1/4 inch for all the bricks with the exception of the first and last brick which would have the extra 1/4 inch added.
Therefore using that formula the fake lesbian in question would be 5'1" or something like that in the picture. It still shoots the idea of 4'8" as is claimed in the profile right down the ole' commode.
So after further review from instant replay the fake lesbian is busted as called. The blogger is not charged with a timeout. To the one who posted about the bricks, good catch... Of course you can always go look at the profile and decide for yourself... :-)
On second thought, this Lazykitten changed the pictures on his profile and the new pictures are of a totally different woman.. Ummm, OOPS! On top of that, he took out the journal entry that claimed he was 4'8".. My suggestion to Lazykitten is to just start a new name LOL.
I'm going right to the profiles to find this excerpt from the profile of a 43 dominant in New York.
"My father was 3rd generation lifestyle Master and I was trained by him. Raised in an M/s-D/s family. I am a trained Master with over 20 years in the lifestyle. I do not endanger slaves/submissives. IF you are into pain I can give you the levels of pain you need."
Umm, third generation lifetsyle master and papa trained you? I wonder if that's a form of joining the family business? Hmm, well let's visit this for a moment, trained by his father eh?
If this was a M/s-D/s family and this cat was being trained by dear ole dad, who might we suppose he was being trained upon? Mom?.. Baby Sis?... the three slaves mom didn't know about? That's the kind of shit you see in those red covered paperbacks with titles such as "Chained Slave Mom" and others of that nature. (As a point of interest, there's a guy who posts hundreds of bondage photos a day in the alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage newsgroup and every now and again one of the covers of those paperbacks finds it's way into the mix.)
When I hear someone say they were raised in an M/s family, I just have to wonder what sort of people would actually let their kids know about their "lifestyle."
"Gee dad, why does mom never sit on the sofa or at the dining room table?"
Here's one from a 28 female dominant in Indiana. This one is looking for an online male or female slave for webcam sessions.. Great.. To contact this person, you must follow her guidelines.. here's what she requrires...
"Msg me back with:
1. your skype \ yahoo name (skype is preferred over yahoo)
2. Pics of your face toys and NAKED body
3. list of toys (if you don't have any don't bother.
*** household items are not toys)"
What the fuck do you mean household items are not toys? Can you say lack of imagination? There isn't a BDSMer I know who cannot find many "scene" uses for a lot of household items, and many of them are obvious.. Clothespins, binder clips, those rods that you twist to open and close your blinds. Toothpaste, (Wonderful mild irritant) and other assorted cremes, salves and liniments. Ginger root, a ruler, a wooden spoon, a rolling pin....
And i'll just bet there are many many more. Household items are not toys? oh please!
Get off of my internet with that crap!
You've all seen those profiles and journal entries where the sub says that they are collared or something like that and if you wish to converse with her you must have her Master/Mistress's permission, yes?
So why does that bother you? I've seen a few journal entries where the guy gets quite offended that he would need someone elses permission to talk to someone. "Why, nobody tells me who I can talk to!"
No need to get your panties in a bunch, trooper. You go right ahead and message whomever you wish. But really, stop crying about it and don't be surprised when that sub who says you need her master's permission does not answer you. You might not need to do what he says, but SHE will.
Then there's the EVIL sonofabitch in Louisiana who says he's into REAL punishment, uh, singing the brady bunch theme song in a cajun accent. Okay cute...cute...
But the next line in his profile says if you don't think it's real punishment guess what song will not leave your mind?
YOU EVIL BASTARD!!!!
And his name is appropriately enough, punisher.
Now I need a song to get that one out of my head...let's see...
"So bring me my broadsword... And clear understanding... Give me my cross of gold.. as a talisman" <--- Jethro Tull. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3RNdU2d0PY
Now, Fuck you and your damned Brady Bunch!!
On a more serious note, there have been some recent changes at CollarMe that are pretty positive. Has anyone noticed that when getting a message from some people there may be a warning on top of that message saying the user has been flagged as a spammer? I've gotten a few of these and it seems there have been other changes as well, not the least of which is the new message system with many options when sending a message.
As i've posted a few entires back, CM is of course aware of the scammers and spammers but the reality is there is really no way possible to keep them all off the site, any more than it was possible to keep them off of AOL, Yahoo chat or ANY other social networking site.
The bottom line is when you see a scammer on CM, don't blame CM for them being there. Report the scammer, and it's a good bet that person will disappear. Other than that, Caveat Emptor. It's the friggen internet after all. Remember the technology is neutral.
That'll do it for now. I'm not sure i'll be posting again before then, but next Tuesday, Nov 2 is the midterm elections in the USA. No politcal statement here other than VOTE!!
Although, i'm interested in seeing how Prop 19 does out in California.
Someone posted here that my forumla on bricks was off as I was adding 1/2 inch to each brick when it should have been 1/4 inch for all the bricks with the exception of the first and last brick which would have the extra 1/4 inch added.
Therefore using that formula the fake lesbian in question would be 5'1" or something like that in the picture. It still shoots the idea of 4'8" as is claimed in the profile right down the ole' commode.
So after further review from instant replay the fake lesbian is busted as called. The blogger is not charged with a timeout. To the one who posted about the bricks, good catch... Of course you can always go look at the profile and decide for yourself... :-)
On second thought, this Lazykitten changed the pictures on his profile and the new pictures are of a totally different woman.. Ummm, OOPS! On top of that, he took out the journal entry that claimed he was 4'8".. My suggestion to Lazykitten is to just start a new name LOL.
I'm going right to the profiles to find this excerpt from the profile of a 43 dominant in New York.
"My father was 3rd generation lifestyle Master and I was trained by him. Raised in an M/s-D/s family. I am a trained Master with over 20 years in the lifestyle. I do not endanger slaves/submissives. IF you are into pain I can give you the levels of pain you need."
Umm, third generation lifetsyle master and papa trained you? I wonder if that's a form of joining the family business? Hmm, well let's visit this for a moment, trained by his father eh?
If this was a M/s-D/s family and this cat was being trained by dear ole dad, who might we suppose he was being trained upon? Mom?.. Baby Sis?... the three slaves mom didn't know about? That's the kind of shit you see in those red covered paperbacks with titles such as "Chained Slave Mom" and others of that nature. (As a point of interest, there's a guy who posts hundreds of bondage photos a day in the alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage newsgroup and every now and again one of the covers of those paperbacks finds it's way into the mix.)
When I hear someone say they were raised in an M/s family, I just have to wonder what sort of people would actually let their kids know about their "lifestyle."
"Gee dad, why does mom never sit on the sofa or at the dining room table?"
Here's one from a 28 female dominant in Indiana. This one is looking for an online male or female slave for webcam sessions.. Great.. To contact this person, you must follow her guidelines.. here's what she requrires...
"Msg me back with:
1. your skype \ yahoo name (skype is preferred over yahoo)
2. Pics of your face toys and NAKED body
3. list of toys (if you don't have any don't bother.
*** household items are not toys)"
What the fuck do you mean household items are not toys? Can you say lack of imagination? There isn't a BDSMer I know who cannot find many "scene" uses for a lot of household items, and many of them are obvious.. Clothespins, binder clips, those rods that you twist to open and close your blinds. Toothpaste, (Wonderful mild irritant) and other assorted cremes, salves and liniments. Ginger root, a ruler, a wooden spoon, a rolling pin....
And i'll just bet there are many many more. Household items are not toys? oh please!
Get off of my internet with that crap!
You've all seen those profiles and journal entries where the sub says that they are collared or something like that and if you wish to converse with her you must have her Master/Mistress's permission, yes?
So why does that bother you? I've seen a few journal entries where the guy gets quite offended that he would need someone elses permission to talk to someone. "Why, nobody tells me who I can talk to!"
No need to get your panties in a bunch, trooper. You go right ahead and message whomever you wish. But really, stop crying about it and don't be surprised when that sub who says you need her master's permission does not answer you. You might not need to do what he says, but SHE will.
Then there's the EVIL sonofabitch in Louisiana who says he's into REAL punishment, uh, singing the brady bunch theme song in a cajun accent. Okay cute...cute...
But the next line in his profile says if you don't think it's real punishment guess what song will not leave your mind?
YOU EVIL BASTARD!!!!
And his name is appropriately enough, punisher.
Now I need a song to get that one out of my head...let's see...
"So bring me my broadsword... And clear understanding... Give me my cross of gold.. as a talisman" <--- Jethro Tull. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3RNdU2d0PY
Now, Fuck you and your damned Brady Bunch!!
On a more serious note, there have been some recent changes at CollarMe that are pretty positive. Has anyone noticed that when getting a message from some people there may be a warning on top of that message saying the user has been flagged as a spammer? I've gotten a few of these and it seems there have been other changes as well, not the least of which is the new message system with many options when sending a message.
As i've posted a few entires back, CM is of course aware of the scammers and spammers but the reality is there is really no way possible to keep them all off the site, any more than it was possible to keep them off of AOL, Yahoo chat or ANY other social networking site.
The bottom line is when you see a scammer on CM, don't blame CM for them being there. Report the scammer, and it's a good bet that person will disappear. Other than that, Caveat Emptor. It's the friggen internet after all. Remember the technology is neutral.
That'll do it for now. I'm not sure i'll be posting again before then, but next Tuesday, Nov 2 is the midterm elections in the USA. No politcal statement here other than VOTE!!
Although, i'm interested in seeing how Prop 19 does out in California.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I'm back!!
Heh, how many profiles have you seen on CM where that is the first line in the profile? It's as if they are some sort of hot commodity and now they're announcing to the CM world they have returned.
Ah reality on this? About 95 out of every 100 people who see your profile don't give a flying fuck if you're back or not. 4 out of the other 5 just think your pictures are hot and they will save them on their computers for future wanking... the 100th DOES care that you're back, but he's the one who wants to lock you in a cage and only pull you out to use you on occasion.
What I mean is you could have stayed away and no one would have cared. So you're back. Great, now go get me a fucking drink.
Picture wanking, can someone please explain to me the idea behind jacking off onto a picture and then taking a picture of that to post on some site? What is the thought process involved in doing this sort of thing? This is one I just don't get so anyone who can tell me, i'd um appreciate it.
Right then, this is going to seem nitpickish (Is nitpickish a word? If not, fuck you is is NOW!) but I was mining for gold a little while ago, (That means browsing profiles to find the lulz) and I saw the profile of a 23 year old lesbian submissive from Kentucky.
Yeah, the woman in these pictures is of course model quality and at least two of the shots are definitely professional because of the background. It's a fake of course but this one gives himself away in a very interesting manner. (Other than the usual model quality photos and the obesssive rambling about "no men", of course.)
The fake lesbian says he is 4'8" (two of the pictures are in a schoolgirl outfit, cute idea that one.) and in one photo this woman is bent at the knees sitting with her ass on the back of what looks to be a standard dining table chair.
I'm sitting here with the wheels turning in my head because this just didn't seem right. 4'8" should be WAY too short to be able to do this. Another photo has this woman standing against a brick wall. So I sought to measure her to see exactly how tall this woman is.
How did I do that you ask? Well, I whipped out my trusty tape measure and simply held it to the screen. No, I looked up what the dimensions are on a brick and discovered a standard american brick is 2 1/4 inches wide.(look it up if you don't believe me, LOL.) assuming this brick wall is made of standard american bricks adding 1/4 inch of mortar on each side of the brick to make them 2 3/4 inches apart..
Ya following me so far? Good... counting the bricks I find that this woman is 24 bricks tall (brick along with the mortar on each side) We come up with 24x2.75=66 or 5'6" tall. As a point of interest, the woman's knees were a little bent in this photo so she may be a little taller than 5'6". Either way, it's a FAR cry from the 4'8" this fake lesbian claims to be.
Hmm, so to that less than energetic baby feline (*coughlazykittencough*) from Muhammad Ali's hometown..(coughagainlouisvillecougcough*) You'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee BUSTED!
I told you it was nitpickish, didn't I? But it's all for teh lulz.
The day after I posted my last entry I was confronted on CM by a gorean "warrior" and he took it upon himself to take me to task for something I said in my entry. Again the disclaimer that you cannot make this stuff up, but he tells me that Douglas Adams wrote fiction and it is "ludacris" <-- His spelling, not mine... to say I live my life based on his writing.
*Blank Stare*
Oh, he went on to berate me for saying what I did about gor and that I shouldn't speak about things I obviously do not understand.
Now, since I know he's reading my blog, here's my answer to this fine gorean warrior...
Are you really THAT fucking stupid? No, don't answer... But please.. PLEASE never get offline and procreate... mmmkay pal?
Right then, let's talk about the level of bisexualism that is known as "very bi" for a moment. What in the wide world of watersports is VERY BI anyway? I get bicurious.. yes I do, meaning you're staight but you just neverrrrrrrrr know what could happen under the right circumstances..
I also get the idea you're bisexual but you lean one way or the other, cool.
But what the fuck does it mean to be "VERY BI"? Either you go both ways or you do not... There ain't a whole lot of grey area on this one.
There are enough people reading my blog that you don't necessarily have to send ME something stupid for it to end up here. There have been quite a few occasions i've gotten messages from people who point me at a profile to have a look at or tell me of someone who sent them something they thought I might get a laugh out of.
One in particular simply fills me with so much delight to pass along to you all. I got a a message from a submissive woman that told of getting a message from some dom whose message was something along the lines of, "sorry for the late reply but I own two companies and am very busy, needless to say i'm interested in you."
Now, this submissive in her message to me told me she replied that she didn't remember exchanging any messages with this guy. She heard from him again over a week later....
HE SENT HER THE EXACT SAME MESSAGE A SECOND TIME!!
This guy's line of bullshit is to send people a prewritten messsage acting as if you've already been exchanging messages in hopes that person falls for it. That in of itself is funny, but to ME it's even more lulz worthy because this is the very same shitstain whom i've metioned on here as the guy who told me I was reported and that he knew the owner.
Oh hell yes, i'm going to enjoy this. If you'll recall me mentioning that this asshole's profile was this huge whine about fakes and the like? Good, good.
I've got to say it's more than a little ironic that this assclown uses a deceptive line of bullshit when he tries to chat up women with the profile he has.
So to masteronthecoast, your line of bullshit is beyond funny and even sad considering your self righteous profile. You're just plain pathetic.
See? You folks keep sending me those funny happenings and I just may post it on my blog.
A quick nimbus update... The person behind the name has sent me a couple of messages and has even posted a link on his blog to here.
He's had the latest of his names, nimbus7 deleted but in his email he told me people who are linking his blog are also having CM come down on them. Pretty interesting that, but we all know why they do this. CM doesn't allow blacklists, and give a pretty flimsy reason as to why, but whatever.
Anyway his blog can be found at http://collarmebusts.blogspot.com/
That's it for now, but i'll be backkkkkkkkkk.
Heh, how many profiles have you seen on CM where that is the first line in the profile? It's as if they are some sort of hot commodity and now they're announcing to the CM world they have returned.
Ah reality on this? About 95 out of every 100 people who see your profile don't give a flying fuck if you're back or not. 4 out of the other 5 just think your pictures are hot and they will save them on their computers for future wanking... the 100th DOES care that you're back, but he's the one who wants to lock you in a cage and only pull you out to use you on occasion.
What I mean is you could have stayed away and no one would have cared. So you're back. Great, now go get me a fucking drink.
Picture wanking, can someone please explain to me the idea behind jacking off onto a picture and then taking a picture of that to post on some site? What is the thought process involved in doing this sort of thing? This is one I just don't get so anyone who can tell me, i'd um appreciate it.
Right then, this is going to seem nitpickish (Is nitpickish a word? If not, fuck you is is NOW!) but I was mining for gold a little while ago, (That means browsing profiles to find the lulz) and I saw the profile of a 23 year old lesbian submissive from Kentucky.
Yeah, the woman in these pictures is of course model quality and at least two of the shots are definitely professional because of the background. It's a fake of course but this one gives himself away in a very interesting manner. (Other than the usual model quality photos and the obesssive rambling about "no men", of course.)
The fake lesbian says he is 4'8" (two of the pictures are in a schoolgirl outfit, cute idea that one.) and in one photo this woman is bent at the knees sitting with her ass on the back of what looks to be a standard dining table chair.
I'm sitting here with the wheels turning in my head because this just didn't seem right. 4'8" should be WAY too short to be able to do this. Another photo has this woman standing against a brick wall. So I sought to measure her to see exactly how tall this woman is.
How did I do that you ask? Well, I whipped out my trusty tape measure and simply held it to the screen. No, I looked up what the dimensions are on a brick and discovered a standard american brick is 2 1/4 inches wide.(look it up if you don't believe me, LOL.) assuming this brick wall is made of standard american bricks adding 1/4 inch of mortar on each side of the brick to make them 2 3/4 inches apart..
Ya following me so far? Good... counting the bricks I find that this woman is 24 bricks tall (brick along with the mortar on each side) We come up with 24x2.75=66 or 5'6" tall. As a point of interest, the woman's knees were a little bent in this photo so she may be a little taller than 5'6". Either way, it's a FAR cry from the 4'8" this fake lesbian claims to be.
Hmm, so to that less than energetic baby feline (*coughlazykittencough*) from Muhammad Ali's hometown..(coughagainlouisvillecougcough*) You'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee BUSTED!
I told you it was nitpickish, didn't I? But it's all for teh lulz.
The day after I posted my last entry I was confronted on CM by a gorean "warrior" and he took it upon himself to take me to task for something I said in my entry. Again the disclaimer that you cannot make this stuff up, but he tells me that Douglas Adams wrote fiction and it is "ludacris" <-- His spelling, not mine... to say I live my life based on his writing.
*Blank Stare*
Oh, he went on to berate me for saying what I did about gor and that I shouldn't speak about things I obviously do not understand.
Now, since I know he's reading my blog, here's my answer to this fine gorean warrior...
Are you really THAT fucking stupid? No, don't answer... But please.. PLEASE never get offline and procreate... mmmkay pal?
Right then, let's talk about the level of bisexualism that is known as "very bi" for a moment. What in the wide world of watersports is VERY BI anyway? I get bicurious.. yes I do, meaning you're staight but you just neverrrrrrrrr know what could happen under the right circumstances..
I also get the idea you're bisexual but you lean one way or the other, cool.
But what the fuck does it mean to be "VERY BI"? Either you go both ways or you do not... There ain't a whole lot of grey area on this one.
There are enough people reading my blog that you don't necessarily have to send ME something stupid for it to end up here. There have been quite a few occasions i've gotten messages from people who point me at a profile to have a look at or tell me of someone who sent them something they thought I might get a laugh out of.
One in particular simply fills me with so much delight to pass along to you all. I got a a message from a submissive woman that told of getting a message from some dom whose message was something along the lines of, "sorry for the late reply but I own two companies and am very busy, needless to say i'm interested in you."
Now, this submissive in her message to me told me she replied that she didn't remember exchanging any messages with this guy. She heard from him again over a week later....
HE SENT HER THE EXACT SAME MESSAGE A SECOND TIME!!
This guy's line of bullshit is to send people a prewritten messsage acting as if you've already been exchanging messages in hopes that person falls for it. That in of itself is funny, but to ME it's even more lulz worthy because this is the very same shitstain whom i've metioned on here as the guy who told me I was reported and that he knew the owner.
Oh hell yes, i'm going to enjoy this. If you'll recall me mentioning that this asshole's profile was this huge whine about fakes and the like? Good, good.
I've got to say it's more than a little ironic that this assclown uses a deceptive line of bullshit when he tries to chat up women with the profile he has.
So to masteronthecoast, your line of bullshit is beyond funny and even sad considering your self righteous profile. You're just plain pathetic.
See? You folks keep sending me those funny happenings and I just may post it on my blog.
A quick nimbus update... The person behind the name has sent me a couple of messages and has even posted a link on his blog to here.
He's had the latest of his names, nimbus7 deleted but in his email he told me people who are linking his blog are also having CM come down on them. Pretty interesting that, but we all know why they do this. CM doesn't allow blacklists, and give a pretty flimsy reason as to why, but whatever.
Anyway his blog can be found at http://collarmebusts.blogspot.com/
That's it for now, but i'll be backkkkkkkkkk.
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