Only a politician can stick their hand in your pocket, take all your money and then convince you that you're somehow richer for it.
Oh shit! Is she about to get political on this motherfucker?
Nah, I just thought having that image of a politician in mind would be a good lead in to this first profile. This profile caused me to get stomach pains when I read it. Errr, the good kind of stomach pains, yanno from laughing.
This is a 46 dominant in California and if you can't see a politician's hand in this profile.. Wait.. here it is..
"I am a naturally dominant, successful white man who is now looking for a role as a “house-husband” for a hard charging, driven woman. I have done my time in the corporate world…risen to the level of VP, so I understand the stress, the issues and the struggles of climbing the corporate latter. My ideal situation would be with a career woman who wants a relationship where she can focus on her career during the day, but be a submissive woman at night…I take care of the house…run the household and you bring home the bacon…so I am looking for a female power-sub…"
Oh come on now, don't you think this is a cool way to say, "I wanna sit home while YOU go out and work"? Ahh, let's see if he gets more detailed..
"Don’t make any mistake…I am not submissive….and I very confident and comfortable. I have standards. Not only do you need to be driven to high achievement, you need to be sexy, in shape and very intelligent in order to keep my attention and my affections…I am also very presentable - clean cut, attractive, in great shape if I need to accompany you to social events.
A younger woman on her way up will find that I am able to guide, mentor and coach while taking care of everything else in her life.....an older woman will find that my understanding of her needs and my ability to push her along will be invaluable in tacking those struggles in getting to and keeping that coveted corner office..."
He doessssssssss get more detailed! Errrr, Now let's break this down and see if we can as a group come to the same conclusion...
Right then, she has to be driven to high achievement... mmmkay... She has to be sexy...in shape...and very intelligent...
Yeah okay.. let's just say you're a woman who is driven to high standards, sexy and in shape..and very intelligent. What in the blue monkey hell would she want with this guy who aspires to sit at home and sponge from you?
Ehhh, giving him the benefit of the doubt.. He's probably not alone in wanting the above situation.. Heh, to be a trophy husband.
Here's one from someone who obvious got tired of hearing from people no matter what she put in her profile. This is a 49 female submissive from Belgium and this little bit of sarcasm tickled me..
"but, why should i bother updating ?
it's a well known fact that :
a True Dom doesn't need to read a profile. The sub is supposed to know what he likes and to be that way."
Oh yeah, stick that knife in and twist.
A few days ago I was browsing and this profile pops up on my screen.. A 23 female submissive in California.
"I have a theory about some Dominant men. The type I speak of are the sort of people who more than likely have some deep seated hatred for women. My theory is they are wimps using BDSM as an excuse to be abusive toward women."
I read that profile and thought to myself that this is someone who for whatever reason wanted to incite a riot or something of the sort. Sure enough a couple of days later this profile added the following journal entry.
"1 profile, 1 obvious truism, 1 provocative statement,1 week.
64 pages of messages agreeing but it certainly does not include THEM, 6 pages of attempts to justify it, 2 pages of offers to show me the way, 1 page of "well then why are you here" messages.
12 offers to submit to me, 7 couples trying to add me to their home, 4 attempts to pick a fight, 2 flat out admissions, 2 that's why they went lez messages, 1 offer to move to Alaska, 1 offer to join a traveling ren faire geek, 1 attempted hypnotism, 1 offer of a massage.
It was a very good week.
I love this site."
Errrrr... Now I dunno for sure, but it sure looks to me like this person is trying to rickroll (You know rick rolling? The song never gonna give you up? Please don't make me link it again!) the entire site... Ummm, and judging from that list and make no mistake folks, women do get that volume of messages when they're new... I'd say the rick rolling attempt has been successful.
Here's one that i'm sure is going to end up joining the Order of the Amazonian Templars.. She's gotta.. This is a 29 female dominant in New York.. Now let's have some giggles.. Err, I mean here's some of the profile.
"Teutonic-Nordic Mistress descended from the dominant race of the Norse and Teutons. Casts total mental, spiritual, sexual and physical control on her subs. Owns a realtime harem of devout Handmaidens and a stable of Studs, but will give opportunity to worthy and qualified online female subs, tested in online interaction, and if anyone may qualify, to be called upon to meet in real for screening and initiation. Only those who pass shall be ordained for realtime intensive and comprehensive slave training, and only by passing this may result in collaring and induction to the harem."
Right then.. here's someone with a whole fucking harem of "devout" Handmaidens and a stable of studs.. Uhh, but is looking for online female subs... Err for testing in online interaction.. (Translation: Will need to perform on webcam... multiple times.. before she rejects your dumb ass.)
Now, this errrr person has three photos and she goes on toward the end of the profile to address the "brutes" who have cast doubts upon the authenticity of her photos.. Wait, this is funny.
"A few unthinking brutes in this site have questioned my validity as a person because of the photos I have posted on my profile and their inability to use their minds in processing the relevance of the pics. I normally just simply ignore messages from mindless individuals in this site and unfortunately I ignore unbelievably so many. Very few messages trickle through to be favorably considered for reading, and even fewer result in correspondences. But one or two that succeed in getting into my personal system do have quality and are much better and more preferable than the multitude who end up in the garbage dumps.
But to let future interested parties know about the history of these pics and their relevance, I will give the information.
The pic of me by the Lotus sportscar was taken when I was 16, headed to a celebrity fashion event. The car belongs to my late Dad s collection of 14 exotic European sportscars (Dad passed away when I was 19). As one can clearly see, I am entering the car on the right passenger side. Dad was driving for me. *smiles*
The second photo causes the most number of numbskull comments from unthinking brutes. Indeed, that is the twin towers of the World Trade Center in the background, which was brought down on 9/11/01. Right.
I am riding a fast cabin cruiser that took me from a dock at Battery Park City to a 150-ft superyacht owned by one of my closest friends. Later on the evening of that day, on board the yacht, I hosted my 19th birthday, a party exclusive to my closest intimate friends and allies. where we partied for 3 straight days and 3 nights while the yacht cruised around the Atlantic within 500 miles of the NYC coast. Yes, it was my 19th birthday, and the date the photo was taken was 9/07/01, just 4 days before the attack on the WTC towers.
You think I am going to take that pic down? Nacht. Eat your hearts out, brutes.
The yellow car is just one of my cars, still in my collection. Pic was taken last year. Who cares about this pic? Just me and a car. LOL. I am not about to show my newest cars and current pics of me, as that would reveal too much of me. Enough to know that even a car as old as my Dad s Lotus and the WTC can cause so much drooling and hostile envy from despicably less-fortunate destitute souls."
Eh, gotta love the detail in explaining each photo.
I know that bit was long, but with my hand it's better for me to copy and paste more if I wanna crank out this stuff.. BUT.. But along with the detail in which she explains each of the pictures, I was able to make some observations about two of these three pictures.
The one on the boat (fast cabin cruiser) shows a woman sitting on the back of this boat and the boat is moving. You can tell the boat is moving because of the wake behind the boat. Now, the woman in this photo is dressed in the usual boating attire.... complete with three inch heels..(Smirk) and her hair is hanging straight down as if the boat were not moving...
Oh wait.. the shadow this person casts looks to be extending to the actual wake in the water.. This is a photoshopped picture.
The 2nd photo is a picture of some sort of yellow sports cars with a person in the driver's seat and is pinned back as if the car is going like.. really fast... As sports cars of this type are subject to do... Now, look closer at the driver.. it's a mannequin. JUST SAYIN!!!
Now, it doesn't take that sort of observational effort to know this one is full of shit, but it's sure fun to do sometimes.
One more bit before I go.. I do like to check on those giggle a minute fake catching websites and most recently i've mentioned the one called collarmefakes.com.. In specific how they posted this list and used as a criteria that they did not answer messages..
Ah, well they've settled in to where they are posting specific names and the reason they believe they are fake.. Cool, but this site has done something I find very interesting. (Read as lulzworthy)
Some woman posted to the specific thread with the huge list and basically told them that it was a piss poor reason for calling them fake... what do they do? Welllllllllll.. they made this person a moderator of a newly created forum.... for profiles with multiple tineye hits...
The lulz come in when you take a look at who this moderator is.. The person who is a moderator on this fake catching website is a 24 female slave in Maryland and the profile reads like something right out of those red covered paperbacks.. Speaks of playing tie-up games at 6..having her holes experimented with by various objects at 8... And then searching for her first master at 12... Cause by then she knew the lifestlye was what she was meant to do, yanno?
"At the age of 12 i started to look for a Master on websites. Took a lot of trail and error, to find the right Master for me. i had 2 "Masters" previously. Both of which did not work out. One of them was no Master. He was just a dick. He would kick my head into walls, stomp on my hands, tried to light me on fire, and when i was modeling and he wasn't getting any work, he threatened me and cut me (Not in a fun or safe way). After being placed in many life threatening and dangerous situations, where there was no control over my safety by both myself and him, i left.
The second Master i had, i relocated from NY to California to serve him, however the moment I got there he wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic. That did not last long.
Since then my search as led me to my current Master."
Hmm, and what websites would you imagine a 12 year old girl would look for a master?
Yep yep yep, collarmefakes.com.. You keep on rooting out them fakes.. It's fucking vital work it is.
Later, folks.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Awwwwwww shit here I am again.. to pass along the lulz.. So lemme get right to it..
First a quick news update on that masterjaz person I spoke of last entry, his profile has gone into hiding. Good for him, stay hidden asshole. Also, that alphacharlie shitbag now has three new profiles. The names are RulerofWomen with 1 and 7 appended to the end of the name of the other two... Same profile as before...picture of a different soldier. He's now a 30 Dominant in Mississippi. Maybe he has more that are hidden, who knows? But let's alllllll give him a warm welcome!!
Now, you've all seen those profiles where the person talks about being trained by/worked with the greatest masters in the known universe, yes yes? Hmm, here's one who also posts that sort of brag... And it's pretty funny.
This is 24 female dominant in Alabama.. and here's the first paragraph in her profile...
"I am a sweet southern belle on the outside with lace, but alone I am a Cat who will take total control of you. Are you ready to be used, abused, controlled. I am not here for your pleasure, but only for mine. I have worked with the best on line Domme in the country. I am here for just a few things, and you will do as I say"
She worked with the best online domme in the country, huh? mmmkay then.
Now to be clear this is one of those financial cunts, but I realllllllllly wanna know how the fuck someone gets to be classified as the best online domme in the country. Come on now, let the imagination run wild on this and just think of what sort of competition that would be involved in deciding this issue. At the end of this competition the winners would of course get a printshopped certificate saying she's the top domme and gain the right to wear the title until the next year when they hold it again... Something like the Miss America bit without the evening gown and swimsuit competition.
Ahh, I don't know what events would be in those online domme olympics but if there's a creative complaining event I have a contender for you..
This is a 49 female dominant in Ohio... The profile itself is the typical, "I'm the fucking domme and yours is but to serve at my feet" sort of shit and in all caps to boot. The end of the profile contains this line..
"ALSO KEEP AN EYE ON MY JOURNALS; IT'S EDUCATIONAL !!!"
Right, so I start reading the journals and discover she's been on the site since Jan. and from the first day she's complaining about the site and the people who are sending her messages.... Several times in these whines she states that the site is useless and so on and so forth.... Yet here it is the middle of June and still she's here complaining about anything and everything on the site.
Yeah, I thought it was hilarious to read so I favorited the profile.. Yanno, for the education we were promised in her profile...Errrr right?
I get a message from her that says, "Question? What makes a Domme admire another Domme?"
Heh.. I send back this reply.. "Answer, because your profile and journals are fucking funny."
She didn't like that..... sends back another question.. "Fucking funny?"
So I answered her again... and discovered I was blocked. *giggle*
I have a sneaking suspicion this one would be damn near impossible to please.. One little thing and she'd go all bitch cakes on you.. Her profile keeps changing as well.. hmmmm.
Here's one that you have to read both the profile and the latest journal before you see the lulz.. But they're there..
This is a 33 male switch in Utah... and here's the first paragraph of his profile..
"I am very experienced in all forms of BDSM and D/s, 15 plus years, I am switch with very few limits, however I'm not interested in switching with the same person. I prefer sensual domination, however VERY STRICT AND SADISTIC at the same time."
Right, soaked it in? committed to memory? Good, good.. here's the latest journal..
"I mean no offense to anyone so please try not to be offended... But the ''Dominant'' women (girls) that are 18, 19, 20 years old that claim they are ''real'' and try to talk so ''Dominant'' in their profiles just crack me up. Sorry but from my EXPERIENCE someone that young really has no idea what it's all about....they're not old enough to have had experience to really get it....just my observation....again no offense intended..... "
Yeah.. uhhhh... So let us review... he's 33 with over 15 years experience.. mmmkay.. and here he is saying that women who are 18-20 are somehow clueless because of it.
Well, the hypocricy is clear enough.. But I see this a lot.. People with stated experience levels that had them starting out in BDSM when they were that young... Yet they feel some need to say when you're that young you can't know what it's all about.
Actually what he's saying is that to be that young you really don't know what it's like to be dominant.(I say that because in his profile he states he is looking for subs 18-35 but for dommes they need to be older, 35ish) I think he's full of shit, but it goes beyond this one profile.
Now, we can probably correctly assume these are the sort of people who believe that one must know what it is like first hand to be a submissive before they can ever hope to be a successful dominant. And there are many who feel this way but to them I say bullshit. Just because someone talked YOU into serving as a submissive to some dom/me as a way to "learn" don't go around thinking this is how it must be.
Granted, when someone is 18-20 it's simply not possible to have the sort of experience that makes them an expert or whatever, (This goes for all of you) but you'd be badly mistaken to believe those same people don't know what it's about... Especially now with the oodles and oodles of information easily available to nearly everyone.
Oh but it was different back in the old guard days. Yeah, different.. and not at all easy to break into when most of the BDSM clubs stayed underground. If anything, it's easier today because of the readily available information, the many munches and educational functions.. etc.
Here's a profile where it's just plain funny to see the difference between what it says and WHAT it says....Huh? Wait....
This is a 99 female switch from Washington and here's the first paragraph of the profile as written..
"First off this girl's Dom reads her profile so,Doms will be sent to bulk.. this is a message from her Dom."
Okay, that's what it says.. but let's rewrite that for what it really SAYS, eh?
"This girl belongs to me, Master CockJockey. I monitor this girl's profile and will send all messages from other Doms to bulk because like I don't share and stuff and I don't trust her to do as I say and not talk to other Doms so i've taken matters into my own hands and will not take any chances."
Oh okay, that was too easy.
Especially after seeing this journal from a 47 female switch in California. The journal is a couple of years old so you may have seen this... if not, fasten your seatbelts.
"The D/s BS Translator:
1. "Your submission is a precious gift - it should not be given
lightly." [Translation: So how about you stop putting out all over
town?]
2. "My role is to help you identify then stretch your limits"
[Translation: limits schmimits....let's do what I like for a change.]
3. "My pet, you seem to be struggling with your submission - that is a
natural feeling." [Translation: Any more smart ass back chat from you
and you'll be kicked to the curb.]
4. "You seem troubled my pet. We should talk." [Translation: Your
sulking is giving me the shits.]
5. "You are so wonderfully responsive" [Translation: You wail like a
banshee and move around so much I want to hit every major
organ....including your brain.]
6. "It is only in being owned that you will ever be completely free."
[Translation: I need some shmuck to give up his own life to wait on me
hand and foot without payment.]
7. "I have 20 years experience" [Translation: 20 years ago I tied
someone to the bed and last week I tried it again.]
8. "For me, the ritual of aftercare is the most important part of our scene"
[Translation: Because that is when you stagger off to get me a drink.]
9. "A true Dom has humility and never stops learning." [Translation:
Yeah, so I fucked up again: don't give me that accusing look, you big
sook.]
10. "I never, ever strike in anger." [Translation: It just feels that
way when you give me shit.]
11. It is time we explored polyamory together." [Translation: It is
time I bonked other people. You can help me pick them up and be my
excuse to get rid of them afterward]
12. "I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very private
person." [Translation: I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a
very married person.]
13. "I trained as a Domina in Europe in my early 20s." [Translation: I
had a kinky shag when backpacking around Europe after Uni.]
14. "SM? Don't think of it as pain. Think of it as intense sensation."
[Translation: This is going to hurt like hell, but I am almost certain
a big man like is going to be too proud to safeword and stop the party.]
15. "You can only be a truly successful Dominant if you have
submitted." [Translation: I want you to sub to me, and that sounds
like a legit reason you might actually consider it.]
16. "You must master your own life before you can master another's."
[Translation: You need to have a 20-thousand square foot house and be
pulling down at least 250k a year or the deal's are all off buddy. As
a sub, I need to be accommodated in the style I would like to become
accustomed to.]
17."I have no limits." [Translation: Until you go beyond what is legal
so I can have you charged, convicted and sue you to live the rest of
my life off the proceeds]
18. "That's not a Dom--that's a control freak." [Translation: Get rid
of that guy I wanna be your Dom cuz I hear you give good head.]
19. "All Dommes need is to find the right man." [Translation: Cuz I'm IT!]
20. "You aren't sub enough." [Translation: I can't handle a guy with a
mind of his own without resorting to cheap manipulation.]
21. "You're not submissive enough." [Translation: Because you won't
quit your management job, move to Nebraska today and give me oral sex
on the off-hand promise I might actually start a relationship with you.]
22. "You're not Dominant Enough" [Translation: You're no fun. You
won't maim me permanently and it's always been my biggest fantasy.]
The D/s BS Translator for Online Profiles:
23. "I'm service-oriented." [Translation: I hope the dumb sap falls
for this so he'll let me clean his place and I can snoop through his
shit.]
24. "I'm under consideration." [Translation: I'm chasing someone.]
25. "I've been released." [Translation: I've been dumped.]
26. "I am a true dom/sub." [Translation: You're a phony if you aren't
just like me.]
27. "I am a bratty sub." [Translation: I am a pain in the ass.]
28. "I will bend you to my will." [Translation: I am insane.]
29. "I am a submissive with slave tendencies." [Translation: Pick me
because I'm pretending to be subbier (or better) than a regular
submissive.]
31. "I am seeking my One." [Translation: Someone out there must have
dysfunctions which are compatible with mine.]
32. "I'm trained." [Translation: I will drive you nuts doing exactly
what my last master wanted.]
33. "I am a 24/7 slave, online only." [Translation: I am a bored housewife.]
34. "I'm strict but fair." [Translation: I'm always right, you're
always wrong, and I'll beat you whenever you're right and I don't want
to admit it.]
35. "I am a trainer of sluts." [Translation: I'm looking for girls
who will believe they are being "trained" when I order them to blow me.]
36. "Looking for a sub/slave/girl to join us." [Translation (when
posted by a sub/slave/girl): I am much too lazy to clean the house and
I need a work horse. Translation (when posted by the dominant): I need
a backup fuck for when she's mad at me. Bonus points if you'll take my
side in the argument.]"
Heh, so much for this blog.. that journal says it all. *laughing*.
And now for a little humor injected into the blog, this is a 44 dominant in the UK.. Check the profile..
"A little pissed off with this women saying there into certain things and really they dont have a clue what bdsm is."
Now... the profile picture? Oh yeah, it's of a guy in a Darth Vader costume.. I'm just sayin'!!!
First a quick news update on that masterjaz person I spoke of last entry, his profile has gone into hiding. Good for him, stay hidden asshole. Also, that alphacharlie shitbag now has three new profiles. The names are RulerofWomen with 1 and 7 appended to the end of the name of the other two... Same profile as before...picture of a different soldier. He's now a 30 Dominant in Mississippi. Maybe he has more that are hidden, who knows? But let's alllllll give him a warm welcome!!
Now, you've all seen those profiles where the person talks about being trained by/worked with the greatest masters in the known universe, yes yes? Hmm, here's one who also posts that sort of brag... And it's pretty funny.
This is 24 female dominant in Alabama.. and here's the first paragraph in her profile...
"I am a sweet southern belle on the outside with lace, but alone I am a Cat who will take total control of you. Are you ready to be used, abused, controlled. I am not here for your pleasure, but only for mine. I have worked with the best on line Domme in the country. I am here for just a few things, and you will do as I say"
She worked with the best online domme in the country, huh? mmmkay then.
Now to be clear this is one of those financial cunts, but I realllllllllly wanna know how the fuck someone gets to be classified as the best online domme in the country. Come on now, let the imagination run wild on this and just think of what sort of competition that would be involved in deciding this issue. At the end of this competition the winners would of course get a printshopped certificate saying she's the top domme and gain the right to wear the title until the next year when they hold it again... Something like the Miss America bit without the evening gown and swimsuit competition.
Ahh, I don't know what events would be in those online domme olympics but if there's a creative complaining event I have a contender for you..
This is a 49 female dominant in Ohio... The profile itself is the typical, "I'm the fucking domme and yours is but to serve at my feet" sort of shit and in all caps to boot. The end of the profile contains this line..
"ALSO KEEP AN EYE ON MY JOURNALS; IT'S EDUCATIONAL !!!"
Right, so I start reading the journals and discover she's been on the site since Jan. and from the first day she's complaining about the site and the people who are sending her messages.... Several times in these whines she states that the site is useless and so on and so forth.... Yet here it is the middle of June and still she's here complaining about anything and everything on the site.
Yeah, I thought it was hilarious to read so I favorited the profile.. Yanno, for the education we were promised in her profile...Errrr right?
I get a message from her that says, "Question? What makes a Domme admire another Domme?"
Heh.. I send back this reply.. "Answer, because your profile and journals are fucking funny."
She didn't like that..... sends back another question.. "Fucking funny?"
So I answered her again... and discovered I was blocked. *giggle*
I have a sneaking suspicion this one would be damn near impossible to please.. One little thing and she'd go all bitch cakes on you.. Her profile keeps changing as well.. hmmmm.
Here's one that you have to read both the profile and the latest journal before you see the lulz.. But they're there..
This is a 33 male switch in Utah... and here's the first paragraph of his profile..
"I am very experienced in all forms of BDSM and D/s, 15 plus years, I am switch with very few limits, however I'm not interested in switching with the same person. I prefer sensual domination, however VERY STRICT AND SADISTIC at the same time."
Right, soaked it in? committed to memory? Good, good.. here's the latest journal..
"I mean no offense to anyone so please try not to be offended... But the ''Dominant'' women (girls) that are 18, 19, 20 years old that claim they are ''real'' and try to talk so ''Dominant'' in their profiles just crack me up. Sorry but from my EXPERIENCE someone that young really has no idea what it's all about....they're not old enough to have had experience to really get it....just my observation....again no offense intended..... "
Yeah.. uhhhh... So let us review... he's 33 with over 15 years experience.. mmmkay.. and here he is saying that women who are 18-20 are somehow clueless because of it.
Well, the hypocricy is clear enough.. But I see this a lot.. People with stated experience levels that had them starting out in BDSM when they were that young... Yet they feel some need to say when you're that young you can't know what it's all about.
Actually what he's saying is that to be that young you really don't know what it's like to be dominant.(I say that because in his profile he states he is looking for subs 18-35 but for dommes they need to be older, 35ish) I think he's full of shit, but it goes beyond this one profile.
Now, we can probably correctly assume these are the sort of people who believe that one must know what it is like first hand to be a submissive before they can ever hope to be a successful dominant. And there are many who feel this way but to them I say bullshit. Just because someone talked YOU into serving as a submissive to some dom/me as a way to "learn" don't go around thinking this is how it must be.
Granted, when someone is 18-20 it's simply not possible to have the sort of experience that makes them an expert or whatever, (This goes for all of you) but you'd be badly mistaken to believe those same people don't know what it's about... Especially now with the oodles and oodles of information easily available to nearly everyone.
Oh but it was different back in the old guard days. Yeah, different.. and not at all easy to break into when most of the BDSM clubs stayed underground. If anything, it's easier today because of the readily available information, the many munches and educational functions.. etc.
Here's a profile where it's just plain funny to see the difference between what it says and WHAT it says....Huh? Wait....
This is a 99 female switch from Washington and here's the first paragraph of the profile as written..
"First off this girl's Dom reads her profile so,Doms will be sent to bulk.. this is a message from her Dom."
Okay, that's what it says.. but let's rewrite that for what it really SAYS, eh?
"This girl belongs to me, Master CockJockey. I monitor this girl's profile and will send all messages from other Doms to bulk because like I don't share and stuff and I don't trust her to do as I say and not talk to other Doms so i've taken matters into my own hands and will not take any chances."
Oh okay, that was too easy.
Especially after seeing this journal from a 47 female switch in California. The journal is a couple of years old so you may have seen this... if not, fasten your seatbelts.
"The D/s BS Translator:
1. "Your submission is a precious gift - it should not be given
lightly." [Translation: So how about you stop putting out all over
town?]
2. "My role is to help you identify then stretch your limits"
[Translation: limits schmimits....let's do what I like for a change.]
3. "My pet, you seem to be struggling with your submission - that is a
natural feeling." [Translation: Any more smart ass back chat from you
and you'll be kicked to the curb.]
4. "You seem troubled my pet. We should talk." [Translation: Your
sulking is giving me the shits.]
5. "You are so wonderfully responsive" [Translation: You wail like a
banshee and move around so much I want to hit every major
organ....including your brain.]
6. "It is only in being owned that you will ever be completely free."
[Translation: I need some shmuck to give up his own life to wait on me
hand and foot without payment.]
7. "I have 20 years experience" [Translation: 20 years ago I tied
someone to the bed and last week I tried it again.]
8. "For me, the ritual of aftercare is the most important part of our scene"
[Translation: Because that is when you stagger off to get me a drink.]
9. "A true Dom has humility and never stops learning." [Translation:
Yeah, so I fucked up again: don't give me that accusing look, you big
sook.]
10. "I never, ever strike in anger." [Translation: It just feels that
way when you give me shit.]
11. It is time we explored polyamory together." [Translation: It is
time I bonked other people. You can help me pick them up and be my
excuse to get rid of them afterward]
12. "I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very private
person." [Translation: I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a
very married person.]
13. "I trained as a Domina in Europe in my early 20s." [Translation: I
had a kinky shag when backpacking around Europe after Uni.]
14. "SM? Don't think of it as pain. Think of it as intense sensation."
[Translation: This is going to hurt like hell, but I am almost certain
a big man like is going to be too proud to safeword and stop the party.]
15. "You can only be a truly successful Dominant if you have
submitted." [Translation: I want you to sub to me, and that sounds
like a legit reason you might actually consider it.]
16. "You must master your own life before you can master another's."
[Translation: You need to have a 20-thousand square foot house and be
pulling down at least 250k a year or the deal's are all off buddy. As
a sub, I need to be accommodated in the style I would like to become
accustomed to.]
17."I have no limits." [Translation: Until you go beyond what is legal
so I can have you charged, convicted and sue you to live the rest of
my life off the proceeds]
18. "That's not a Dom--that's a control freak." [Translation: Get rid
of that guy I wanna be your Dom cuz I hear you give good head.]
19. "All Dommes need is to find the right man." [Translation: Cuz I'm IT!]
20. "You aren't sub enough." [Translation: I can't handle a guy with a
mind of his own without resorting to cheap manipulation.]
21. "You're not submissive enough." [Translation: Because you won't
quit your management job, move to Nebraska today and give me oral sex
on the off-hand promise I might actually start a relationship with you.]
22. "You're not Dominant Enough" [Translation: You're no fun. You
won't maim me permanently and it's always been my biggest fantasy.]
The D/s BS Translator for Online Profiles:
23. "I'm service-oriented." [Translation: I hope the dumb sap falls
for this so he'll let me clean his place and I can snoop through his
shit.]
24. "I'm under consideration." [Translation: I'm chasing someone.]
25. "I've been released." [Translation: I've been dumped.]
26. "I am a true dom/sub." [Translation: You're a phony if you aren't
just like me.]
27. "I am a bratty sub." [Translation: I am a pain in the ass.]
28. "I will bend you to my will." [Translation: I am insane.]
29. "I am a submissive with slave tendencies." [Translation: Pick me
because I'm pretending to be subbier (or better) than a regular
submissive.]
31. "I am seeking my One." [Translation: Someone out there must have
dysfunctions which are compatible with mine.]
32. "I'm trained." [Translation: I will drive you nuts doing exactly
what my last master wanted.]
33. "I am a 24/7 slave, online only." [Translation: I am a bored housewife.]
34. "I'm strict but fair." [Translation: I'm always right, you're
always wrong, and I'll beat you whenever you're right and I don't want
to admit it.]
35. "I am a trainer of sluts." [Translation: I'm looking for girls
who will believe they are being "trained" when I order them to blow me.]
36. "Looking for a sub/slave/girl to join us." [Translation (when
posted by a sub/slave/girl): I am much too lazy to clean the house and
I need a work horse. Translation (when posted by the dominant): I need
a backup fuck for when she's mad at me. Bonus points if you'll take my
side in the argument.]"
Heh, so much for this blog.. that journal says it all. *laughing*.
And now for a little humor injected into the blog, this is a 44 dominant in the UK.. Check the profile..
"A little pissed off with this women saying there into certain things and really they dont have a clue what bdsm is."
Now... the profile picture? Oh yeah, it's of a guy in a Darth Vader costume.. I'm just sayin'!!!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Typing is going to be a bit difficult for me in the next few weeks. I was at the gym taking a Zumba class when my knee gave out and down I went... Apparently I tried to break the fall with my hands and whelp... bad idea, broken bones in my right hand....(I said apparently because it happened so fast I don't remember.) Yeah, I don't have a kneecap in one of my knees so it's prone to just give out at random times, and this time it was when I was in the middle of a thrust... First time I actually got hurt though. Now I know, I know it's not a good idea to break your fall with your hands but the brain sees a large hard object heading your way. (The ground) and the hands automatically shoot out. And errrr, i've yet to master that whole failing to miss the ground bit when trying to fly.
Soooooo.. i'm sitting in the emergency room with my hand throbbing and the triage nurse is sitting there bitching because she's having trouble spelling some of the medications i'm on.. I'm like "fuck you, just get it close and let me see a fucking doctor already!" Heheh, yeah I laugh at myself about shit like this.. Or rather I will when the fucking thing stops hurting.
That reminds me, people in the medical profession.. (EMS people in particular) who are into "medical BDSM" really scare the shit out of me. There were a couple such people who were a part of group I used to belong to.. These two would start discussing cases and you could see the gleam in their eyes.. I stayed the fuck away from them. No no no.. That's taking job satisfaction a little too far...
Oh yes, and when you nurses are trying to take blood and you keep missing the vein.. it's not MY fucking fault!! "rolling veins" or "collapsed veins" .. "alligator skin.." How come there's always that one person in the office who can hit the vein first time, every time? huh? huh? huh?
And please, no sympathy messages... Err and any requests for pictures of the cast/splint better be accompanied by plenty of cash.. (Eh, kidding... kidding...)
Oh if you've never done Zumba I highly recommend it. It's high energy and a lot of fun to do. It sure beats the hell out of the damned nautilus circuit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsSrq3HBa7A&feature=related
Right then, here we go into the profiles..
This is another of those assmunchers who is pretending to be a military guy.. This one's name on CollarMe is masterjaz and is a 27 dominant in California.... Here's his line of shit...
"Hi, I saw your profile and would like to get to know you. I have been in the lifestyle since I was 18. I spent the past 8 years in Iraq doing 4 tours of duty and only got back 5 days ago. I'm currently in CA awaiting my release orders and will be returning to LA once the processing is completed.
Heres a lil about me that would possibly explain my character and identity as a dominant. I was kicked outta home when I was 15, basically cause it was difficult at home and i ended up living on the streets for 2 years, eating off bins and finding shelter wherever I could. This period in my life taught me a big lesson about security and being assertive, as its a very dangerous world out there, esp on your own as a 15 year old. I learned to look after myself, fight for my survival and I believe was the starting point of my evolution as a dominant male, although I strong believe I've always had that characteristic trait within me. At 17, I was introduced to the Army, who were initiating a recruitment drive for homeless/uneducated kids, to be trained, given an education and also a situation which they provided shelter and food. It was the best thing for me and hence, I enlisted.
The was a proviso though, 2 tours in Iraq. I ended up doing 4 tours which gave me the ability to also continually study and specialize, I have a masters degree in counter terrorism and am a counter insurgence specialist. I am a warrior at heart. I am true to myself and my desires, a very straight forward person. As for my search for a female who I could call my better half, in this lifestyle. I cannot see myself with any vanilla girl. I have desires, needs and wants that cannot be satisfied by females outside this lifestyle.
I'm being straight up, I'm a provider and protector and this would emulate my need for a female who believes in herself as a true sub or interested in learning, we could grow together, thats my motto. Looking for someone who is the same, in the hope that it could develop into a long term relationship. Thats pretty much me in a nutshell."
Oh, this one is FUNNY though... It's funny because i'm going to show you the epic failsauce of this clown..
First, the first photo on his profile is from one of those beefcake websites, gorgeousboys I think it was.. Right, and then the person he chose to use his pictures is a marine reservist and not in the army as jazzy here claims.. Nor has he ever been deployed to a combat zone as our hero here claims he has.. ummmm..
Hold on, hold on, this gets good.. You see the person on the website (The actual person in the photo) is the very same person who in 2009 beat a Greek Orthodox Priest with a tire iron when the man who could barely speak English, was asking for directions. This happened in Tampa and the man's name is Jasen Bruce. Look up that name on google after you've checked out this asshole's profile... And errr.. feel free to raz his ass while you're at it.
More about that tire iron bit.. At first Bruce said he thought the man said Allahu Akbar (God is great) which Bruce said, "That's what they say before they blow you up." Later, Bruce changed his story and said the priest was trying to hit on him and grabbed his goodies, using the "gay panic" defense... But that's off point here..
This one is funny because of the person our hero masterjaz is pretending to be on collarme... Epic fail.
This next one is kind of cute and a bit funny.. This is a 19 dominant in Utah and I swear, he's spent time reading profiles of dominants.. he HAD to have because.. Well let's look at his profile..
"I might be young, but I am fit to command!!
I'm not fake...I'm totally honest. I will not play games!!!! I am serious!!!
I'm new here looking for my future partner. I'm 19; I may be young and look underage. I'm going to College for film and arts. I don't really know what to say but if you want to know anything just ask? I'd love to talk to everyone and get to know you if possible! Do not confuse my compassionate nature as a weakness... I'm honest and true to myself and not really good with first impression message!!!!
I'm looking for my future!! Not ever going to be a femboy!!!
PM me or live chat I don't care if you do.
If you want to talk on yahoo or live messenger… Message me!"
Mmmm, he's wrong about one thing though... Dress him up in a skirt and feed a nice 8 inch strap-on up his butt and he'll squeal just like a little girl.. Never gonna be a femboy huh?
Another kid who looks like he should be playing third base on a little league team trying to play dom on the internet. :-P Eh, he's a cutie though.
Here's a submissive who took a well aimed shot at some dommes in one of her journals, and it made me giggle to read.. I must pass it along.. This is a 21 female submissive in Canada and here's the journal..
"i have just finished reading about 6 profiles with rants of various lengths on them warning people against 'wasting My precious time with' (pick one) short messages, long messages, messages without a picture, messages that use internet shorthand, messages that don't use proper terminology, messages that dont have tribute attached...and the list goes on.
The vast majority of these profiles belong to Dommes...i guess us subbies dont mind having our time wasted, haha! Anyway...an observation...if You have time to come on collarme at ALL..You have time to waste...lol....oppss...sorry...damm internet shorthand... "
Oh SNAP! You tell em! Of course you know the Dommes are gonna come right back at you with the fact that since you're sub it doesn't matter about your time, because they're like the Domme, yanno? Heh, good one though.
Ahh and this just in.. I knew that sooner or later someone was gonna post a profile with the stated goal of starting a new country.. We've already read about the Amazonian Templars and the New Spartans.. But this one.. errrr.. It was sent to me like ummm.... just now.. here it is....
This is a 21 female dominant in Washington....
"Hi, my name is Kelly. Nice to meet you.
I am a beautiful goddess and deserve to be worshiped and adored by all. Men, women, dominant, submissive, you all ought to be on your knees before the almighty Kelly!
I am looking for lots of people, because I am trying to start my own country. Even my own personal country (it will be called "Kellyrike") isn't near what a girl of my beauty and intelligence deserves, but it would be a nice start.
There isn't enough room for my country though, because the greedy twats who run the world already divided it up. So my plan is to take the nation of Antigua and Barbuda and declare it mine. "Wait a second, Kelly, that's absurd!" you may be thinking. I'm pleased to tell you that it is not. Antigua and Barbuda has one of the smallest and most ill-financed militaries in the world, mainly because nobody even knows where the fuck it is so it's pretty safe.
I am looking to build an army to help me overthrow the silly country. I fully expect most of you to join my army and become slaves to my will. I am your commander, queen and goddess and you will worship me and obey my every order.
If any of you stupid fucks want to mess with me, I will get my revenge, if word of this effort gets out to the Antigua and Barbudan government or the U.S. government, you will suffer for it.
Also, this is completely legal. The constitution doesn't have a "no private armies" clause, that's a common myth.
I am a strong believer in female supremacy. Men have always bothered me ever since I was a little girl, they think they're so much better than us. How stupid can you get? When I establish Kellyrike, girls will have positions of authority, while boys will be peasants and soldiers. Only the most worthy boys will be even considered for positions in the government.
If you are ready to seek higher meaning in your life and submit to the future queen of the world, send me a message and I will tell you what you can do for me and how you can join my noble cause."
I swear if I didn't know any better i'd say I wrote this profile myself.. But nope, can't take credit for this one.
Eh, i'm up much too late.. Off to post this and then off to make sleepy night-night.
Soooooo.. i'm sitting in the emergency room with my hand throbbing and the triage nurse is sitting there bitching because she's having trouble spelling some of the medications i'm on.. I'm like "fuck you, just get it close and let me see a fucking doctor already!" Heheh, yeah I laugh at myself about shit like this.. Or rather I will when the fucking thing stops hurting.
That reminds me, people in the medical profession.. (EMS people in particular) who are into "medical BDSM" really scare the shit out of me. There were a couple such people who were a part of group I used to belong to.. These two would start discussing cases and you could see the gleam in their eyes.. I stayed the fuck away from them. No no no.. That's taking job satisfaction a little too far...
Oh yes, and when you nurses are trying to take blood and you keep missing the vein.. it's not MY fucking fault!! "rolling veins" or "collapsed veins" .. "alligator skin.." How come there's always that one person in the office who can hit the vein first time, every time? huh? huh? huh?
And please, no sympathy messages... Err and any requests for pictures of the cast/splint better be accompanied by plenty of cash.. (Eh, kidding... kidding...)
Oh if you've never done Zumba I highly recommend it. It's high energy and a lot of fun to do. It sure beats the hell out of the damned nautilus circuit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsSrq3HBa7A&feature=related
Right then, here we go into the profiles..
This is another of those assmunchers who is pretending to be a military guy.. This one's name on CollarMe is masterjaz and is a 27 dominant in California.... Here's his line of shit...
"Hi, I saw your profile and would like to get to know you. I have been in the lifestyle since I was 18. I spent the past 8 years in Iraq doing 4 tours of duty and only got back 5 days ago. I'm currently in CA awaiting my release orders and will be returning to LA once the processing is completed.
Heres a lil about me that would possibly explain my character and identity as a dominant. I was kicked outta home when I was 15, basically cause it was difficult at home and i ended up living on the streets for 2 years, eating off bins and finding shelter wherever I could. This period in my life taught me a big lesson about security and being assertive, as its a very dangerous world out there, esp on your own as a 15 year old. I learned to look after myself, fight for my survival and I believe was the starting point of my evolution as a dominant male, although I strong believe I've always had that characteristic trait within me. At 17, I was introduced to the Army, who were initiating a recruitment drive for homeless/uneducated kids, to be trained, given an education and also a situation which they provided shelter and food. It was the best thing for me and hence, I enlisted.
The was a proviso though, 2 tours in Iraq. I ended up doing 4 tours which gave me the ability to also continually study and specialize, I have a masters degree in counter terrorism and am a counter insurgence specialist. I am a warrior at heart. I am true to myself and my desires, a very straight forward person. As for my search for a female who I could call my better half, in this lifestyle. I cannot see myself with any vanilla girl. I have desires, needs and wants that cannot be satisfied by females outside this lifestyle.
I'm being straight up, I'm a provider and protector and this would emulate my need for a female who believes in herself as a true sub or interested in learning, we could grow together, thats my motto. Looking for someone who is the same, in the hope that it could develop into a long term relationship. Thats pretty much me in a nutshell."
Oh, this one is FUNNY though... It's funny because i'm going to show you the epic failsauce of this clown..
First, the first photo on his profile is from one of those beefcake websites, gorgeousboys I think it was.. Right, and then the person he chose to use his pictures is a marine reservist and not in the army as jazzy here claims.. Nor has he ever been deployed to a combat zone as our hero here claims he has.. ummmm..
Hold on, hold on, this gets good.. You see the person on the website (The actual person in the photo) is the very same person who in 2009 beat a Greek Orthodox Priest with a tire iron when the man who could barely speak English, was asking for directions. This happened in Tampa and the man's name is Jasen Bruce. Look up that name on google after you've checked out this asshole's profile... And errr.. feel free to raz his ass while you're at it.
More about that tire iron bit.. At first Bruce said he thought the man said Allahu Akbar (God is great) which Bruce said, "That's what they say before they blow you up." Later, Bruce changed his story and said the priest was trying to hit on him and grabbed his goodies, using the "gay panic" defense... But that's off point here..
This one is funny because of the person our hero masterjaz is pretending to be on collarme... Epic fail.
This next one is kind of cute and a bit funny.. This is a 19 dominant in Utah and I swear, he's spent time reading profiles of dominants.. he HAD to have because.. Well let's look at his profile..
"I might be young, but I am fit to command!!
I'm not fake...I'm totally honest. I will not play games!!!! I am serious!!!
I'm new here looking for my future partner. I'm 19; I may be young and look underage. I'm going to College for film and arts. I don't really know what to say but if you want to know anything just ask? I'd love to talk to everyone and get to know you if possible! Do not confuse my compassionate nature as a weakness... I'm honest and true to myself and not really good with first impression message!!!!
I'm looking for my future!! Not ever going to be a femboy!!!
PM me or live chat I don't care if you do.
If you want to talk on yahoo or live messenger… Message me!"
Mmmm, he's wrong about one thing though... Dress him up in a skirt and feed a nice 8 inch strap-on up his butt and he'll squeal just like a little girl.. Never gonna be a femboy huh?
Another kid who looks like he should be playing third base on a little league team trying to play dom on the internet. :-P Eh, he's a cutie though.
Here's a submissive who took a well aimed shot at some dommes in one of her journals, and it made me giggle to read.. I must pass it along.. This is a 21 female submissive in Canada and here's the journal..
"i have just finished reading about 6 profiles with rants of various lengths on them warning people against 'wasting My precious time with' (pick one) short messages, long messages, messages without a picture, messages that use internet shorthand, messages that don't use proper terminology, messages that dont have tribute attached...and the list goes on.
The vast majority of these profiles belong to Dommes...i guess us subbies dont mind having our time wasted, haha! Anyway...an observation...if You have time to come on collarme at ALL..You have time to waste...lol....oppss...sorry...damm internet shorthand... "
Oh SNAP! You tell em! Of course you know the Dommes are gonna come right back at you with the fact that since you're sub it doesn't matter about your time, because they're like the Domme, yanno? Heh, good one though.
Ahh and this just in.. I knew that sooner or later someone was gonna post a profile with the stated goal of starting a new country.. We've already read about the Amazonian Templars and the New Spartans.. But this one.. errrr.. It was sent to me like ummm.... just now.. here it is....
This is a 21 female dominant in Washington....
"Hi, my name is Kelly. Nice to meet you.
I am a beautiful goddess and deserve to be worshiped and adored by all. Men, women, dominant, submissive, you all ought to be on your knees before the almighty Kelly!
I am looking for lots of people, because I am trying to start my own country. Even my own personal country (it will be called "Kellyrike") isn't near what a girl of my beauty and intelligence deserves, but it would be a nice start.
There isn't enough room for my country though, because the greedy twats who run the world already divided it up. So my plan is to take the nation of Antigua and Barbuda and declare it mine. "Wait a second, Kelly, that's absurd!" you may be thinking. I'm pleased to tell you that it is not. Antigua and Barbuda has one of the smallest and most ill-financed militaries in the world, mainly because nobody even knows where the fuck it is so it's pretty safe.
I am looking to build an army to help me overthrow the silly country. I fully expect most of you to join my army and become slaves to my will. I am your commander, queen and goddess and you will worship me and obey my every order.
If any of you stupid fucks want to mess with me, I will get my revenge, if word of this effort gets out to the Antigua and Barbudan government or the U.S. government, you will suffer for it.
Also, this is completely legal. The constitution doesn't have a "no private armies" clause, that's a common myth.
I am a strong believer in female supremacy. Men have always bothered me ever since I was a little girl, they think they're so much better than us. How stupid can you get? When I establish Kellyrike, girls will have positions of authority, while boys will be peasants and soldiers. Only the most worthy boys will be even considered for positions in the government.
If you are ready to seek higher meaning in your life and submit to the future queen of the world, send me a message and I will tell you what you can do for me and how you can join my noble cause."
I swear if I didn't know any better i'd say I wrote this profile myself.. But nope, can't take credit for this one.
Eh, i'm up much too late.. Off to post this and then off to make sleepy night-night.
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