This is improbabilty fully explained and the creation of a machine to manipulate it.
"The principle of generating small amounts of FINITE improbability by simply hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeney 57 Sub-Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer (Say a nice hot cup of tea) were of course well understood...and such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneouly one foot to the left, in accordance with the Theory of Indetermincy.
Many respectable physicists said that they weren't going to stand for this, patly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sorts of parties.
Another thing they couldn't stand was the perpetual failure they encountered in trying to construct a machine which could generate the INFINITE improbability field needed to flip a spaceship across the mind-paralysing distances between the farthest stars and in the end they grumpily announced such a machine was virtually impossible.
Then one day a student who had been left to sweep up the lab after a particularly unsuccessful party found himself reasoning this way...
"If," he thought to himself, "such a machine is a VIRTUAL impossibility, then it must logically be a FINITE improbability. So all I have to do in order to make one is to work out exactly how improbable it is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give it a fresh cup of really hot tea...and turn it on!"
He did this, and was rather startled to discover that he had managed to create the long-sought-after golden Infinite Improbability generator out of thin air.
It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galatic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really could not stand was a smart-ass."
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Pg. 85-86.
Hey! If you goreans can quote parts of those gor novels I can quote passages from MY lifestyle books!! So bow down to Douglas Adams, bitches!
By it's very definiton my profile IS fake seeing as I am not the 24 year old hottie in that picture.(But then again, i'm sure most of you have guessed that aleady) So it's getting to be the time to reveal who the real person is behind the UltimateDomme and use my "real" profile for this purpose.
Ah, not doing it just yet but i'll give you a clue and if someone finds me on CM i'll remove the veil and post here who I really am, and give the person to find me a shout out.
This doesn't mean the blog is going away, far from it. I intend to keep this up for as long as it continues to be entertaining. It's gotten this far and i'm still at it... So on we go.
Soooooo... the clues to finding the person who is behind the UltimateDomme name..
My name suggests I live IN the water, but the truth is I live in a place that two major bodies of water are on the coastline. I am 24 with the same amount of years experience being 24.. I've also been mentioned in this blog but not by name, only by state.
That's it.. i'll be waiting to be found..
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Dominant, Submissive, Master, Slave, Kinkster, Switch, Sadist, Masochist, Top, Bottom, Training Master, Mentor, Humilitrix, Submissive with Switch or Slave traits, Goreans, Old Guard, take one from column A and one from column B..have I left any out?
I swear, with how so many people are hung up on what labels to use for themselves and others it makes me wonder how these people ever have any time to actually BE who they say they are. Seriously, if you get together with someone and you click, why the fuck does it even matter what labels you use to describe each other? You click? You're happy with that person? Good, then stop trying to define the fucking thing with labels and just enjoy it... You spend too much time trying to define yourself with terms and it starts to look like you're playing to the peanut gallery and not your partner.
But it's funny to see those profiles of the people who took some BDSM test and posted the results of the test on their profiles.. Oh you've seen them, "I scored.. sadist 86%..." etc.
And those of you who call yourself a leader when in your profile and journals are things like that "I am a dominant man" or "The dominant's creed" or any of that castle realm stuff.. Errr, how can you call yourself a leader when you're not even using your own words on a damned online profile? What that does is make you a follower, not a leader.
I had a scathingly brilliant idea the other day. I had this idea of hooking up with good old Santa Claus to get his list of naughty boys and girls around the world. You know the jolly one is only passing out lumps of coal so I figured i'd help him out and perhaps see to it that list is shorter next year, scathingly brilliant, yes?
Yeah, except I apparently ain't the only one who had this particular idea. Uh huh, I find the dude sitting in his workshop abusing.. errrr I mean supervising the elves and when I asked him about it he just rolled his eyes at me, and asked where I lived. When I told him he goes to his computer (Santa has some kick ass internet access, by the way) and after a few keystrokes three or four pages print out the printer, which he handed to me.
"Wait, there are only like 100 names here," I told him.
"Yeah no shit," said Santa. "With the amount of helpers I have for this task, there are only so many naughty ones to go around." (Yes, he said `no shit'. He was also sitting there with a bong and a bic lighter but I didn't think people would want to think of St. Nick as a stoner, heh.)
Okay, so maybe my idea wasn't so original after all.. But still brilliant don't you think?
Well, I went and got me a suit to wear while making my rounds with my list of 100 naughty ones. It kinda sorta looks like a santa outfit but it's black instead of red and the boots have stiletto heels.
ANYWAY, for that 23 year old naughty girl who gave the wrong phone number to that guy chatting you up at the club... I'll be visiting you on the morning of the 25th, oh yes.
And YOU, that 32 year old bad boy who told that girl that you were a record producer, i'll be seeing you too.
For the 21 on my list who don't celebrate Christmas and think you're in the clear.. Think again. I'll just get to you on other days beside the 25th.
Oh yeah, that 38 year old guy who decided to play a round of golf on Yom Kippur, I've got a special surprise for YOU... Heheheh
On that note let's get to the profiles.. and this is going to be a little different. We're going to have a look at some profiles of people who just don't take all of this BDSM-D/s stuff so seriously.
Like this one.. a 23 female sub in Georgia who appears to be a submissive version of ME.. So that makes her A-OK in my book... Check out this bit from her profile..
"If you refer to yourself in the third person, capitalize all pronouns relating to yourself and have a shit-fit when anyone into "the lifestyle" breaks protocol, don't message me. I'm a sub who likes rough sex and the right kind of pain. After sex I want a fucking cigarette and want to watch Family Guy over a couple of beers. If you'd rather stroke my hair and call my your little girl while criticizing me for not pleading the right way, fuck off."
I love it.. "Spank my ass a bit, fuck me hard while you pull my hair, get me a fucking beer and turn on the TV. Don't wanna watch TV with me? Then go home."
I know... I know.. There are those of you sitting there going, "Well that's not a sub at all with all those demands." Yeah, well who cares?
Here's a 36 dominant from Texas whose profile starts... "*LADIES PLEASE READ MY PROFILE BEFORE MESSAGING ME. I'M NOT JUST A SEX OBJECT*".... And then it gets funny.. As a point of interest, do the ladies out there see how silly that looks and sounds?
This profile is an entertaining read and instead of quoting different bits of it, i'm just going to tell you his name is "fitguytx" and urge you all to give this profile a look and enjoy.
Eh, he's rather impatient though.. Someone told him to check my shit out because they thought it was funnier than his profile, so he sends me a message saying, "Damn you, it's funnier than mine!"
So I of course read his and liked it, asked if he minded if I used it in my blog. (Yes, I have done that on occasion, but only when I don't intend to make fun of that person.)
Right then, he says that's cool and wanted to be notified when it was posted to which I said it would be posted on Monday.
Heheh, not good enough for him it seems.. He wanted it done faster.. Ahh, he was joking and relented when I said it takes some time to come up with this shit..
SOOOOOOO, here it is, delivered when promised. Oh and if you score a new submissive or two because of this, don't forget me, eh?
Our submissive with the "gotta send me a giftcard" sent me a message saying that bit has been the greatest limitus test ever.. Just after she sent me an exchange she had with someone... This one is rather weird..
"slayerofable:
so what you really mean is you are a broke whore not just ugly you are the worst thing about this world
sojewtastic:
A good fable would be about a spider who goes into this guy’s apartment and the guy gets really angry and decides to spray the spider to death with bug spray, but he accidentally uses hair spray and so the spider ends up looking really sharp and then gets a job someplace that the guy was trying all week to get a job at.
slayerofable:
How dumb you are you thought slayer o fable. Ha slayer of able as in kain in the bible hun you can never hope to be on my level. I have women pay for my time and controle this is my job but you are nasty scaming old guys out of their retierment
sojewtastic:
Do you ever wish you went to the bathroom and instead of pee a bunch of dust came out because you were dead and your body had already decomposed? Or do you ever wish you were a hundred pounds skinnier because you had died and been cremated? Or do you ever wish you went to the doctor and he was like, "The test came back empty because you were never alive in the first place"? N-E way, just wondering.
slayerofable:
how many caps did you eat i have to know or have you started to main line
sojewtastic:
OK, one last question: Do you ever wish you woke up in a grave and had bugs for eyes and worms for hands? OK, and this really is the last one, I swear, but do you ever wish that instead of getting dressed in the morning you could just roll out of bed and clatter to the floor in a pile of bones?
slayerofable:
I get it you are tryin to be deep and creepy a pathetic atempt to scare or intimidate. Can i ask do you see how stupid you make your self to be. Hun you could never scare me once you have cut a mans femeral artery and watched him beeld out then desolive his boddy in a bath tube of draino thinking he would just drain away but find his kindy stone in the tube after pulling the plug but dont panick because they will blend in with your gravle
Umm, you've GOT to check out this slayrofable cat's profile.. I tell you it's pure gold. (He rather is taken with the idea of breaking dommes.) Oh and if you ever see a kidney stone that's big enough to see in a tub without a magnifying glass, get pictures and contact the Guiness Book of World Records people.
This next one isn't a profile, but a series of profiles. I first caught this over the summer and it was of a 46 female submissive in the UK. In her profile, she speaks of her daughter an how she's not heard a word from her in ages.. Well, there is more to story but this woman is offering herself as a prize for helping her get in touch with her daughter.. Uh huh, now she even gives you a road map to find her daughter (Uh, giving us the daughter's CM name)..
SOOOOOOO.. You go read the daughter's profile and of course she is aware of her mother looking for her and tells her side of the story as to why she does not contact her mother.. It seems as if mom was hitting on her boyfriend.. etc.
Yeah, those profiles were deleted and soon another set of profiles pops up with a different story and the same basic theme.
Last week I see this person is back.. NOW the daughter is living at home and she is offering her services as a submissive and as an added bonus, the right to take a shot at her daughter.
I don't know who is actually behind these profiles, but they're funny as hell.
On the other side of that spectrum is a profile that is labeled a 48 female submissive in Florida.. But here's the profile.
"This is a profile bout my mom. She's not aware of this...
Im her son, 24y old.
Mom is 48y, 5'8'', 130lbs, blonde, green eyes, busty 36C, married, mom of one, elem. school teacher... ANYONE WHO WANTS A REAL NASTY TALK BOUT HER, CONTACT ME IF U WILL"
Uh huh, Oedipus complex for the win?
Here's one from a 32 dominant in Kansas.. His entire profile is about what he expects from you as his slave... They're pretty funny as well.. here are a couple.
"2. A sub/slave should always obey her master as long as he is her true master. That means a true master will not push or take his sub/slave were she can not follow."
Umm, if she's with you what the fuck else would you be, you silly dipshit? And exactly what the fuck does that second sentence have to do with the first?
Okay, here's one of this guy's journal entries.
"Ok had some one ask me if I would train a slave for them. Just in that statment alone it is funny. What kind of Master or dom wants others to train what they own. What a joke they must be. Second he started to tell me how worthless females are. An how you have to abuse them to get them to obey. I know some out there like that and i know some submissives are no better then to be treated as such. But to just assume all are like that well just tells you how sad some of these doms are. An those that think you controle through fear or her body have no idea in what they are doing. You controle her through her mind you understand how she thinks and if you are really good you know what she thinks before she says anything. An then you can truly controle her.
If you have to brain wash her or brake her to controle her then again you are doing things wrong. Only the weak rule through fear. An only the dumb have to brake there toys to be able to play with them."
I'm NOT going to comment on all the spelling errors but again it's just funny to see them while talking about "the dumb" and the things they do.
Dude no one asked you to train a slave for them, ya liar. But you're right about one thing.. If anyone read your profile and DID contact you about training a slave for them, they'd be one dumb mother fucker for doing so. No really, if I were looking for someone to train a slave for me, you'd be way, WAY down on the bottom of the list.
And one more.. this one is ummm.. interesting to say the least.. This is a 37 dominant in Ontario, Canada and this cat says what he does is break the "cumming record" of women all over the globe. Ya see, he has a secret method he thought of, yep.. yep.. Here's one particular boast..
"Woman who have experience with forced electrical clitoral stimulation, you probably would not have your record broken by me. I have made one of my pets cum 200 times in a 2 hour session with the aid of a very effective 'toy', though that was a treat to one of my pets who was a loyal and proper-behaved pet for a considerable amount of time."
Yep, you read that right.. Two hundred orgasms in the space of 2 hours.. let's seeeeeeee.. that's an orgasm every 36 seconds... for two hours... err, right.
I don't think it's possible to even FAKE 200 orgasms in that kind of time frame. Anyway, imma help this fella out and teach him the art of the lie..
Ya see, the key to telling a good lie is to make the fucking thing believable. Now had you said 20 or even 30 in two hours that may have worked for your purpose, but 200? No fucking way.
And this in the beginning.. "I break the cumming records of women from countries across the globe from afar with the very effective secrets I thought of."
Really, it's rather sad to think that with the Kama Sutra and all those other methods for inducing orgasm the REAL secrets to multiples lie with this one dipshit in Canada.. Too bad he's lying his ass off, eh? But seeing as he does this from "afar", I wonder if the big secret is he's not actually there? Hmmm.
His journal entries are funny too, he hits back at people who've messaged him to call bullshit.
This note before I go, Jim Morrison has offically been pardoned by the Clemency Board of Florida. Thumbs up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDN9y2vTdUs&feature=related
I swear, with how so many people are hung up on what labels to use for themselves and others it makes me wonder how these people ever have any time to actually BE who they say they are. Seriously, if you get together with someone and you click, why the fuck does it even matter what labels you use to describe each other? You click? You're happy with that person? Good, then stop trying to define the fucking thing with labels and just enjoy it... You spend too much time trying to define yourself with terms and it starts to look like you're playing to the peanut gallery and not your partner.
But it's funny to see those profiles of the people who took some BDSM test and posted the results of the test on their profiles.. Oh you've seen them, "I scored.. sadist 86%..." etc.
And those of you who call yourself a leader when in your profile and journals are things like that "I am a dominant man" or "The dominant's creed" or any of that castle realm stuff.. Errr, how can you call yourself a leader when you're not even using your own words on a damned online profile? What that does is make you a follower, not a leader.
I had a scathingly brilliant idea the other day. I had this idea of hooking up with good old Santa Claus to get his list of naughty boys and girls around the world. You know the jolly one is only passing out lumps of coal so I figured i'd help him out and perhaps see to it that list is shorter next year, scathingly brilliant, yes?
Yeah, except I apparently ain't the only one who had this particular idea. Uh huh, I find the dude sitting in his workshop abusing.. errrr I mean supervising the elves and when I asked him about it he just rolled his eyes at me, and asked where I lived. When I told him he goes to his computer (Santa has some kick ass internet access, by the way) and after a few keystrokes three or four pages print out the printer, which he handed to me.
"Wait, there are only like 100 names here," I told him.
"Yeah no shit," said Santa. "With the amount of helpers I have for this task, there are only so many naughty ones to go around." (Yes, he said `no shit'. He was also sitting there with a bong and a bic lighter but I didn't think people would want to think of St. Nick as a stoner, heh.)
Okay, so maybe my idea wasn't so original after all.. But still brilliant don't you think?
Well, I went and got me a suit to wear while making my rounds with my list of 100 naughty ones. It kinda sorta looks like a santa outfit but it's black instead of red and the boots have stiletto heels.
ANYWAY, for that 23 year old naughty girl who gave the wrong phone number to that guy chatting you up at the club... I'll be visiting you on the morning of the 25th, oh yes.
And YOU, that 32 year old bad boy who told that girl that you were a record producer, i'll be seeing you too.
For the 21 on my list who don't celebrate Christmas and think you're in the clear.. Think again. I'll just get to you on other days beside the 25th.
Oh yeah, that 38 year old guy who decided to play a round of golf on Yom Kippur, I've got a special surprise for YOU... Heheheh
On that note let's get to the profiles.. and this is going to be a little different. We're going to have a look at some profiles of people who just don't take all of this BDSM-D/s stuff so seriously.
Like this one.. a 23 female sub in Georgia who appears to be a submissive version of ME.. So that makes her A-OK in my book... Check out this bit from her profile..
"If you refer to yourself in the third person, capitalize all pronouns relating to yourself and have a shit-fit when anyone into "the lifestyle" breaks protocol, don't message me. I'm a sub who likes rough sex and the right kind of pain. After sex I want a fucking cigarette and want to watch Family Guy over a couple of beers. If you'd rather stroke my hair and call my your little girl while criticizing me for not pleading the right way, fuck off."
I love it.. "Spank my ass a bit, fuck me hard while you pull my hair, get me a fucking beer and turn on the TV. Don't wanna watch TV with me? Then go home."
I know... I know.. There are those of you sitting there going, "Well that's not a sub at all with all those demands." Yeah, well who cares?
Here's a 36 dominant from Texas whose profile starts... "*LADIES PLEASE READ MY PROFILE BEFORE MESSAGING ME. I'M NOT JUST A SEX OBJECT*".... And then it gets funny.. As a point of interest, do the ladies out there see how silly that looks and sounds?
This profile is an entertaining read and instead of quoting different bits of it, i'm just going to tell you his name is "fitguytx" and urge you all to give this profile a look and enjoy.
Eh, he's rather impatient though.. Someone told him to check my shit out because they thought it was funnier than his profile, so he sends me a message saying, "Damn you, it's funnier than mine!"
So I of course read his and liked it, asked if he minded if I used it in my blog. (Yes, I have done that on occasion, but only when I don't intend to make fun of that person.)
Right then, he says that's cool and wanted to be notified when it was posted to which I said it would be posted on Monday.
Heheh, not good enough for him it seems.. He wanted it done faster.. Ahh, he was joking and relented when I said it takes some time to come up with this shit..
SOOOOOOO, here it is, delivered when promised. Oh and if you score a new submissive or two because of this, don't forget me, eh?
Our submissive with the "gotta send me a giftcard" sent me a message saying that bit has been the greatest limitus test ever.. Just after she sent me an exchange she had with someone... This one is rather weird..
"slayerofable:
so what you really mean is you are a broke whore not just ugly you are the worst thing about this world
sojewtastic:
A good fable would be about a spider who goes into this guy’s apartment and the guy gets really angry and decides to spray the spider to death with bug spray, but he accidentally uses hair spray and so the spider ends up looking really sharp and then gets a job someplace that the guy was trying all week to get a job at.
slayerofable:
How dumb you are you thought slayer o fable. Ha slayer of able as in kain in the bible hun you can never hope to be on my level. I have women pay for my time and controle this is my job but you are nasty scaming old guys out of their retierment
sojewtastic:
Do you ever wish you went to the bathroom and instead of pee a bunch of dust came out because you were dead and your body had already decomposed? Or do you ever wish you were a hundred pounds skinnier because you had died and been cremated? Or do you ever wish you went to the doctor and he was like, "The test came back empty because you were never alive in the first place"? N-E way, just wondering.
slayerofable:
how many caps did you eat i have to know or have you started to main line
sojewtastic:
OK, one last question: Do you ever wish you woke up in a grave and had bugs for eyes and worms for hands? OK, and this really is the last one, I swear, but do you ever wish that instead of getting dressed in the morning you could just roll out of bed and clatter to the floor in a pile of bones?
slayerofable:
I get it you are tryin to be deep and creepy a pathetic atempt to scare or intimidate. Can i ask do you see how stupid you make your self to be. Hun you could never scare me once you have cut a mans femeral artery and watched him beeld out then desolive his boddy in a bath tube of draino thinking he would just drain away but find his kindy stone in the tube after pulling the plug but dont panick because they will blend in with your gravle
Umm, you've GOT to check out this slayrofable cat's profile.. I tell you it's pure gold. (He rather is taken with the idea of breaking dommes.) Oh and if you ever see a kidney stone that's big enough to see in a tub without a magnifying glass, get pictures and contact the Guiness Book of World Records people.
This next one isn't a profile, but a series of profiles. I first caught this over the summer and it was of a 46 female submissive in the UK. In her profile, she speaks of her daughter an how she's not heard a word from her in ages.. Well, there is more to story but this woman is offering herself as a prize for helping her get in touch with her daughter.. Uh huh, now she even gives you a road map to find her daughter (Uh, giving us the daughter's CM name)..
SOOOOOOO.. You go read the daughter's profile and of course she is aware of her mother looking for her and tells her side of the story as to why she does not contact her mother.. It seems as if mom was hitting on her boyfriend.. etc.
Yeah, those profiles were deleted and soon another set of profiles pops up with a different story and the same basic theme.
Last week I see this person is back.. NOW the daughter is living at home and she is offering her services as a submissive and as an added bonus, the right to take a shot at her daughter.
I don't know who is actually behind these profiles, but they're funny as hell.
On the other side of that spectrum is a profile that is labeled a 48 female submissive in Florida.. But here's the profile.
"This is a profile bout my mom. She's not aware of this...
Im her son, 24y old.
Mom is 48y, 5'8'', 130lbs, blonde, green eyes, busty 36C, married, mom of one, elem. school teacher... ANYONE WHO WANTS A REAL NASTY TALK BOUT HER, CONTACT ME IF U WILL"
Uh huh, Oedipus complex for the win?
Here's one from a 32 dominant in Kansas.. His entire profile is about what he expects from you as his slave... They're pretty funny as well.. here are a couple.
"2. A sub/slave should always obey her master as long as he is her true master. That means a true master will not push or take his sub/slave were she can not follow."
Umm, if she's with you what the fuck else would you be, you silly dipshit? And exactly what the fuck does that second sentence have to do with the first?
Okay, here's one of this guy's journal entries.
"Ok had some one ask me if I would train a slave for them. Just in that statment alone it is funny. What kind of Master or dom wants others to train what they own. What a joke they must be. Second he started to tell me how worthless females are. An how you have to abuse them to get them to obey. I know some out there like that and i know some submissives are no better then to be treated as such. But to just assume all are like that well just tells you how sad some of these doms are. An those that think you controle through fear or her body have no idea in what they are doing. You controle her through her mind you understand how she thinks and if you are really good you know what she thinks before she says anything. An then you can truly controle her.
If you have to brain wash her or brake her to controle her then again you are doing things wrong. Only the weak rule through fear. An only the dumb have to brake there toys to be able to play with them."
I'm NOT going to comment on all the spelling errors but again it's just funny to see them while talking about "the dumb" and the things they do.
Dude no one asked you to train a slave for them, ya liar. But you're right about one thing.. If anyone read your profile and DID contact you about training a slave for them, they'd be one dumb mother fucker for doing so. No really, if I were looking for someone to train a slave for me, you'd be way, WAY down on the bottom of the list.
And one more.. this one is ummm.. interesting to say the least.. This is a 37 dominant in Ontario, Canada and this cat says what he does is break the "cumming record" of women all over the globe. Ya see, he has a secret method he thought of, yep.. yep.. Here's one particular boast..
"Woman who have experience with forced electrical clitoral stimulation, you probably would not have your record broken by me. I have made one of my pets cum 200 times in a 2 hour session with the aid of a very effective 'toy', though that was a treat to one of my pets who was a loyal and proper-behaved pet for a considerable amount of time."
Yep, you read that right.. Two hundred orgasms in the space of 2 hours.. let's seeeeeeee.. that's an orgasm every 36 seconds... for two hours... err, right.
I don't think it's possible to even FAKE 200 orgasms in that kind of time frame. Anyway, imma help this fella out and teach him the art of the lie..
Ya see, the key to telling a good lie is to make the fucking thing believable. Now had you said 20 or even 30 in two hours that may have worked for your purpose, but 200? No fucking way.
And this in the beginning.. "I break the cumming records of women from countries across the globe from afar with the very effective secrets I thought of."
Really, it's rather sad to think that with the Kama Sutra and all those other methods for inducing orgasm the REAL secrets to multiples lie with this one dipshit in Canada.. Too bad he's lying his ass off, eh? But seeing as he does this from "afar", I wonder if the big secret is he's not actually there? Hmmm.
His journal entries are funny too, he hits back at people who've messaged him to call bullshit.
This note before I go, Jim Morrison has offically been pardoned by the Clemency Board of Florida. Thumbs up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDN9y2vTdUs&feature=related
Monday, December 6, 2010
I've been at this blog thingy for about 4 months now and i'm always getting messages from new people every day with nice comments on the blog. I thank you all. (Okay, now i'm going to tell you that's been no bed of roses... No pleasure cruise...) Nah, it's a lot of fun to write this stuff and imma gonna keep on keepin' on at it for at least the forseeable future. (Pssst. that means I consider it a challenge before the whole human race.... or at least the people who regularily read this...)
Okay, i'll bet you can't guess what song is on my mind, can you?
A quick update on that assclown SlaveTransportCo... His profile is gone.
Ah right then, there is a 37 female dominant in the UK who has gotten some messages from dominants who want to convert her to sub. I've gotten those myself and it's always fun to rip those idiots and their egos to shreds... Umm, here's what this woman had to say about one in particular..
"Yesterday I had a flurry of mail off a "supposed" Dominant man. His mission,in life is, to convert me into a submissive female.
He went into great detail to tell me how he has envisaged me on my knees waiting for him to unzip his tight pants. I would be begging for his manhood and open my mouth like a good little girl.
What he didn't see in his vision ...was me biting down so hard on his wriggly worm that he needed to go to the hospital with it wrapped in an ice pack and his mummy telling him to stay away from "nasty" girls like me"
You've GOT to be careful where you stick those wriggly worms, fellas. You just never know.
Here's one from a 41 female dominant from the land down under. (Hey, I found a great classic rock station yesterday and all these great songs are played on there...) This one says she has one disobedient slave, and while she already has one she is always looking to add to her stable.
Uh huh, Now tell me...You already have one you obviously can't keep in line and you want more? How can you possibly hope to succeed with MORE when you already have that disobedient one. Get his ass in line and THEN go out looking for more.. don't leave the job half done.
Oh, she's posted (or rather had the slave post) the punishments she's given him.. Umm, here's a hint.. if he's still disobedient afterwards it means the fucking punishment ain't working.. So as aside, if the punishments DO involve fucking, umm, back to the drawing board with you.
Off we go.. into the wild blue yonder...
Ahem....
Here's a 25 female slave in Texas.. and umm, err, well here's the profile.
"My master wants to retire from the lifestyle and willing to releasing me out for an exchange and i am willing to relocate to any part of the world.If you are interested please contact me."
Wait, freeze!...
Umm, why the fuck wasn't I notified that there was a damned Dominant union where there are retirement benefits?
Ah anyway, I have to wonder what this retiring dom will take in exchange for this 25 year old slave.. hmmm.. perhaps a new video card for his computer, I mean what's the going rate nowadays? New blades for his lawn mower? WHAT dammit?
I'm not the only one posting this sort of stuff... I've been seeing profiles from other people and they have their own things to post about.. here are a couple of brilliant ones.
This is from the journals of a 42 female submissive in Michigan..
"Most of us don't care what YOUR philosophy or definition of a slave or submissive is. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones that drone on and on and on and on about it, are the ones that DON'T HAVE ONE!!! Hmmmm....wonder why..."
D'oh! I read that and started to think back at some of the profiles i've seen and this is balls on dead accurate. It's always the ones who don't have anyone who are doing all of the pontificating in their profiles, journals and message message forums. They know it alllllll but are alone. How's all that knowledge feel?
And this is from that same submissive..
"If your profile reads something along these lines:
"Contact me ONLY if you're willing to submit fully to me," but says nothing else, really...do yourself a favor. REWRITE IT. How could anyone possibly know if they'd be willing to submit to you based on a tiny photo, your list of interests and one sentence?"
Fucking Brilliant I tell you. I've got to keep a close eye on this profile. I strongly suspect there will be much more brillance coming from this person.
Okay.. How many of you have seen those Geico commercials with the Gecko? (Looks around to see the show of hands) Good, good.. Now, the one with the blonde woman who goes off on the Gecko about Dayton, and that he should not even pretend to not recognize her. You know the one I mean? Yeah, that one.. she tells him that it's "too late, Stanley" to which the gecko replies that his name isn't Stanley.. And then she flounces off all flustered having mistaken the gecko for another talking Lizard.. Uh huh..
Right... Ummm, exactly what the fuck was this woman doing with a gecko in Dayton? I mean come on now.. There's only SO far we can suspend disbelief on this one. I mean the little fella is only about 4 or 6 inches long and is all squirmy and slim and... smooth... Hmmm.. Errr.. nevermind.
Yeah, uh.. Back to the profiles.
This is from the journal of a 54 dominant in Nebraska.
"With the overwhelming amount of scammers on here , I have to believe that CM itself, is set up just for this purpose, and most of the scammer profile are posted by the owners of CM."
Now, i'm not going to comment on the above on its content or rip into this guy for posting it.. I just wish to point out that it was posted in his journal on 2-19-10, 10 months ago....
You know, if you DO believe what you posted to be the truth one has to wonder why the fuck you're still on a site you believe is doing that, hmmmm?... Epecially with your wishy-washy profile.. Dude.. Epic fail!
As a point of interest, this guy didn't appreciate me adding him to my list of favorites.. But I told him to keep an eye on my blog. *Sweet smile*
This is a 30 dominant in Florida.. From his journal posted 11-24-10
"I'm not looking for a sub anymore. Not because I've met someone but just because I don't think I care to bother anymore. Finding soemone who really wants to share their life with another human being seems to be an overwhelmingly complicated task for something so effectively simple. I am here to offer what counsel I can and that is all."
Err, Now why on earth would any sane, thinking person want to accept advice of that sort from someone who has given up looking for a sub? Moreover, the dude thinks finding someone to share your life with should be a simple thing? No, this is someone who does not need to be "offering counsel" to anyone at all.
Shooo be dooooo.. Shooo beeee do be do... Yes, yes this one is a 46 dominant and a 27 submissive in Illinois, errr but this guy says his BDSM house is located in North Carolina. I dunno, this pretty dude is real from what I can see. (Oh yeah, this is a pretty mother fucker.. the cat looks like he's wearing rouge and lipstick.. Dude!!) But he's a bit on the uppity side.. check this out from his "official" CM profile..
"This House is KNOWN in the real world of BDSM. Xxxxxx xx Xxxxxxxx travels to events and lectures. If you do not KNOW this...you live only on-line."
Ah! Donnie Brasco.. the scene with Al Pacino (Lefty) telling Johnny Depp (Donnie) that his family can walk in all five burroughs with heads held high.. ask anyone.. he's KNOWN! This dude says if you don't who he is.. you're only online.. *giggle*
Dude, dude.. There are many people involved in BDSM and D/s who are NOT exclusively online and have never heard of you. You know I get that you have a good thing going for you, but let's not take ourselves TOO seriously eh?.. You might be well known in the public world of BDSM... (The 2005 DomCon certificate is cute as hell) But the rest of us who don't go to every munch and/or play party are no less real for not knowing YOU.
But you ARE pretty.. I'd lay off the heavy makeup if I were you though.. Don't go getting yourself too tarted up now, sweetie.
Right.. this one is unfortunate.. But err.. This is a 20 female submissive in South Dakota.. And here's the first paragraph in her profile.
"------Recently I have had an extremely unpleasant, horrible actually, experience. I've found out firsthand that there's no checks and balances system for the BDSM experience. Apparently when you first meet someone and say no, it means yes, because its one of your apparent experiences online. Thus, I got to know the streets of chicago myself, for three days, while waiting to leave. After being debased, and then again in the hospital following the experience. Yes, I'm bitter. I'm more infrequently online in these places. I'd rather be a lonely crazy-cat lady than have that happen again. I cant even PROSECUTE, as my stance looks shaky because of the place I met this person. I'm FURIOUS. I'll journal about this later here with more details and thoughts. Please, women that read this--Be more cautious than I was! :'(."
Unfortunate yes, and i'll never defend the person who apparently abused this person.. but the above was 100% AVOIDABLE.
What is it about D/s and BDSM that causes normally intelligent people to leave their common sense at the door? I can almost promise you if the above happened as this person says she went to Chicago after knowing the dominant a very short time and quite likely did not meet him at a public place. He make her feel guilty or soemthing?
Seriously, what sort of thought process is involved in not getting a hotel room for that three days and taking some time? And don't even mention a "safe call".. A safe call is good for helping the police find you AFTER something has gone wrong. There ain't a fucking thing your BFF back home can do for you before the fact.
Get that mother fucker's driver's license and give the appropriate information to your BFF and let her run that name and info on the internet to see if this is some sort of sex offender or something.
Bottom line here is if you allow yourself to be alone with someone you do not know... There's a pretty good chance it's NOT going to end happily for you.
Yeah, she posted a journal entry about it as promised.. She speaks of consensual nonconsent. Umm, you DO realize if you agreed to that you've given consent to do things you may not want, right? Again, how long did you know this guy before doing this?
She goes on to say that she hopes others learn from her mistakes. Good idea that, use her experience as a manual of what NOT to do when treking to a strange city to meet someone you met on the fucking internet.
Oooo I need to do the highlighting of the fake lesbian bit..
This one.. well, i've already had some lulz with this one.. He was the "I make my parents kneel for me" clown I wrote about a couple of entries ago... Welllllllllll, Mzcourtney sent me ANOTHER friend request and remains on my admirers list... I send him a letter after getting this second friend request asking if she could really be that stupid to send me another such friend request.. Especially seeing as when he did the first time I responded to him saying I thought his profile was hilarious... Apparently so, but he didn't answer me to confirm or deny.
He certainly seems to be taken with me, lol.. Maybe I should require that he have a broomstick up his ass when he does shit like that, eh?
Eh, he added some pictures to his profile too... Changed from a leather clad woman to a more "girl next door" type.. A totally different person but it's a fake lesbian, who cares what picture is there?
Okay, last one before I go.. This is a 22 dominant from West Virginia.. Heh, well here's the profile..
"Dominate Male I'm NOT new to this site I've been around for several years...but recently decided to make a new account as it's been such a longtime since I have been around. Im into both BDSM/Gorean lifestyle. I do online as well as RL....Interested in friends and possibly more....once a connection is made.
I'm turned on by intelligence. I do not like ignorance or drama of ANY FORM. I'm always interested in making new friends. I have much experiance in both online and RL. I'm into kinky play....I'm experianced with most..but always looking to venture into new things."
I know, I know..it's too easy to harp on bad spelling.. But it's just funny to see someone do it while speaking of how they value intelligence.
Right.. TTFN
Okay, i'll bet you can't guess what song is on my mind, can you?
A quick update on that assclown SlaveTransportCo... His profile is gone.
Ah right then, there is a 37 female dominant in the UK who has gotten some messages from dominants who want to convert her to sub. I've gotten those myself and it's always fun to rip those idiots and their egos to shreds... Umm, here's what this woman had to say about one in particular..
"Yesterday I had a flurry of mail off a "supposed" Dominant man. His mission,in life is, to convert me into a submissive female.
He went into great detail to tell me how he has envisaged me on my knees waiting for him to unzip his tight pants. I would be begging for his manhood and open my mouth like a good little girl.
What he didn't see in his vision ...was me biting down so hard on his wriggly worm that he needed to go to the hospital with it wrapped in an ice pack and his mummy telling him to stay away from "nasty" girls like me"
You've GOT to be careful where you stick those wriggly worms, fellas. You just never know.
Here's one from a 41 female dominant from the land down under. (Hey, I found a great classic rock station yesterday and all these great songs are played on there...) This one says she has one disobedient slave, and while she already has one she is always looking to add to her stable.
Uh huh, Now tell me...You already have one you obviously can't keep in line and you want more? How can you possibly hope to succeed with MORE when you already have that disobedient one. Get his ass in line and THEN go out looking for more.. don't leave the job half done.
Oh, she's posted (or rather had the slave post) the punishments she's given him.. Umm, here's a hint.. if he's still disobedient afterwards it means the fucking punishment ain't working.. So as aside, if the punishments DO involve fucking, umm, back to the drawing board with you.
Off we go.. into the wild blue yonder...
Ahem....
Here's a 25 female slave in Texas.. and umm, err, well here's the profile.
"My master wants to retire from the lifestyle and willing to releasing me out for an exchange and i am willing to relocate to any part of the world.If you are interested please contact me."
Wait, freeze!...
Umm, why the fuck wasn't I notified that there was a damned Dominant union where there are retirement benefits?
Ah anyway, I have to wonder what this retiring dom will take in exchange for this 25 year old slave.. hmmm.. perhaps a new video card for his computer, I mean what's the going rate nowadays? New blades for his lawn mower? WHAT dammit?
I'm not the only one posting this sort of stuff... I've been seeing profiles from other people and they have their own things to post about.. here are a couple of brilliant ones.
This is from the journals of a 42 female submissive in Michigan..
"Most of us don't care what YOUR philosophy or definition of a slave or submissive is. It never ceases to amaze me that the ones that drone on and on and on and on about it, are the ones that DON'T HAVE ONE!!! Hmmmm....wonder why..."
D'oh! I read that and started to think back at some of the profiles i've seen and this is balls on dead accurate. It's always the ones who don't have anyone who are doing all of the pontificating in their profiles, journals and message message forums. They know it alllllll but are alone. How's all that knowledge feel?
And this is from that same submissive..
"If your profile reads something along these lines:
"Contact me ONLY if you're willing to submit fully to me," but says nothing else, really...do yourself a favor. REWRITE IT. How could anyone possibly know if they'd be willing to submit to you based on a tiny photo, your list of interests and one sentence?"
Fucking Brilliant I tell you. I've got to keep a close eye on this profile. I strongly suspect there will be much more brillance coming from this person.
Okay.. How many of you have seen those Geico commercials with the Gecko? (Looks around to see the show of hands) Good, good.. Now, the one with the blonde woman who goes off on the Gecko about Dayton, and that he should not even pretend to not recognize her. You know the one I mean? Yeah, that one.. she tells him that it's "too late, Stanley" to which the gecko replies that his name isn't Stanley.. And then she flounces off all flustered having mistaken the gecko for another talking Lizard.. Uh huh..
Right... Ummm, exactly what the fuck was this woman doing with a gecko in Dayton? I mean come on now.. There's only SO far we can suspend disbelief on this one. I mean the little fella is only about 4 or 6 inches long and is all squirmy and slim and... smooth... Hmmm.. Errr.. nevermind.
Yeah, uh.. Back to the profiles.
This is from the journal of a 54 dominant in Nebraska.
"With the overwhelming amount of scammers on here , I have to believe that CM itself, is set up just for this purpose, and most of the scammer profile are posted by the owners of CM."
Now, i'm not going to comment on the above on its content or rip into this guy for posting it.. I just wish to point out that it was posted in his journal on 2-19-10, 10 months ago....
You know, if you DO believe what you posted to be the truth one has to wonder why the fuck you're still on a site you believe is doing that, hmmmm?... Epecially with your wishy-washy profile.. Dude.. Epic fail!
As a point of interest, this guy didn't appreciate me adding him to my list of favorites.. But I told him to keep an eye on my blog. *Sweet smile*
This is a 30 dominant in Florida.. From his journal posted 11-24-10
"I'm not looking for a sub anymore. Not because I've met someone but just because I don't think I care to bother anymore. Finding soemone who really wants to share their life with another human being seems to be an overwhelmingly complicated task for something so effectively simple. I am here to offer what counsel I can and that is all."
Err, Now why on earth would any sane, thinking person want to accept advice of that sort from someone who has given up looking for a sub? Moreover, the dude thinks finding someone to share your life with should be a simple thing? No, this is someone who does not need to be "offering counsel" to anyone at all.
Shooo be dooooo.. Shooo beeee do be do... Yes, yes this one is a 46 dominant and a 27 submissive in Illinois, errr but this guy says his BDSM house is located in North Carolina. I dunno, this pretty dude is real from what I can see. (Oh yeah, this is a pretty mother fucker.. the cat looks like he's wearing rouge and lipstick.. Dude!!) But he's a bit on the uppity side.. check this out from his "official" CM profile..
"This House is KNOWN in the real world of BDSM. Xxxxxx xx Xxxxxxxx travels to events and lectures. If you do not KNOW this...you live only on-line."
Ah! Donnie Brasco.. the scene with Al Pacino (Lefty) telling Johnny Depp (Donnie) that his family can walk in all five burroughs with heads held high.. ask anyone.. he's KNOWN! This dude says if you don't who he is.. you're only online.. *giggle*
Dude, dude.. There are many people involved in BDSM and D/s who are NOT exclusively online and have never heard of you. You know I get that you have a good thing going for you, but let's not take ourselves TOO seriously eh?.. You might be well known in the public world of BDSM... (The 2005 DomCon certificate is cute as hell) But the rest of us who don't go to every munch and/or play party are no less real for not knowing YOU.
But you ARE pretty.. I'd lay off the heavy makeup if I were you though.. Don't go getting yourself too tarted up now, sweetie.
Right.. this one is unfortunate.. But err.. This is a 20 female submissive in South Dakota.. And here's the first paragraph in her profile.
"------Recently I have had an extremely unpleasant, horrible actually, experience. I've found out firsthand that there's no checks and balances system for the BDSM experience. Apparently when you first meet someone and say no, it means yes, because its one of your apparent experiences online. Thus, I got to know the streets of chicago myself, for three days, while waiting to leave. After being debased, and then again in the hospital following the experience. Yes, I'm bitter. I'm more infrequently online in these places. I'd rather be a lonely crazy-cat lady than have that happen again. I cant even PROSECUTE, as my stance looks shaky because of the place I met this person. I'm FURIOUS. I'll journal about this later here with more details and thoughts. Please, women that read this--Be more cautious than I was! :'(."
Unfortunate yes, and i'll never defend the person who apparently abused this person.. but the above was 100% AVOIDABLE.
What is it about D/s and BDSM that causes normally intelligent people to leave their common sense at the door? I can almost promise you if the above happened as this person says she went to Chicago after knowing the dominant a very short time and quite likely did not meet him at a public place. He make her feel guilty or soemthing?
Seriously, what sort of thought process is involved in not getting a hotel room for that three days and taking some time? And don't even mention a "safe call".. A safe call is good for helping the police find you AFTER something has gone wrong. There ain't a fucking thing your BFF back home can do for you before the fact.
Get that mother fucker's driver's license and give the appropriate information to your BFF and let her run that name and info on the internet to see if this is some sort of sex offender or something.
Bottom line here is if you allow yourself to be alone with someone you do not know... There's a pretty good chance it's NOT going to end happily for you.
Yeah, she posted a journal entry about it as promised.. She speaks of consensual nonconsent. Umm, you DO realize if you agreed to that you've given consent to do things you may not want, right? Again, how long did you know this guy before doing this?
She goes on to say that she hopes others learn from her mistakes. Good idea that, use her experience as a manual of what NOT to do when treking to a strange city to meet someone you met on the fucking internet.
Oooo I need to do the highlighting of the fake lesbian bit..
This one.. well, i've already had some lulz with this one.. He was the "I make my parents kneel for me" clown I wrote about a couple of entries ago... Welllllllllll, Mzcourtney sent me ANOTHER friend request and remains on my admirers list... I send him a letter after getting this second friend request asking if she could really be that stupid to send me another such friend request.. Especially seeing as when he did the first time I responded to him saying I thought his profile was hilarious... Apparently so, but he didn't answer me to confirm or deny.
He certainly seems to be taken with me, lol.. Maybe I should require that he have a broomstick up his ass when he does shit like that, eh?
Eh, he added some pictures to his profile too... Changed from a leather clad woman to a more "girl next door" type.. A totally different person but it's a fake lesbian, who cares what picture is there?
Okay, last one before I go.. This is a 22 dominant from West Virginia.. Heh, well here's the profile..
"Dominate Male I'm NOT new to this site I've been around for several years...but recently decided to make a new account as it's been such a longtime since I have been around. Im into both BDSM/Gorean lifestyle. I do online as well as RL....Interested in friends and possibly more....once a connection is made.
I'm turned on by intelligence. I do not like ignorance or drama of ANY FORM. I'm always interested in making new friends. I have much experiance in both online and RL. I'm into kinky play....I'm experianced with most..but always looking to venture into new things."
I know, I know..it's too easy to harp on bad spelling.. But it's just funny to see someone do it while speaking of how they value intelligence.
Right.. TTFN
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