Awwwwwww shit here I am again.. to pass along the lulz.. So lemme get right to it..

First a quick news update on that masterjaz person I spoke of last entry, his profile has gone into hiding. Good for him, stay hidden asshole. Also, that alphacharlie shitbag now has three new profiles. The names are RulerofWomen with 1 and 7 appended to the end of the name of the other two... Same profile as before...picture of a different soldier. He's now a 30 Dominant in Mississippi. Maybe he has more that are hidden, who knows? But let's alllllll give him a warm welcome!!


Now, you've all seen those profiles where the person talks about being trained by/worked with the greatest masters in the known universe, yes yes? Hmm, here's one who also posts that sort of brag... And it's pretty funny.

This is 24 female dominant in Alabama.. and here's the first paragraph in her profile...

"I am a sweet southern belle on the outside with lace, but alone I am a Cat who will take total control of you. Are you ready to be used, abused, controlled. I am not here for your pleasure, but only for mine. I have worked with the best on line Domme in the country. I am here for just a few things, and you will do as I say"

She worked with the best online domme in the country, huh? mmmkay then.

Now to be clear this is one of those financial cunts, but I realllllllllly wanna know how the fuck someone gets to be classified as the best online domme in the country. Come on now, let the imagination run wild on this and just think of what sort of competition that would be involved in deciding this issue. At the end of this competition the winners would of course get a printshopped certificate saying she's the top domme and gain the right to wear the title until the next year when they hold it again... Something like the Miss America bit without the evening gown and swimsuit competition.


Ahh, I don't know what events would be in those online domme olympics but if there's a creative complaining event I have a contender for you..

This is a 49 female dominant in Ohio... The profile itself is the typical, "I'm the fucking domme and yours is but to serve at my feet" sort of shit and in all caps to boot. The end of the profile contains this line..

"ALSO KEEP AN EYE ON MY JOURNALS; IT'S EDUCATIONAL !!!"

Right, so I start reading the journals and discover she's been on the site since Jan. and from the first day she's complaining about the site and the people who are sending her messages.... Several times in these whines she states that the site is useless and so on and so forth.... Yet here it is the middle of June and still she's here complaining about anything and everything on the site.

Yeah, I thought it was hilarious to read so I favorited the profile.. Yanno, for the education we were promised in her profile...Errrr right?

I get a message from her that says, "Question? What makes a Domme admire another Domme?"

Heh.. I send back this reply.. "Answer, because your profile and journals are fucking funny."

She didn't like that..... sends back another question.. "Fucking funny?"

So I answered her again... and discovered I was blocked. *giggle*

I have a sneaking suspicion this one would be damn near impossible to please.. One little thing and she'd go all bitch cakes on you.. Her profile keeps changing as well.. hmmmm.


Here's one that you have to read both the profile and the latest journal before you see the lulz.. But they're there..

This is a 33 male switch in Utah... and here's the first paragraph of his profile..

"I am very experienced in all forms of BDSM and D/s, 15 plus years, I am switch with very few limits, however I'm not interested in switching with the same person. I prefer sensual domination, however VERY STRICT AND SADISTIC at the same time."

Right, soaked it in? committed to memory? Good, good.. here's the latest journal..

"I mean no offense to anyone so please try not to be offended... But the ''Dominant'' women (girls) that are 18, 19, 20 years old that claim they are ''real'' and try to talk so ''Dominant'' in their profiles just crack me up. Sorry but from my EXPERIENCE someone that young really has no idea what it's all about....they're not old enough to have had experience to really get it....just my observation....again no offense intended..... "

Yeah.. uhhhh... So let us review... he's 33 with over 15 years experience.. mmmkay.. and here he is saying that women who are 18-20 are somehow clueless because of it.

Well, the hypocricy is clear enough.. But I see this a lot.. People with stated experience levels that had them starting out in BDSM when they were that young... Yet they feel some need to say when you're that young you can't know what it's all about.

Actually what he's saying is that to be that young you really don't know what it's like to be dominant.(I say that because in his profile he states he is looking for subs 18-35 but for dommes they need to be older, 35ish) I think he's full of shit, but it goes beyond this one profile.

Now, we can probably correctly assume these are the sort of people who believe that one must know what it is like first hand to be a submissive before they can ever hope to be a successful dominant. And there are many who feel this way but to them I say bullshit. Just because someone talked YOU into serving as a submissive to some dom/me as a way to "learn" don't go around thinking this is how it must be.

Granted, when someone is 18-20 it's simply not possible to have the sort of experience that makes them an expert or whatever, (This goes for all of you) but you'd be badly mistaken to believe those same people don't know what it's about... Especially now with the oodles and oodles of information easily available to nearly everyone.

Oh but it was different back in the old guard days. Yeah, different.. and not at all easy to break into when most of the BDSM clubs stayed underground. If anything, it's easier today because of the readily available information, the many munches and educational functions.. etc.


Here's a profile where it's just plain funny to see the difference between what it says and WHAT it says....Huh? Wait....

This is a 99 female switch from Washington and here's the first paragraph of the profile as written..

"First off this girl's Dom reads her profile so,Doms will be sent to bulk.. this is a message from her Dom."

Okay, that's what it says.. but let's rewrite that for what it really SAYS, eh?

"This girl belongs to me, Master CockJockey. I monitor this girl's profile and will send all messages from other Doms to bulk because like I don't share and stuff and I don't trust her to do as I say and not talk to other Doms so i've taken matters into my own hands and will not take any chances."

Oh okay, that was too easy.

Especially after seeing this journal from a 47 female switch in California. The journal is a couple of years old so you may have seen this... if not, fasten your seatbelts.

"The D/s BS Translator:

1. "Your submission is a precious gift - it should not be given 
lightly." [Translation: So how about you stop putting out all over 
town?]

2. "My role is to help you identify then stretch your limits" 
[Translation: limits schmimits....let's do what I like for a change.]

3. "My pet, you seem to be struggling with your submission - that is a 
natural feeling." [Translation: Any more smart ass back chat from you 
and you'll be kicked to the curb.]

4. "You seem troubled my pet. We should talk." [Translation: Your 
sulking is giving me the shits.]

5. "You are so wonderfully responsive" [Translation: You wail like a 
banshee and move around so much I want to hit every major 
organ....including your brain.]

6. "It is only in being owned that you will ever be completely free." 
[Translation: I need some shmuck to give up his own life to wait on me 
hand and foot without payment.]

7. "I have 20 years experience" [Translation: 20 years ago I tied 
someone to the bed and last week I tried it again.]

8. "For me, the ritual of aftercare is the most important part of our scene"
[Translation: Because that is when you stagger off to get me a drink.]

9. "A true Dom has humility and never stops learning." [Translation: 
Yeah, so I fucked up again: don't give me that accusing look, you big 
sook.]

10. "I never, ever strike in anger." [Translation: It just feels that 
way when you give me shit.]

11. It is time we explored polyamory together." [Translation: It is 
time I bonked other people. You can help me pick them up and be my 
excuse to get rid of them afterward]

12. "I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a very private 
person." [Translation: I cannot meet you at a BDSM club because I am a 
very married person.]

13. "I trained as a Domina in Europe in my early 20s." [Translation: I 
had a kinky shag when backpacking around Europe after Uni.]

14. "SM? Don't think of it as pain. Think of it as intense sensation." 
[Translation: This is going to hurt like hell, but I am almost certain 
a big man like is going to be too proud to safeword and stop the party.]

15. "You can only be a truly successful Dominant if you have 
submitted." [Translation: I want you to sub to me, and that sounds 
like a legit reason you might actually consider it.]

16. "You must master your own life before you can master another's." 
[Translation: You need to have a 20-thousand square foot house and be 
pulling down at least 250k a year or the deal's are all off buddy. As 
a sub, I need to be accommodated in the style I would like to become 
accustomed to.]

17."I have no limits." [Translation: Until you go beyond what is legal 
so I can have you charged, convicted and sue you to live the rest of 
my life off the proceeds]

18. "That's not a Dom--that's a control freak." [Translation: Get rid 
of that guy I wanna be your Dom cuz I hear you give good head.]

19. "All Dommes need is to find the right man." [Translation: Cuz I'm IT!]

20. "You aren't sub enough." [Translation: I can't handle a guy with a 
mind of his own without resorting to cheap manipulation.]

21. "You're not submissive enough." [Translation: Because you won't 
quit your management job, move to Nebraska today and give me oral sex 
on the off-hand promise I might actually start a relationship with you.]

22. "You're not Dominant Enough" [Translation: You're no fun. You 
won't maim me permanently and it's always been my biggest fantasy.]

The D/s BS Translator for Online Profiles:

23. "I'm service-oriented." [Translation: I hope the dumb sap falls 
for this so he'll let me clean his place and I can snoop through his 
shit.]

24. "I'm under consideration." [Translation: I'm chasing someone.]

25. "I've been released." [Translation: I've been dumped.]

26. "I am a true dom/sub." [Translation: You're a phony if you aren't 
just like me.]

27. "I am a bratty sub." [Translation: I am a pain in the ass.]

28. "I will bend you to my will." [Translation: I am insane.]

29. "I am a submissive with slave tendencies." [Translation: Pick me 
because I'm pretending to be subbier (or better) than a regular 
submissive.]

31. "I am seeking my One." [Translation: Someone out there must have 
dysfunctions which are compatible with mine.]

32. "I'm trained." [Translation: I will drive you nuts doing exactly 
what my last master wanted.]

33. "I am a 24/7 slave, online only." [Translation: I am a bored housewife.]

34. "I'm strict but fair." [Translation:  I'm always right, you're 
always wrong, and I'll beat you whenever you're right and I don't want 
to admit it.]

35. "I am a trainer of sluts." [Translation:  I'm looking for girls 
who will believe they are being "trained" when I order them to blow me.]

36. "Looking for a sub/slave/girl to join us." [Translation (when 
posted by a sub/slave/girl): I am much too lazy to clean the house and 
I need a work horse. Translation (when posted by the dominant): I need 
a backup fuck for when she's mad at me. Bonus points if you'll take my 
side in the argument.]"

Heh, so much for this blog.. that journal says it all. *laughing*.


And now for a little humor injected into the blog, this is a 44 dominant in the UK.. Check the profile..

"A little pissed off with this women saying there into certain things and really they dont have a clue what bdsm is."

Now... the profile picture? Oh yeah, it's of a guy in a Darth Vader costume.. I'm just sayin'!!!