It has umm, come to my attention.. (Yeah, as if I wasn't aware of this) that most of the people I make fun of are male dominants. That would be because when i'm browsing profiles, those are the ones with the most outrageous shit in them. Or rather those are the ones that happen to be on when i'm browsing.

Now we all know male dominants don't have a monopoly on outrageous shit in their profiles, and so I shall start off with a profile that rivals some of the more out of this world profiles of her male counterparts..

This is a 41 female dominant in Florida and this one's profile is chock full of funny..

"A Swedish/ Cherokee mix born in Vienna /Austria lived almost every where in Europe .The last place I ve lived was Germany where I really enjoyed the teachings of some of the greatest classical Masters and Mistresses in my young teenage years.In my early tween yrs. I relocated to the US where I was fortunate to learn the American way the new way cy ber/high tech bizarre way of this lifestyle . Both continents and teachings combined and you ll get me."

Hmmmmmmmm... I don't want to cast doubts or anything like that.. But a Swedish/Cherokee mix born in Austria? I'd be real interested in knowing how someone got that particular mixture of lineage but we're going to skip over that bit because a quick search of the profile picture reveals to us this person is (well the pictures at least) in fact one Irina Voronina, a Russian.

*boggle*

A little bit MORE research reveals that Irina Voronina was a playboy playmate in 2001 and is also in the HDNet series called Svetlana. Hmmmm, ya think maybe this is another fake? Ah yeah, but let's read the rest of this profile.

"I am not self titled I received my RANK from the ADULT PORN & ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY.
I was crowned to be a GODDESS the highest achievement a FEMME DOMME can reach.
I am also a member of the Society of Body languages and their Expressions
I am a member and chair woman of Human Rights in the Alternative Lifestyle"

Awwwwwwwww shit, here we go then... Here we have a supposed domina given her "rank" from the fucking porn industry? Heh, and crowned GODDESS which is rather the highest level of acheivement a female dominant can attain.. Errrr as says the Adult Porn & Entertainment Industry... Umm for those of you who say BDSM ain't about sex.. errr oops?

I'm sure there a lot of folks sitting there who went the old guard route saying, "hey, what the fuck?" Yeah, that would be a real downer to have devoted all sorts of time to the lifestyle studying under the great dragon master of all that there is... Only to find the porn industry is handing out titles. However, take heart... She DOES add the required "studied under the greatest classical masters and mistresses" in her profile, so she's on track I think...(Of course in the capitol of the BDSM world, Germany.) And then came to America to learn the high tech/cyber techniques.. *giggle*

Oh come on.. that shit is funnyyyyyyy!



A little time out here to send a special message to any fans and supporters of the English Premier League  team Liverpool...

19!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC_KU7eUAvM&feature=related

*sweet smile*

Of course unless you follow English Football (soccer) that won't make a lot of sense to you, but the Liverpool fans are calling me all sorts of names right about now.



Sometimes people use their journals to basically act as a diary of sorts. Yeah I know, i've also seen people complaining about those who do this, fuck those people.. Ah anyway, sometimes people use their journal to pass along any new information they feel you the reader of their profile should know....

Such as this 41 female dominant from Michigan. (And yes, there IS a Rochester in Michigan.)

"I'm not interested in anyone ...yesterday or today. Feeling Quite pissy, and not in the least bit wanting to take it out on any of your asses. Relax, deep breaths, I am not here to please everyone. I do not HAVE to respond to your messages the moment I read them. I am entitled to shitty moods too."

Actually this entire profile and the rest of the journal entries scream, "shitty mood" but that matters not.. This one just strikes me as exceptionally funny that this person felt the need to logon and post the above journal. Color me nutty but wouldn't staying the fuck offline have kept you from having to go off on someone? Nah, that would have been too simple when the aim here is clearly to have the excuse to go postal on someone... You know, to exhibit her DOMME side.


So... Here's one that will get your funny bone active... If it's not already.

A 40 lesbian female dominant in New York..

"I am here representing The Order Of Amazonian Templars,   a secret society dedicated to returning the world to its natural, Female dominated, order.  We are dedicated to the ideals of Female Supremacy and to the goals of returning males to their rightful place as toilet-slaves and livestock."

Hmmm, a real secret society called the order of amazonaian templars... A secret society...
Errr, now is it just me or does the whole idea of secret rather heavily involve NOT TELLING everyone?

Oh this profile goes on and on about their goals and all that shit.. excuse me a moment folks.

(Nips off to fill the bong with some good shit... takes a few hits then floats back to the computer.)

Oh wowwwwww!.. that's better now where was I?

Oh yeah.. this profile also lists another person to contact if you wanna like doante to their cause..

So let's follow this thread and see where it leads.. It leads to a 37 female dominant in Texas and here's the first paragraph in her profile..

"If you are a male unless the very first word in your email is the word "DONATION" your email will be deleted unread.  And NO I don't want you to be my slave, I already have one.  And I don't give a shit how pretty you think I am or if you like my profile!!!"

Oh dear, poor males who want this bitch's attention eh? Gotta donate to get it... Hey wait, haven't we heard that one before?

Anyyyyyyyyyyhow.. this profile also goes on..

" Hey, This is my new profile, I deleted my old one. I am Goddess Xxxxxxx. I serve as a Priestess in the Order Of Amazonian Templars and I currently hold The title of Treasurer Of The Order.   All donations to the Order go through Me. I am deeply honored to hold this position of trust and importance.  All donations made to the Order go directly back into the Order itself and our activities. This includes the development of new Covens, the creation of Temples,  administrative and orginazational costs,  the creation of literature and propaganda, The Living Space Project, and other projects of importance to the Order."

Oooooooo a fucking priestess no less, not a normal run of the mill financial cunt at all is she? I dunno folks, I have a funny feeling this particular organization isn't going to be getting very far... They ain't ever got a damned website.. In fact the first profile says they are using CM to recruit.... sheeeeesh!


Okay right then... here's another journal from that 54 dominant in New Jersey, the one who thinks deleting messages unread is like buying a lottery ticket and tossing it out before the numbers are drawn...

"Everyone is flooded with way too many messages (real or fake), so to better control this and not waste anyones time, if you "open" my message but you do not reply within 2 days then you get blocked and I move on to find someone else who seriously wants this! Plus, because of how badly this site is infested with fakes and scammers, you must still somehow convince me that you are for REAL! That just proves how messed up this site has become!"

Now, this can only be to sooth his own bruised ego... Because really, if you send someone a message and they didn't reply within your two day time time, blocking them accomplishes nothing seeing as they weren't going to be sending you any messages anyway. Eh, I suppose what ever makes you feel better about being ignored by someone not interested in you, huh?

I meant to favorite another profile when I saw it, but for some reason I didn't do so.. But this person had a journal entry that basically said if she blocked you, it means she's not interested in you.

Well yeah, I think that would rather be a clue, wouldn't you?



One more before I nip off to finish this bong and then go eat a bunch of junk food.. This is a 41 Dominant in New Jersey..

"We are the New Spartans! We are looking for good people who are interested in forming a group of good, strong, freedom loving friends.

I AM XXXXXX MASTER AND COMMANDER OF THE NEW SPARTANS Anyone interested in forming a strong and new Spartan society message me. We are all going to be EQUALS Join us and become Stronger and Truely FREE."

Uh yeah.. You see what happens when you smoke one too many blunts? That shit gets in your head and you start coming up with some weird shit.... Was probably watching a certain movie while snarfing those cheetos and thought, "Oh cool shit.. I gotta do something with this."

Now if you will excuse me, a half gallon of Triple Fudge ice creme is calling me.. very loudly.

LOL, oh wait.. This just in... a 48 male submissive in the UK and the first two pictures show flowers in this guy's ass.. One of them a rose.. Errrr.. Ummm.. Naw, I can't.. I just can't say it..