Hey kids!... Shake it loose together... The spotlight's hitting something that's been known to change the weather.. We'll kill the fatted calf tonight so.. Stick around..

Oh you know that song.. Bennie and the Jets..ssssss

Lotta shit going on for the bitch at this particular moment, so you'll understand when I say adding to this blog isn't top of the priority list. But I wanted to get a new entry out today, because it's been a whole fucking year today when I started this blog.. I don't know how funny it will be, because well.. I gotta say this again, we've all seen those profiles time and time again, you know after all this time it's more like i'm doing nothing but picking at the scabs..

I went back and read all the shit from the beginning.. It took over an hour to read the whole thing. Heh, every now and again I get a message from some asshole who can't take issue over anything I wrote about.. no no.. He wants to take issue with the fact I have time to come up with the shit and write it.

Yeah, like having time to create the shit causes what I say to be less valid.. Yeah okay..

Well at first, until i'd say about the first of this year, it didn't take a whole lot of effort to come up with this shit. An hour or so to write it up and get it posted.. shit like that. It still doesn't take a lot of time to write it, it's been taking a lot of time to actually find the shit, hard to come up with new stuff to write about when it's been strip mined... lol..

Okay then, after a whole fucking year one thing shines through all my attempts at comedy.. And even the occasional foray i've (tried) to take into the realm of common sense.. And that one thing shining though all of it is.. There's some seriously fucked up people out there flying the D/s and BDSM flag!!

Eh.. So off to the profiles..

Right, have you ever been browsing profiles and just by the name you knew it was going to be an entertaining profile? Here's one that just takes your breath away... Heh..

This is a 26 dominant in Washington DC and here we go.. Start the music...

"I am a graduate from Harvard -- and that is a relatively minor thing in my view. I am looking for a female sub/slave to share my life with."

It's SUCH a minor thing in his view that not only does he point it out on the very first line of his profile, the name of that school is a part of his profile name... Oh no, he doesn't want to rub anyone's nose in it or anything of that sort, now does he?
 
A minor thing, my ass.

"I am generally against poly households as in my past experience these are emotionally very vexing for the female slaves. However, I have had good poly experiences as well, as it sometimes helps the subs support each other. You should not expect to be part of a poly unless I make that determination after seeing you and gauging your capacity to be part of one."

Yeah, umm in the actively searching for section of his profile what is ticked but "joining a poly household" and "submissive women" Err, but he's generally against them? Must be that Harvard education causing this little contradiction to go right over my head. Too cerebal for us mere mortals I suspect.

"I can be quite intense and quite light, depending on my mood. By and large, BDSM is full of "usual" play stuff like bondage, suspension, claming, wax etc. but I have worked quite hard over my 10 years of experience in the lifestyle to invent new sex acts, sex positions, and roleplays.

You will find these exotically interesting, and it always help to keep the interest level alive. Some examples are Bamboo-Strip, Teleporting Vegas, Harem Poetry, Gulf of Mexico, P/E ratio, and Furniture Metamorphosis.

Some key sexual positions that I've invented are the African Missionary, the Gymnast's Blowjob, and Gold Rush."

Hmmmm, i'm sitting here wondering if he should get this cat in touch with that guy in Canada who breaks "the cumming record" of women all over the world?

Anyway, I read this profile and the first question that came to mind was... Does this guy walk on water as well?

I mean really, is there anyone more perfect than this cat? *giggle*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EprQGmZ3Imw

And he knows i'm right!

Okay then, it's generally accepted that someone who is in their early twenties simply cannot have a lot of experience. I've already stated my belief that it IS possible for someone that young to have certain knowledge, but not the actual experience.. It's just not possible.

So, here's someone who tries to shoot that one all to hell and back.. This is a 24 and 23 Dom/Slave couple in Florida and here's one of the journal entries.

"I've got to say...men over the age of thirty five or fourty have got it made in our lifestyle. Seems to be "mature" and "educated", you need to be these ages.

I've got news for all you submissive and slaves out there that I suggest you heed and understand:

I am only twenty three myself....and I've experienced more tragedy, more trouble, more problems.....dominated more situations, commanded more respect and attention, and earned more power amoungt my peers than anyone I have ever met that is twice my age. With that said, don't mistake maturity for age. Age is not a handicapp....its what makes you thirsty.

So, with that said, I am still looking for my next slave. Good luck..."

Translation: He's been getting shot down by women who are looking for someone with like real experience and this was his attempt to debunk that errr myth.

I mean come on, just because someone hasn't been on this earth long enough to actually have that kind of experience doesn't mean it's true that he doesn't!!

Here's a 50 male dominant from Georgia and he asks an interesting question in his journals..

"I just don't understand sometimes. If I am a Dom, who has a sub that will not do what you ask of her, what does this mean? Could it be that she is not the sub or slave she says that she is? If someone is a "sub" are they not suppose to do what you ask of them?, to follow their Dom's wishes? I give her everything I can, and ask very little in return, sometimes I wonder who is the sub, her or me?"

Well, from reading this guy's profile he's most likely to want an online relationship, but for the sake of education, let us answer this guy's questions, eh?

Actually he's asked the wrong question here. The question should be whether or not you're the Dom you say you are, not the other way around.

Hehe, this is the sort of dom all those "go totally out of their way to show they're not doormats" sort of subs would be attracted to. Oh come on now, you know the sort I speak of. The sort of submissive who make you feel as if you're walking on eggshells whenever you communicate with them for fear of saying the wrong thing and setting them off. They'll slice you to ribbons at the drop of a hat.... And then there's the inevitible journal entry that complains they are not having any luck on their search, or their "gift" was pissed on.

Check this guy out, ballbuster subs.. Here's one you can walk all over.


Okay, here's a 34 female dominant in Texas and well.. You tell me, did someone get gamed with this one?

"Recently released a boy (all the below journals) from my consideration. It was a great d/s thing for more than a year. It made me realize so many wonderful things about myself and what I want going forward with this lifestyle. It also helped me discover that I'm not sedentary to Houston. I have been here nearly 5 years and feel it is probably time to move on and move away to a new adventure."

She had someone on "consideration" for over a year and never made the decision on whether to collar him or not? Well, I really have to say, "caveat emptor" on this one.. I mean really, he must have let her get away with it for that long.. Eh, whatcha wanna bet that her decision to "release him from her consideration" came as a result of this guy saying, "Now hold on here..."?


Here's a pretty funny one for those of you who appreciate the humorous sort of profiles..
This is a 30 dominant in Illinois...

"I'm into pretty extreme things. Lobotomy, euthanasia, rusty trombones and making you watch Lady Gaga strapped to a chair with your eyelids taped open à la clockwork orange, to name a few.

When I'm not taking pictures of myself with my iphone in the mirror, or posting constant updates of frivolous shit I'm doing at any given time, I enjoy reading the new testament while sitting on the crapper.

Feel free to contact me to discuss any topic you can think of, unless you like Glenn Beck, because you're clearly an asshole.

Also this is a sandy vagina free zone, don't you forget that."


We are separated by a common language.... Here's a 22 female submissive in the UK and I love this journal entry..

"In Britain I have a bottom, bum or more crudely an arse soo why are British people telling me they want to beat my ass? Stop it."

I love to watch British spanking videos. Not because they are so much better action wise, it's because the tops in those videos are always so righteous about what they're doing.. Seriously, you'd think the bottom had committed a death penalty crime or something the way they carry on about it.

Actually spanking videos in general make me laugh, especially when the scenario is some some of discipline. Come on, when you were a kid and got it from your parents, did they take time out for a fucking "warm up" before beating your bare ass with whatever was handy? Oh hell no.

Eh, not in the videos.. "Oh, drinking and driving were you? So, first over my knee with you so I can first whack you over this too small skirt, then lift it after a bit so I have have at you over your panties.."

Granted, these are actors who may or may not like spanking... Oh okay, these are BAD actors who may or may not like spanking.. whatever.

Now video companies such as Lupus/Rigid East.. Oh, when they get going they whip some asses raw. Heh, I was chatting with someone who mentioned one of those videos and was wondering how the girl was able to take such a caning. (If you've never seen a Rigid East/Lupus video, those butts are bruised and battered by the time the scene is done.)

Silly me took the question literally and said, "Um, because she got paid to take it?"


Heh, I was out of town the other day and was sitting on my android browsing on CM when I ran across a profile and I thought to myself, "wow!"

I don't remember the name of this person but in her profile she talks about getting married not too long ago but wasn't getting what she wanted from her husband so was here on CM on the prowl. In the profile pictures were two of this person in her wedding gown. Taken on her wedding day mayhap? I dunno, but I saw that and i'm going.. "Oh, that's fucking COLD!"

Damn, a whole year. Well, happy fucking anniversary!!